So I have had a VERY emotional and powerful dream each of the last 2 nights.
Wed. night I dreamed I was visiting a friend in a military hospital. This friend was a combination of many of the straight men I have lusted at over the years but he was mostly a guy I used to know named Ryan. He had come home from the war missing both legs and one arm. He was badly scarred on the rest of his body also. I was trying to cheer him up and he was very morose.

I had my back turned to him and when I turned around he had pulled the sheet off his body and he looked at me and said "all I need to know is if, Anyone.....anyone will ever want to touch me again" He pushed his head way back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

I leaned over the bed and ran my hands over his ab's. We both were crying as I started to give him a blowjob. The sexual part was actually very beautiful but the emotional part is a mess.I woke up very sad.

Last night I dreamed about prison. It was one of those dreams where you are two places at once. A very tiny man born with only a small part of his torso and one arm and a kind of flipper arm was in a prison. (the man closely resembled my friend John from my sept 1 blog)

There was a riot at the prison and the man was trapped. The fires were moving closer to his cell. Here's the weird part. He had a camera set up in his cell for a local cable show he did from the prison. He described what was happening at the prison and then he started to sing a sad song in his tiny voice.

The beginning of the song is lost to me but the chorus went like
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger
What doesn't heal me makes me sad
I know my days aren't getting longer
was the best life I never had

That was a kick in the ass dream

So......hmmmmmm.....what to do.

You want to get re-elected in a few weeks. And the people who will reelect you are screaming "stop giving those big shots more money"
And you know if you don't give those big shots more money they will tank the stock markets. And you also know those big shots paid for your campaign. Really....what to do.

The market knows it has americas 401k's over a barrel.

As a sickening side note. Almost all the palatial big new houses in Architectural Digest are built by hedge fund managers. They have their money.....either way.

Last night I had a dream that Jay an i opened a remodeling company.

I was three stooges like (with only 2 stooges though)

If I win that powerball lottery I think I'll swing down and visit him.

why do I always think people are trying to rip me off?

I would ask a therapist but, sheee ittt they are only after your money.

Kinda proves my point I guess.

I guess I shouldn't blog right after talking to my credit card companies.

when did I start to worry again? I thought i had given it up as useless. I know I started to worry more when that msmilf got herself picked as a vp nominee after a 2 hour interview. Shit, I've taken longer than that to pick an ice cream flavor.

Perhaps it is this aching feeling of hopelessness. I have to snap out of this.

I need to post more photos. They make me happy.

Today at the pride parade I was so happy to see my friend Jon. He was born with severe birth defects and has lived his life with the support of a wheelchair and a full time staff person. He has managed to live 30 plus years longer than any doctor had ever given his parents hope for. I could see that window is closing fast.

I spent some time kneeling beside his wheelchair and I could see more pain than I remembered in his breathing. I asked him why he bothered to come out for such a silly, short parade. He looked at me and smiled and said "one more time honey, just one more time."

I hope when we die we don't leave behind any "one more times"

Thanks Jon

About 800. And thats better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

I have spent the last week getting ready for a BIG ASS moving sale. Everything not bolted down is going out the door. It looks odd seeing all the things I have collected over the years laid out in neat rows. Juicy said she needed a crock pot but....sorry, I took that to the farm.

Aside from this I haven't been doing much. Summer is flying by and I haven't even been for a swim in the big lake. Crazy.

House fulls of people the next few weekends. I am not prepared but screw them if they need more than a beer and a bed they can help themselves.

Enjoy the rest of the summer

Matt borrowed my dark blue sweatshirt with the maroon lining today.

you never know

I went to see my favorite band on sat. night. Oh I love the Wailin Jennies. And under the big tent made it magic. We were camping all weekend and I even managed to sleep.

I have weeks of work and only days to do it. I'm having a giant moving sale. GIANT Getting ready is a lot of work.

Be good