As with other cryptic blogs this is written for him although he will never read it.

So this is it. This is the last time I will write of you and your disapearance. I have been trying to think of an exit, a last line. A way to see that I will be o.k. not knowing. I'm having a tough time of it though.

This song says more than I can.
"The story" Brandi carlile

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you...

I remember the time I flew down to see you and the smile you had for me at the gate. The way you held me and told me what it meant to you, that no one had ever traveled just to see you. I won't forget that.

I guess I have to learn to live with the not knowing. I have to learn to see some good in what we tried. Wherever you are now, I hope you have a good life.

I've put off closing this last link. My phone number will soon change. Not that it really matters. If you haven't tried to explain away this hurt by now, I doubt you'll ever try.

Well this is it. I promised I would be the one who would not leave. I promised there was no way I would ever stop loving you.

I have to convince myself I lied.

Goodbye

the best things about summer in the country

The smell of fresh mown clover as it dries in the field.

Picking dinner fresh out of the garden each evening.

The mournful wail of the mourning doves wooing me to sleep.

The nice snake who lives under my western foundation.

The curve of my freshly mown lawn as it passes around the trees.


can you tell I like it?

I did promise a story from my family reunion.

My cousin john set up his tent near mine at the campground. I had not seen him for about 6 years. He is about 38 and his new girlfriend was 23. Every night was filled with new drama when they would get ready for bed. They would fight (quite drunkenly I might add) about really stupid things.

So on my last morning I woke up about 4 with the need to pee. After taking care of business I was snuggling into my sleeping bag when I heard my cousins girlfriend shout "stop it! Your peeing on me." "get out of the tent if you have to pee" A few min. passed and then I heard "YOU ARE STILL PEEING ON ME"

I wonder how I can be related to these people?

I wonder if my life will ever return to "normal". I'm still stuck with 2 houses (and all that goes with it). I'm working my ass off to make the best use of the summer. Ahhhhh blech...who want to listen to me beee itch.

I haven't been to my house in town very much lately (thus the lack of blogging, etc. as that is where my computer and service are located) I am working towards a giant yard/moving sale in mid august. I'm selling it all folks...to the walls!

I missed most of the strawberry harvest. I hear there are still some places picking but my heart isn't in it. My garden at the farm is going gangbusters.

I miss you all. whatever will pass for "normal" in the future is still out there for us.

I was at a family reunion. Boy do I have stories.

I will blog more thoroughly later.

BIG KISS to all

whatever breed these new chicks are...man alive! They are a bunch of hopping fools. They look more like little kangaroos than chickens.

Would you like me to post a pic of them or have you been down that road with me once too often?

So I went searching for some replacement baby chicks. Who knew how seasonal chicks were. My favorite site was sold out FOR THE YEAR! So I stopped by my local feed mill (remember I told you about the employees and all of the horrible burns and scarring) (which, by the way i found out happened in a horrible fire where the mom and son went back into the burning mill to rescue son/brother who lived but they were all nearly killed)
ANYWAY, they had just received the last shipment of the season so I snapped up 15 more babies and off we go.

I am not a quitter.

Something got in the coop last night.

All my little girls.....dead.

It's not like they were pets or anything. I still feel real sad.

I have to go dig a hole.

I feel remarkably pessimistic lately. That is really not my style. Perhaps it is the fact that my house has been on the market for 6 months without nary an offer. (although LUNNA had JP send me his st. joe's statue, so we'll see how that goes)
Perhaps it is the paying of 2 mortgages every month (and everything that goes with that!)
Perhaps it's that I have a sinking feeling that wages are going to take a long time to catch up with all the rising costs.
Perhaps I am missing Benji in advance?
It is a combination of all this and more.

We'll get through it. If the world can support 270,000 flights to Germany to resist the soviet blockade it can do many other things.

If one more person tells me they need special attention because they have CHOSEN to build their dream house an hour away I will go off. If i have to hear "well...I am coming from....blah blah blah" one more time I am going to say " I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK."
"YOU MADE A CHOICE AND NOW THAT THE GAS COSTS AN ARM AND A LEG DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME"

I am worried for myself.

Now for happier news. NEW CHICK PIC'S

o.k. so no....photobucket doesn't remember me....ugh