A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I said "How can you tell them apart?"

He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they might be right.

After 8 pots I talk shit and can't drive!

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"

But none of them rub your dick and say "well done"?

I should post a pic of me

NAKED

It is Halloween after all..........and it would scare the shit out of every one!!!

I am an idiot.

I have a few jobs booked this week - Mon - Wed - Thurs and Fri - so not a bad week work wise.

It is all with the same crane company. They rang and said one of the days had too be rescheduled to next Mon or maybe Wed - no prob with that but I forgot whether it was the Wed or Thurs that was changed. So this morning ( Wed ) I get up and go an hr away to the job and wait for the crane.

Well it must have been today that was rescheduled because I was the only one there.

See you always new I was an idiot and this confirms it. lol

[url]http://www.poodwaddle.com/worldclock.swf[/url]

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles..

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

it was a very close game and it was pissing down with raining.

The commentatter said:

"It's a tight one and it's wet"

Think he was talking about the game but he may have been logged on to NN.

for a place to live for some time. Rental properties are outrageous. If it is affordable it is not livable and if it is liveable it is not affordable.

Finally found a place. Very liveable and only just offordable. bit small thoagh. Cann't fit all our stuff in.

Any way son and I are here. Not far from the beach and his mates and the football club.

He also got a game in the Firsts the other week and the seconds are in the finals - won last sat and so into the Preliminary.

Now if I could get some work life would be great.

That is all I have to report atm.

and I broke up - many years ago now - she sold the house and bought a bus and the plan was to travel around Aust and return to Melbourne for the kids to start school.

Well instead of doing that she and the b/f got to a small town in Queensland and decided they would stay there. No discussion with me of course. This meant that I missed out on most of their years growing up apart from when I flew them down for school hols - untill my son came to live with me when he started high school.

Well the other day my daughter ( who still lives near her Mum ) text me saying that my ex's b/fs father had died and she needed some money so she could go to the funeral in Brisbane.

I rang her and suggested that she should ask her mothers bloke and why the fuck should I pay when I seem to get shit on all the time. Told her not to come to my funeral because I wouldn't be around to give her the money to attend.

I ended up sending her some money but only after I had gone crook and upset her.

Man why am I still so angry about them staying up there? Not feeling like a very nice person at the moment.