i could have went out after work... i came home cause i wanted to hang out with paul... ironically enough.... he went out for drinks after work

happy friday... mwa jacq

i had my lips waxed... all of them )

happy friday all....

mwa.... jacq

what causes a person to deserve something???

if a person smokes.. do they DESERVE to get lung cancer??? if a person drinks... do they DESERVE to get liver failure...what truly causes a person to deserve anything??? ignorance??? a lack of understanding or a lack of willing to understand?? which to me is ignorance....

why in this day and age are people so close minded about so many things??? i don't get it... the world around me as i see it is so diverse... and so educational with it... there is to me so much to learn from other people that i can't understand why people just don't open up and listen and try to learn... they're scared???

scared that if they open up and accept... they may get it too???

so what makes a person deserve something??

this is me truly inquiring??? mwa jacq

well i'm back to work tomorrow... probably a good thing but.... i haven't been since last wednesday... and during that time i guess i wasn't handling some shit well and i got super duper really shit faced...i know not good but it happened... fell and bit clean thru my lip in one side and out the other.... it looks pretty horrid but what i'm wondering is... wtf do i say when people ask me what happened??? lol....

not funny but there is some things i can look back on over the last 5 days and think omg i was a lunatic...like ripping off my clothes in the break room at work...who does that?? co-workers thought i was nuts... i thought i was suffocating....

hope everyone had a good weekend... mine was surrounded with friends and family... it was good...

mwa jacquie

well it's been a week... one i don't ever want to relive...i would say it's been devastating but i don't know if that is what i'm feeling... i have no clue what emotion i'm feeling... i've tried to figure it out but i can't....

i got some news on wednesday... totally caused me to be incapable of anything for a bit...i've never had a panic attack but i don't know... i felt like i was suffocating....i hope that is something that i never feel again...

for the first time in my life i've had to get help... i needed to talk to someone...i had to call a counselor...this is not something i can deal with alone... of course i have the fam... but sometimes it's good to talk to someone not attached.....

i was told to keep talking... i was told i'm grieving... and it sucks....i really truly hope that nobody ever has to deal with what i am right now.... i'm certainly not alright... but i will be okay....

happy friday everyone.... mwa jacq

p.s. funsexycouple i will never be sad but people do have their moments... let me have mine.....

i can't think... i can't feel... i can't quit crying... i have no clue what emotion i'm going thru...i need to talk to someone.. but don't know who... it's like i'm numb and i can't ... i don't even know what i can't... i think i'm hurting in the most horrible way that i ever have in my life... and i just don't know what to do.....

i've been reading forums... and seems alot (of people) are i don't know... putting up lots of names from the past... people that i have talked to ... people that i have missed... a couple i wonder if it's true.. one i know is not... i so need to make a call in the morning...

happy friday everyone.... mwa jacq

so i'm on my way to work (in BL)and i get a call telling me to go to tacoma office instead... great i'm on my way when i'm like shit i don't have any shoes... i worked in puyallup last and so i took my tac shoes there... i did bring them home but i didn't think to take them ... i have shoes in BL...i go to walgreens... no luck... i go to work and do some office shit... 10 o'clock i go to costco... no luck... soo looks like they'll just keep me in the front for the day...

i get a call from some chick wanting to know what she needs to do to get her tonsils out.... hmmmm call your MD maybe....some dude walks in and just grabs paperwork and starts filling it out.. he's on state assistance but his particular one only covers x-rays and extractions... i tell him this and dude is just not getting it...gets really mad and asks "you don't clean teeth and that kind of stuff?" sure we do but it's gonna cost ya... he was pissed...thought i was lying to him and shit... another phone call... the person on the other end tells me they have been trying to call mental health and they aren't answering... asks me if they are closed...ummm didn't i just say dental when i answered the phone?? they were by the way closed... another call... guy tells me we don't take his insurance anymore but his insurance company refered him to another office and do i have the number??? damn i hate it when i leave my crystal ball at home...

i get home... on the phone with my mom talking about my cousin... tikka asks is grandma somehow related to starla? i say gma is her aunty ...starla's mom and my mom are sisters....grandma and aunty are sisters??? he was so shocked... i ask where do you think she came from?? he said i don't know i thought she was starla's mom... uhhh yeah... and starla's my cousin.... i seriously think the breast milk was bad...

happy monday.... mwa jacquie

i truly... truly feel that i'm home ... and it's amazing....

happy 4th everyone...

mwa... jacquie

i thought it was all cool... i now have a whole nother set of worries...why does parenting have to be this hard....