i'm gonna be gettin one....it's my co-worker and she's so sweet and her hubby (soon to be x) is not (but he's not coming)...and no to all who ask ... she's not a perv though she knows i am lol... i think she will be here friday or sunday... depending on when she has to give her appt keys up.. i've never blogged about her... but it's kinda crazy she's younger than me (like 17 years)... so she's really young cause i know i'm still young hahahahaha... but never in all my years of working ... knowing people... whatever.. have i ever fallen into a relationship like i did with her... it's kinda crazy... we work well together like just side by side.. no bullshit.. no drama ... hope she can handle this house... it can be a bit loud and obnoxious at times... no really i'm serious.... at the very least i oughta get some blog stuffs lol ... hope everyone had a happy hump day... mwa jacq

accomplished.....he won't talk to me ... probably thinks i'm fucking psycho.... so i guess some one is happy ... i sure as shit know it's not me....i'm angry... and i don't see getting over this one.... sometimes lines are crossed you know... i think this one was the long jump .... i think of... out of line...totally off the chain....invasive...untrustworthy ...not sure what else ... and it all makes me feel ohhhh so many different things at once.....

i was for a brief moment in time tonite......then wham (comments) again....wtf is going on ??? maybe a glutton for punishment ?? maybe i should blog it all out... what would that do cause more hurt??? or maybe stop the madness...

here goes ... everyone should be careful for what they wish for....

i have a patient of mine that i have known for months now ... i find him extremely attractive.. i love chatting with him and he's just a really neat guy .. have i fucked him ??? no ... do i flirt with him ??? absolutely ... i'm not dead .... would i go for a drink with him ??? you bet i would.... does he know i'm married??? he does ... is he looking for a relationship with me??? wtf for i have loads of baggage and i'm not looking for a relationship with anyone i have that.... will i ever stop flirting ??? not in this lifetime ... and i will have to add that matt got the bullshit end of the stick in this whole thing the poor guy has done nothing but yet i busted his ass in e-mails because i was pissed ...will he talk to me anymore?? maybe .. maybe not.. does this make me close up?? you bet.... happy fucking monday everyone ....

* i have to add that i was chatting with him via e-mail and the e-mails were read after my e-mail was HACKED into.... yes i was flirting and yes i said "i've all but said we should get naked and bump monkeys".... kinda like ima will really come here and stick her head up my ass ... or i will shove my tongue down someones throat *

i just am.....i don't like it .... i want to lash out... i want it to go away....i want time to sit .... to get over the anger... it gets better then wham... feels like a fucking train wreck...i know it will ...i need time... does anyone understand this???

woooo hoooo it's here and just happy friday everyone...was a crazy day at work and i have to work tomorrow but i get to snooze and extra hour ... i'm soooooo happy about that ... mwa jacq

that sometimes i could just blog away ... without anything being read into it by one person or another... unfortunately that is not the case here and sometimes it sucks ... i could really use a good blog with some good honest comments that would come from who ever reads this.. that is if anyone does lol .. i know some of my favorite girls do hehehehe....
seriously NN blog is the closest i get probably to sharing my secrets, thoughts, etc.. at least at this point in my life and i feel i can't even type freely... some one somewhere will take offense...this blog alone may do it ... my words will get scrambled with others ... some will just read what they think they see... none will take the time or effort to ask what i'm talking about .. and if they were too i may not want to talk about that either... right there is a whole nother other problem....damn....
happy thursday everyone and kisses too wtoc... mwa jacq

so i get up this morn minding my own business to get ready for work .... shower, lotion, dress, etc..... go to do my hair and my brush is gone..... poof just gone...
my little secret i kinda am prone to ranting and raving at times ... so i'm yelling @ the boys...."where the fuck is my brush it was here yesterday? who the hell took it?" .... this is what comes back ... kid #1 "not me".... kid #2 "not me"... kid #3 "not me"... pauls not even gonna dare answer me besides he has velcro hair....
so what i want to know ... where the fuck is notme at???? i don't hate really but boy i'm sure disliking notme... he's been hanging around way to much ...i guess i should be thankful notme doesn't eat to much but i swear when i catch him and i will ... i'm gonna string the little shit up by his toes...../me goes in search of her brush and notme...
happy tuesday .... mwa jacquie

i pack a note in paulys lunch ... yes a love note that is ... last nite i packed the lyrics to a song and tonite was telling him i have no clue to who sings it or the name of it... i'm really bad with that kind of stuff... took me forever to find it yesterday....
anyway ... he said here i have it and omg.... he keeps every note i send him in an envelope in his work bag... who does that??? he said what am i supposed to do with it??? i thought he threw it out with the paper ....that is the kind of shit that makes a body cry..... big sigh of content ... jacq

yup today i had the day off... the first day off in 500 years woooooo hooooooo.... the boys were in school.... paul was @ work... it was exactly what i needed .. did some errands this morn and then plopped my ass on the couch with some chinese food, my book, and the remote to switch between stupid talk shows and stupid soaps.. exquisite i tell you....but.... there always has to be the but you know...

it was so quiet and silent that as the day wore on i realized the phone had only rang once and that was my mom calling this morn.... i thought someone surely called when i was out... a quick check to the caller id told me nope.....scrolling further i realized i haven't had any calls in forever well from anyone to just rattle....

i'm not really bothered by this but it got me to thinking who has been in my life lately and what happened to those relationships ... i still have my best friend in the whole wide world ... but with work and kids and such we don't talk as much as we used to .... but the ones that have come and gone .. the ones i used to be really close to that because of circumstance we are more of acquaintances now .... and just to be clear i'm talking g/f's that you just bitch to, laugh with, share your dreams, thoughts, whatever with....

i kind of have to pull back sometimes and wonder sheesh is there something wrong with me??? i used to be surrounded by people all the time... maybe i'm just getting older and tired of the bullshit of always trying to make everyone happy??? maybe i'll never know....

i think if it is me and i'm some bitchy freak i'll probably never change this late in life lol ... i'll just stick with the if paul and the boys are happy all is great, grand, and wonderful...

happy friday everyone.... mwa wtoc jacq

i have been waiting to blog and now not sure what i want to say or how i want to say it but here goes rattling at it's finest...
about 2 years ago and and roughly 2 months ago i started getting myself ready to quit smoking...after more than 25 years i might add... i started trying to get everyone i knew who smoked to quit with me ... yes some NN'rs too.... i went to see the doc got some pills... loaded up on patches ... started making smoking just really fucking inconvenient (like omg i have to leave chat to go smoke)..
long story short i'm happy to say that we quit 2 years ago today...out of about 8 of us there are 3 of us that still don't smoke (paul, myself, and bernie) don't like to be a braggart but i'm just really proud of us... don't know what made the difference this time but wow it's just hard to believe... the weirdest thing now is seeing pics of me when i'm smoking.. that's a trip....
/me leaves blogs with her chest puffed up.....
mwa... jacquie

want to add a p.s.... and just say thank you to all the soldiers that have fought are still fighting and who have had their lives taken... my thoughts today are with you all and your loved ones... kisses