to feel. I'm starting the upward climb from being sick with the flu and now I feel like I'm getting an ear infection on top of it all. But to make me feel even worse is that I was taken off a fb page b/c I comment "too much" (which I don't) and they didn't want things to ripple the 'water'...whatever I guess.

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b81ZahUvdCM[/url]

I couldn't pass this up...Wenchie, I'm copying you ehre hehe

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4fPHt0FjEU&feature=related[/url]

and another one...

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPROXhnoUm8&feature=related[/url]

I decided to check my stuff on his computer and while on his pc, I searched annulment just to see what the limitations were for it. Later while he was online he went to search for something else and seen annulment in the search drop down and he asked me if I had looked at it and I said yes but that's all I did was look. I eventually started to cry and after a couple minutes I told him that I feel like he's married to the computer not me. So he got sad (understandable) and went to bed. We layed in bed and talked about some things. He said he doesn't want to lose me and he'll do whatever he has to, like spending less time on the computer. So he has been doing a little better. We shall see if things get even better. Part of me is still confused but I do want my marriage to work.....

is somewhat difficult between us. For some reason I don't feel like I can sit down and have a serious conversation with him, maybe because he'd have hurt feelings or maybe because he'd get mad at what I think (the truth). I don't really know, I can communicate well with others, just have a hard time with him.

Plus I was reading in Cosmopolitan last night and they have an article in there about going with your gut instinct. I think maybe mine was MIA around the time we got married and it's now catching up. I really wish I knew the solution to this problem, other than divorce, but I'm not sure there is much of a solution. Will have to wait and see, I'm gonna give him a couple months to see if anything changes and/or improves, if not...I'm gonna have to come up with a way of saying it's over, and man I don't want to hurt him, but I can't live my life like this either. Time will tell.

I don't want to be married right now!?!?!? I dunno tho, I want to be with someone just don't want to be married at the moment. Seems odd because for the longest time I couldn't wait to get married. Will have to wait and see what happens.

and although my husband and I had a conversation where he realized he spends too much time on the computer, between games (mostly) and porn, I'm still at a standstill. I think I still need to write a cpl things down for him, but I don't know how that will go. He was a little better yesterday, but today started his first of 6 back at work. I don't want the computer to be a cop out of being stressed at work, I get stressed too but don't use that excuse. I'm gonna give him some time to try and change and we'll see how things go. I feel like we rushed into things last year, between meeting in may, him visiting in july, and moving up here in august. I do love him, but at the same time I have to do what is right for me. I don't want my marriage to fail, but I also don't want to have to do it all on my own. I did ask him the other night if he thinks we rushed into marriage and he said no, but I think we did. Why couldn't I have had these doubts/feelings 4 months ago?

So there's that for now.

or trying to think. These past couple weeks have been kinda tough for me. Not sure what happened to make me feel the way I have been but I've been feeling it and I am emotionally drained because of it.

The scoop...I have issues with my marriage. I feel like I'm just a "maid" and I'm here for the occasional sex. For almost the past year I have taken the back burner to my husband playing games/looking at porn on the computer (the games are frequented the most). We don't cuddle during movies, I do the laundry and occasionally he helps take it down the basement or upstairs, otherwise it's me doing it.

I guess my main issue is that I feel like we rushed into getting married (the 15th will be 3 months) and I'm not sure this is what I really want. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and I do care about him, but at the same time, what about me? How long do I have to take the backseat to the computer?? I think I worry too much about hurting others that I don't really think about how I feel.

I don't want to break his heart, but at the same time I don't know if our being married is right either. With this being my first real relationship and not thinking I could find anyone that would want to be with me, I thought he was the one and we got married.

My plan is to write him a letter letting him know how I feel because I don't know how to bring up the subject without crying right away, but maybe he'll try and talk to me about it. I know I'll have to give him to try and change but I don't know how long or what to do. It makes this more difficult because we are planning a fairly big camping trip next month and I don't want to ruin that but also the holidays are right around the corner.

Not to mention I don't want to hurt him because he moved here to MN all the way from SC. So I dunno. Any feedback is welcomed.

MARRIED!!! What a day, was crazy busy but it all came together! And my head, no more bobby pins, it feels soo much better, I had a headache plus my scalp hurt from all those damn pins, 1/4 of them which were broken. All is good now though.

I will be a Mrs.!!!! YaY!!!!! See yall on the flip side