So once again, I spent the weekend without hearing from him b/c his gf spent the weekend again and now that he's back in TX for work, he calls me. We talk and whatever and as usual it goes back to us, but there isn't an us, we're just friends.

He decided to go to bed b/c he didn't want to argue with me, so we hung up. I then texted him and asked him why I'm such a hush hush/sideline friend, he didn't understand it. He NEVER talks to me when she's around, if I'm any kind of friend, why can't he? But I guess I'm not a "friend"...I can't bring myself to be just friends with him.

well we texted more and I told him that he never cared about how I felt and said that it was a bullshit lie, but when I asked him why he hooked up with her last summer when me and him were talking about getting back together, he said and I quote him "I understand that but it didn't work out and I'm happy with her and plan on spendin the rest of my life with her so just be happy 4 us and quit tryin 2 stir up shit" and with that I responded with "whatever, now I know the truth." So he called me and I decided to answer it, and upon "talking" which wasn't much...I asked him how he would feel if he was in my place and he said he didn't know. He doesn't know how it feels to love someone and not get them back, probably b/c he's the one who didn't care about how I felt last summer, even now.

He asked me if I wanted to be friends with him anymore and I said I don't know, b/c I don't. As strong as I am, this hurts a lot and I wish I could just let it go. I told him I won't be happy for him, not for a long time if ever. How can I be happy for someone, when he didn't choose me? I can't.

I guess I should end this rant.

...so hard to be happy?? I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago for stupid reasons. I wasn't totally happy about that decision but there wasn't a lot I could do, he was on the verge of ending it also.

We still talk all the time, except when his girlfriend is around...hence why it's so hard to be happy. I think about him all the time, we talk all the time, and he still tells me he loves me (I know he does, somewhere in his heart he does).

The hardest part right now, is I want him back. Last summer we had talked about getting back together and it didn't happen, he hooked up with his current "bitch" cuz that's what she is. I don't know her that much, but I do know that she's too controlling. She even recorded the message for his voice mail on his cell phone, I mean c'mon, it's HIS cell phone and only his voice should be on it. And he asked me not to text or call him this weekend b/c she was going to spend the weekend. That broke my heart b/c he knows I want him back and he's told me he wants me back. I know breaking up with people is sometimes hard to do, but my feelings for him never stopped.

If I didn't care about him or want him back, I wouldn't be as upset about him still being with her as I am. I tell him every time I talk to him that I want him back and that he should get back together with me, I just hope he does that soon.

I really do love him and want to be with him. I just hope he realizes that soon!!

Why is it that certain people are allowed to sit in chat and belittle and ridicule everyone constantly, yet nothing is said or done to them just b/c they're liked by certain people (mods included)? It's annoying and it's bullshit, I know that I cuss people out sometimes and at times I shouldn't be in there, but these are certain people, ALL the time...They shouldn't be allowed in chat anymore nor be a member of the site any longer. I guess this is all making my decision to delete my account a whole lot easier. Will decide that later...Anyways so there's my rant for the moment...

Why do people such as WIFE4BLACK, post the same pic, yet they're always changing their name and never posting any other pics? I think that's rather annoying but oh well, that's my opinion I guess eh? I'm not trying to sound like a bitch but hey I have the potential to be one so you think what you like to...laterz

Why is it that some people are too lazy to take the time to answer a few questions and fill in some simple information for their profiles? It ticks me off when people PM me asking me all this stuff but once I look in their profile, its empty. Why PM me then? If you can't take the 5-10 minutes to fill out anything in your profile, don't waste my time or even your own, I will get downright bitchy with you. Be considerate and fill out your profile so that I, along with everyone else on NN doesn't have to waste our time looking at someone who doesn't have diddly squat in their profile. Have a nice day!