hi everybody

so much nothing to report this time. life's been quiet. i've been a bit down the last week but nothing too bad. i've really done little that's memorable but go to work.

last saturday i caught up with the old housemate from perth and his daughter and her girlfriend. when i last saw her she was maybe 7? (i lived with the family when she was 5/6?) and she's now 25 and a punk-rock princess?. turns out she modeled at some point. she has both her parents height, and her mums skinniness, and her dad's sense of humour and tattoos. it was a bit of a reminder i'm a lot older now. her and her gf were sickeningly cute. they cop a lot of flak on fb because of their cuteness. they're still in the "honeymoon" stage one of them called it when i commented on it. they both seem pretty happy which is good. i think i commented previously that the gf of the daughter had been bashed randomly in brunswick because she was a lesbian and not interested in the loud group of guys from a society that often seems to think women are there for male pleasures. my friend described her at one stage during breakfast as looking like a scared little possum and it was quite apt. she's all eyes and small faced and really looks harmless. it's a pity there's still idiots out there in male land.

we all had breakfast on smith street (eggs benedict and eggs florentine from memory) and then wanted down smith st while my friend tried to convince us all that his ecofriendly peoplefriendly freetrade friendly sustainable environmentally $2 tshirts with rats on them were the exact same quality and standard as the stores that we (the daughter+gf and myself) wanted to go to. we agreed to disagree and i found some cheap j2011s on the back wall at the nike warehouse and the girls found tshirts at street machine. from there we went to some store that sold shirts with collars and trousers and the only good thing i found for me was a $5 scarf that is bright yellow and says "crime scene do not cross" which i thought was entirely apt and appropriate for me. i'll probably still wear my black scarf once it gets cold though. yellow's still a bit bright. i've branched out into wearing red and blue which are my first attempts at wearing 'colour that isn't black or related to black' in a long time. i'm sure i've mentioned that already. well yellow isn't quite either of those colours so it'll probably hang on the hook for a while yet.

after there we all split up and i came home and had a quiet night pottering around the house and tried to get some sleep. oh i installed windows 8 onto one hard drive and it seems ok so far. some little bits to work out and i'll probably swap over completely because i'm stupid like that - what could possibly go wrong with running a prebeta software as my main operating system right?

sunday was more quietness, followed by some mojitos and pizza at my lawyer friends house before home again at a reasonable hour for more sleep.

monday was quiet again. sleep. pottering around the house. an early night to try and feel better at work the next day because i'd started to feel ordinary.

tuesday was work and an early night because i was still feeling ordinary.

wednesday was different actually. i woke feeling ordinary, but i had scored a free pass to an ultra violent movie called "the raid". it's about a police assault on a gangsters high rise tower in jakarta and of course things go wrong and its all kungfu and other various martial arts and weapons and violence to the rescue. they certainly chose the right target market because there was much clapping and laughing and enjoyment from the cinema crowd. it's basically a martial arts showcase but boy i hope the stuntmen weren't doing the jackie chan style of ‘just getting hurt when doing stunts' because if so there's some guys walking around jakarta with some very hurt backs.

thursday and friday i spent in bed waiting for the cold to get better or worse or something because i was sick of feeling half unwell. i don't think it worked exactly because my nose is still blocked and i still don't feel awesome. thursday i saw the ex, and her dad is dying rapidly. i had to lend her some money which i think is kinda odd, but its because she's too proud to ask her dad for it (despite her not working because she's looking after him) and with the current bf they're not getting along too well and she said it was easier to ask me because i wont give her the third degree i'll just lend it to her. its kinda enforced savings for me anyway - i get paid monthly so at least this means i'll have some money i cant have spent already when she pays me back in a week.

today i went to a raffle early this morning for the chance to buy some overhyped sneakers cheaply but my name wasn't drawn so i hung out with some friends for a while, then picked up another pair of j14s before heading home. once home i sorted out some photos and move files around and did some washing and bought in the washing and played with notzoro for a while and went to safeway and got dinner and wrote all this which somehow has turned into two pages despite doing nothing for two weeks.

sunday I'm planning to take easy and do little.


have a good week everybody.

hi everybody

well it’s all over now. Everyone has returned home and it’s all back to normal.

it started early. i thought they arrived at 10am or so, and went to bed around 4am. they arrived at 7am. they failed to wake me at first, so they went off for breakfast and then came back and managed to wake me that time. they had a quick nap, i had a shower and then we went off to show them some of smith street, brunswick st and then the city. home again for more nap, and off to the city for dinner and drinks. so many drinks. at one stage i had at least 4 lined up on the table waiting for me. i was good and didn't mix drinks at all until the very end when i started on shooters and long island teas again. after the first place we ended up at the horrible bad karaoke bar which i think i’ve mentioned before. i so need to find a better karaoke so when this group of people insist on karaoke, which they do when drunk, i can go somewhere better than where they keep taking me.

after we left we had the normal problems with taxi’s in the city on a weekend night, and eventually made it home safely.

Sunday was spent sleeping till about 6pm or so, at which point we headed to Grilled on brunswick st for hearty burgers, and then to polly for real cocktails and more alcohol. the boys from perth were pretty impressed with polly and finally understood why i liked going there and only there so much. when we finished, it was about midnight. the guys had to catch flights at 6am or so to get back to perth in time for work that morning. because we were in fitzroy not the city, we had no taxi problems, walking home easily and enjoying the nice night. the weather that day had been typical of melbourne - 4 seasons in one day. it was hot when we all woke up, it was raining while humid while we walked to burgers, it pissed down while we ate burgers and drank, and when we finished drinking, it had finished raining and was hot again.

I had organised the monday off work which was a good idea because i slept for most of the morning. i eventually got up and showered, went and bought myself some more birthday nikes and then came home and had a quiet drink by myself and recovered from the weekend.

tuedsay night i caught up with friends for dinner where they gave me their birthday present - a 2 litre ice-cream maker which is also capable of, and was bought for the purpose of, making slushies (so we can make margarita’s easier). however it’s turned out that the bit that needs freezing for 12hrs won’t fit in my freezer at all. it’s just too big. so now we’re determining whether to return it, or whether buying a freezer for my back yard is a good idea. there’s no room in the house so it’d have to go outside, which would mean we’d have to be able to secure it with bolts and chains or something. i can’t afford it by myself it’s simple, but the people who gave it to me are considering it might be an investment in that we can stay home and drink margaritas instead of going out and paying exorbitant dollars for margaritas, which we do now anyway. that would also mean we could store more alcohol for those um emergency situations where more alcohol is required urgently. anyway, while the present was being exchanged more friends turned up including a new friend (from france i think). if i get the story right, he’s a ex-UN employee who is on a tourist working visa? for a year. he’d arrived 4 hrs before and was now xxxxxx into coming to the bar by the mutual friend. from that bar we went to trippy taco but there was no seating and the bar menu wasn't up to one friends standards so we went around to corner to somewhere i cant remember the name of, and straight to the beer garden for dinner and more drinks. i had an emu burger which was nice enough i guess. tasted a bit different but not unpleasant. from there it was home.

Wednesday i caught up with the ex after work (again for my birthday). her dad is dying of cancer and has maybe weeks but no more than months to live. its a long complicated story, but basically he’s an alcoholic dickhead arsehole. she was bashed by him and left home early because he wouldn't stop bashing her and her mum and nobody believed the stories that she was being abused by a good family friend. it has been a major drama her whole life and impacted a lot on us when we were together (about 10 years or so). when he found out he was dying 2? years ago, he changed his view on a lot of things, and reached out to her. for her own peace of mind, she responded. long story short, she’s now having to nurse him through dying. he can’t retain a nurse for more than a day or two because he swears and is an idiot and a dickhead. my ex puts up with it because its her dad. anyway, its pretty draining for her, and so most of wednesday night was just listening to her and giving her some space to sit and just not really have to think about it. it’s pretty shit (for her) at the moment really.

crap i just scrolled up. its an essay again.

thursday I had server dramas at work and didn't get home till late. i did think of a perfect user name for twitter but i’m not sharing it here. if you know me and really want to know, ask me. it’s a perfect name for me IMHO (and the few people who know it now). wish i’d thought of it earlier.

friday was drink with geeks night and despite some political dramas that i’m refusing to deal with anymore it was a good night. some of my friends from tuesday night turned up and we got stuck into the tequila and did a pretty good job i had thought. no hangover saturday morning though. we had some dramas coming home with a taxi driver deciding that being rude and ignoring the law was an option. i wasn’t going to bother reporting him but as he left he nearly ran through a cyclist. unfortunately while i had the car number i didn't have the drivers number but i’ll know for next time to use the phone to get a pic of his ID. that’ll be easiest i know some taxi drivers have a hard time but that doesn’t mean that ignoring the law becomes an option. i’m a regular taxi user and have made myself familiar with the law because of the number of bad taxi drivers out there. but still it was a good night out.
Saturday and sunday i did very little. some friends came over saturday to chill out and play some nbajam on the 360. saturday night i actually went to bed around 9:30pm just for a change and slept through till about 10am this morning. today i pottered around the house a lot and played some GTA4 and caught up on some email and wrote this essay. i thought an easy day would be good for me after the activity of the week before.

NotZoro has been back to visit and is behaving very friendly and purring and all now. it’s like he misses Zoro perhaps and is bored, so i’m now an acceptable person to talk too. when i got up saturday morning, he was coming out of the study. he’d let himself in the window that i used to leave open for the other cats, and had decided to investigate the house. he had wanted to come in the last few times i saw him perhaps he decided i’d said no often enough? after the number of years he’s ignored me it just seems strange. he did hiss at me again today, but that was because i was trying to guide him out the door lol he’d been out the back and decided to meow so i assumed it was because he wanted out the front. but no. he just wanted to sit in the open doorway and look out the front. of course how could i be so mistaken. i thought it was funny after so long at hissing at me when i tried to pat him previously, he was now hissing because he didn't want to leave my house. still no sign of the real zoro though

anyway, that's the week that was i guess. don't have any plans for the week ahead so far. still need to find a housemate - guess i should work on that.


have a good week everybody

hi everybody

well the week seems to be speeding up and there's not enough time in the days and the weekends going to be worse so i figured i better blog now before i forget everything. seems to be lots going on. i've got advertisements up for a housemate and have had a few responses. anybody wanna come live in collingwood with me? the old housemate from perth who i was expecting to move in decided he cant afford it which is fair enough but it meant that where i just expected someone to move in at start of feb has become an advertisement for a housemate.

i went out for drinks last friday and set out to get drunk. i rarely get drunk. its a hard thing to achieve for me. i can drink a lot generally. as long as i don't mix my drinks too much. which i don't generally. we started the night with some of that premade add ice mojito stuff, which surprisingly didn't seem too bad, but it could have been the vodka talking. i did read the label the next day before i threw out the bottle, and it had the crappiest description on the label. its basically premade vodka mojito from nz, but who knows if the spirits came from nz or was just bottled there. after there we went to naked for satan, which is a vodka tapas bar in fitzroy. pretty much all night i mixed my drinks (mostly randomish shooters really) and then between those, i washed it all down with long island teas. from there we stopped at some place for food (i had some kind of salad with spinach, pumpkin, pinenuts and something) and washed it down with a long island tea. then on to polly, for more of the same. then to some random bar in collingwood where i'm not really sure what i drank to be honest. at some point (probably not long) after drinking some shooter (that was a poor resemblance to one of the girls native shooters from beirut apparently), i decided i was soon to be too drunk and departed. i don't exactly remember the walk home but i do remember stumbling around once arriving home, taking my drugs and then falling into bed. the next morning i woke up, decided that i had achieved the requirements for the "hangover achievement", awarded it to myself, and then took some stronger drugs and went back to bed. at 6pm i decided i might be able to get to the art show i wanted to see before it closed at 9pm. as i got out of the shower and realised it was 8:30pm, i gave up, had something to eat, took my drugs and went back to bed. sunday i felt pretty good really. got up, cleaned up around the house, went to the shops, walked around - the normal kind of thing i guess for sunday.

i went out for dinner on monday. we tried to goto trippy taco but there was no seating so we walked to an indian place i know close by. it seems to do most of its trade by delivery or takeaway because i've now been there a few times, and each time my friends and i are the only people who eat inside. we see people come and go with takeaway so we know others eat there, and the food is great really. nobody has had any complaints. its just a large area for a restaurant if nobody goes there.

stepping back in time the trip to narrogin went well. grandmas well. doesn't look a day over 100 really. hasn't changed in a few years in my view. but i only see her in small doses. the old folks home seems pretty boring. it'd be pretty bad to be stuck there for a long time. no wonder grandma looks forward to seeing people. it tires her out but it's probably better than being so bored. time would pass very slowly. perth is still perth. suburbia is still suburbia. the ocean and sunset at scarborough was great. there was a lot less people than i expected for a friday night, especially considering the heat that day. if it was st kilda it'd be packed. i wandered around perth cbd for a few hours one afternoon. the only thing i really noticed is no 7-11s. all the melbourne people will recognise that. there's one every few meters in melbourne it seems. in perth i couldn't find one. there's a business opportunity for someone. otherwise it's still the same perth cbd. some shops haven't changed since i left perth in 97. and the cbd just hasn't seem to grow at all. actually i did notice lots of new, empty shops. i think someone's working on the "if you build it they will come (eventually)" theory. i also caught up some friends when i could, and watched some quality zombie films with one. gotta love zombies. after grandma, the zombies were probably the best thing about perth really lol


tomorrow is sat. actually now is saturday, and friends from perth arrive in about 7 hrs. i turn 40 on sunday, so i'm having drinks tonight at a bar in the city, and they've flown in for that. the plan is to wake up sunday and then repeat the drinking at polly on sunday night, and then they'll fly home very early monday morning and i'll sleep all day and then go back to work tuesday. hopefully it'll be a good night. not sure about the whole 40 thing. i dont feel 40. but i am looking forward to seeing my friends so i'll just focus on that. if anyone wants to come along, drop me a pm quickly i've worked out what i would like for my birthday, but i don't think i'll get it because well actually it doesn't need to be written down, but i'll dream anyway. stranger things have happened. so far for my birthday, i've been given 62.5 standard drinks (which equates to the 2x1.75 litres of alcohol i've been given so looking forward to disposing of that next week. i wont need it this weekend i suspect. i'll have enough alcohol when i'm out. ooh just remembered we're eating korean bbq before we go out tomorrow night. that'll be yummy.


ok, well i should be in bed so i can get up before my friends get here. that'll make this almost short for my essay standards. i doubt i'll get to log in over the weekend so i expect next time i write, i'll be older


have a good one everybody.

hi everybody

mostly inspired by one of Ocean's blogs (that's now deleted), here's some random information about me that you probably don't need to know and probably don't care about. this was written mostly between waiting for grandma to sleep when i was visiting her a week or so ago. i wish i'd worked out some of it sooner - it might have prevented me from making some stupid mistakes but probably not.

to those who don't like reading the novels, this might be a long one and you might want to tune out now

* i'm allergic to bee stings (i think). the last time i got stung i was very young, and i remember going to hospital for it. i've not been willing to take a chance getting stung for the last 30 years to see how badly allergic i am.

* i've not always been the most well behaved boy but i've been trying really hard for over 15 years now to make a real change in how i do things. mostly it's working. karma is starting to slowly flow back to me.

* i was originally born in country western australia. thanks to my dads 'shortcuts', i've been to almost every town and village and petrol station in the south west of western australia. i think i'd be happy if i never saw any of them again. once we moved to the city i quickly assimilated and now like concrete. as i get older i'm slowly appreciating some parts of nature more but mostly nature tries to hurt me so i stay away.

* i'm so pale that i've been mistaken for an internal bleeding victim when i try to go out in the sun i either burn to a crisp, or the sun avoids me and i don't get brown. along those lines, i once spent the day at the water park in kelmscott? and spent the whole day in the tubes, and did not equate being outdoors and needing sunscreen as the same as being inside transparent tubes of water that amplify the suns burning powers. myself and my mates went home with water blisters over our backs. for several days i slept on my front.

* i have now lived longer in the same house in collingwood than i have lived anywhere else in my life. for a renter that's kinda odd.

* i really highly value my old friendships. i don't make good friends that easily, so those friendships that have lasted over the years (and the interstate and inter-country moves) i really like. my oldest friends have known me since i was 14 or so now. they know the way i fail occasionally and don't get that mad at me when i repeat the same mistakes. some of them are really good at reminding me that i'm not as bad/useless/worthless as i think i am at times, and have helped prevent me from doing stupid things over the years. one who has recently returned to my life let me stay at her house whenever i made myself homeless between the ages of 14-22. i doubt i'll ever be able to pay her back what i feel i owe.

* i'm not particularly good with people. i work better with computers and logical things. computers like me. people often don't (at first). over time i apparently become better. the exception are kids and babies. they love me straight away generally. this is annoying because kids are a form of people, and as already expressed i'm not a huge fan of people. it's like i enter the room and they make a beeline for me. if they're crying, i just have to ask why and they shut up and just stare at me. i prefer kids once they can understand logic. i like the logic of "if you don't make my life a hassle, i'll not make yours a hassle". this eventually works. since i'm the only uncle/fakeuncle with the computer games and the lego and the toys and the shiny things, they generally decide quickly they prefer not making my life a hassle. i'm ok with people i've known for a while, or know well, and online i'm better but i can happily go for days without actual interaction with people.

* before FB made it really easy, i used to remember birthdays and send people messages for their day. it's a little thing but it can make such a difference to peoples days.

* i can barely swim. i like pools over the ocean. if i cant touch the bottom and keep my head above water i start to get nervous. i nearly drowned as a kid, and i went to the beach generally only for swimming lessons for two weeks a year, at a beach where waves broke regularly. i like water tubes occasionally but since the last occasionally was nearly 20 years ago i'm not sure anymore.

* i stayed away from home regularly throughout my high school years. i'd argue with the parental units and leave rather than stay and keep arguing.as i got older i stayed away longer. i still have the habit of leaving rather than continuing to argue. i just walk off generally. or hang up. my brain can't think as quickly as it needs to and i need time to process stuff otherwise i end up saying and doing things i regretted after, so leaving became the best option for me. it's like my brain fills up with too many thoughts and words and just gets confused.

* when i'm hurt and wounded, i tend to lash out and hurt those around me. i can be really cutting with my words without realising how cutting i am being. i try not to anymore, but its difficult and not natural. i think i figure that if i hurt, then others can hurt too, and if one of those is the person who hurt me then all the better. i'm not really sure. when i do it, and realise later what i've done i don't really remember it the same way. i can see what i've done - there's normally evidence, but i don't recall doing it. i think in my hurt upset daze i just forget everything i've tried to learn. i thought i was over it until recently i was reminded i'm obviously not. again, this often translates into leaving a discussion i don't like or don't feel able to handle. i can sometimes predict it's gonna happen and leaving without explaining is easier and quicker and trying to leave with the explanation of "i'm leaving because i'm about to get really cruel and mean i can feel it and i don't want to do that to you".

* i've been baptised, had first communion, and been confirmed. i've had every roman catholic rite that can be done done to me except for marriage, dying and becoming a priest. i was an altar boy as well. i'm probably the only guy you know who's slept in at least two nunneries most of the priests i saw as an alter boy could barely speak english and were way out of their depth in country west aus so i never saw anything that these days is typically associated with catholic priests. these days i'm a confirmed non agreer with organised religions and anybody who preaches religion. unless it's my religion - that's acceptable.

* i dislike double standards, especially when i feel i'm suffering because of them. i don't like them in general though. every ones equal. we're all the same. get over it.

* i dislike bullies and people being picked on or treated badly. sometimes i step in. sometimes these days i worry that if i step in i'll cause more trouble for everyone and especially me so i don't. i forget that i'm not the old me who was younger and faster and stronger and more intimidating than the average person was. not i'm the older, slower, more breakable, less intimidating looking me. i used to be able to stand up and that'd make people sit down and behave. now if i had to back up my words, i'd probably come out worse for me. if it's an internet bully i step in almost automatically because well it's the right thing to do.

* i've been in more car accidents than i can easily remember. i got a whiplash payout in 1990 (i think) for some of them. in only one minor one was it my fault. the rest i was either the passenger or just the unlucky driver who suffered because of someone else. it means i cant turn my neck around as easily as others can, and i can't lift as much as i used to. i don't drive anymore in part because of not being able to turn my head, and in part because i don't need to drive. i still have a license. it's my form of ID. i don't have a passport.

* my hair is softer and finer than you expect. and dead straight.

* i'm pigeon toed

* I've only woken up in hospital once from drinking, and never had my stomach pumped. there were several times when stomach pumping was probably a sensible idea but i survived. most people (old friends who are familiar with my early drinking years) assume i've woken up in hospital because of drinking more than once, and had my stomach pumped more than once.

* i've never had an STD (i think they're called STIs now?). the doctor who did the first test, and who i'd seen for many years prior to then, was completely surprised when the tests *all* came back negative. i started bonking before condoms became compulsory, so it was a pleasant surprise to find out i was, as suspected/expected, clean. he had expected that i'd caught something but recovered naturally.

* i was a private high school kid. a strict roman catholic based high school. it sucked and we barely got along. i'm semi sure strings were pulled to ensure i was allowed to stay there till graduation. i can't really go into details there.

* i have more sneakers than you think.

* i have the collector/hoarder gene, and like things.

* i like books. especially pretty picture books, or nonfictional fact type books. and true australian crime. my book collection normally surprises everyone because there's always something they didn't expect to see.

* i like being prepared and having a plan. not knowing what's going on makes me anxious. i'm not good with surprises.

* i try to apologize when i do the wrong thing. some things are deserved but other things aren't, but the wrong thing generally stands out as the wrong thing. i wish others would realise their wrong things but doesn't happen as often as i want. i think when i learned to apologise it was a good step forward.

* 5? years ago i had a psych eval done which, among other things, determined that i have a habit of self destructive tendencies where because i expect things to go bad (for me), i manufacture the environment to enable them to go bad (for me). i don't always realise i'm doing this. i do it so when things go bad, the situation fits what i had thought would happen. now i'm aware of it, i can see where i've done that certainly in my past. unfortunately i haven't worked out how to stop this one yet. i tend to burn bridges. i see things as bad so it doesn't matter if it's worse. unfortunately when i snap out of it, i work out that worse is actually worse, and that i liked those bridges that are now embers. this ties into the lashing out and leaving i mentioned earlier.

the same psych eval said i didn't have aspergers syndrome, which was the primary reason getting the eval done. i've got heaps of similarities to aspergers and autism but i'm a special mix that so far has defied definition.

* i dislike when i don't do things i say i'll do. I keep track of more things that i haven't done when i said i would than is probably healthy. i remember things i said i would do for years after the people involved have forgotten them.

* on a related note, i dislike when i feel i've let myself or others down. i don't volunteer for important jobs because of this. my life seems to go up and down a lot and its caused me to let people down so by not volunteering for positions of responsibility it means my ability to screw up is reduced. i do favours for friends. i don't do work for them. i give people things, rather than sell them. selling them implies responsibility. i volunteer to work at my friends conventions, i don't volunteer to help plan and organise and timetable. i just set things up and do what i'm told.

* i prefer to do the work generally rather than be a boss. i don't like silver service restaurants. i don't like being waited on.


hmm... it doesn't feel like i've written lots because they're all short paragraphs but when i scroll back it looks like another novel. probably like lots of other people on nn, i find writing these blogs to be good for me, and help me to work out the confusion that's often inside my head.

in other news, grandma is well and didn't look a day over 100. perth is still perth and i'm still glad i don't live there anymore. zoro disappeared a few weeks before i flew to perth and hasn't been seen since. the other 'notzoro' cat has been hanging around a lot more and being a lot more friendly than normal. it's a bit weird.

oh other big news is i turn 40 in 7 days. no more saying i'm in my 30s


have a good week everybody

what nostrodudeos predicted has come to pass. things are back to ordinary. nothing happened to grandma. just shit happened as it always does, and i'll deal with it by being an idiot for a while (cos that seems to be my pattern of behaviour) and then get over it. excuse my language, but its so fucking typical. just as i think i'm closer to the light


i hope everyone can forgive me in advance for being an idiot the next little while.


god parts of me just want to be a real arse but i'm supposed to be better than that and i wanna think i am so i just have to sit and be sad.



i should have seen it coming.

hi everyone. was working on it but things kept getting busy. the houseguest/mate has gone back to sydney, technically without paying nearly as much as he should have in rent he says he will when he gets some invoices paid but i'm not gonna count on it. as usual with that mate, there's always a catch.

i'm now in perth, updating via a new telstra broadband thingy on a borrowed eee pc. going to help my grandma turn 102 next week. i'm sure i've mentioned last year but she lives in a small boring country town, and since visiting grandma basically means visiting her at the old folks home after breakfast, after lunch, after her nap, and then after dinner, i wanted to take some manner of communicating with the internet between visits. i'll watch some tv shows and hopefully get on nn if i can.

apart from the heat here in perth, things are pretty good. dont have a lot of time to update but just wanted to say things were going well dont get to say that too often so thought i should while i had the opportunity

So a new plan. blog often. blog quick. bet i keep this up for maybe a week or so lol

haven’t done much at all last few days. it was hot here for the 2nd and 3rd of Jan, and my house becomes a sweat-box. good for losing weight, not good for anything else. i basically spent those two days in my room trying to sleep, fans on full, and occasionally getting online because it was too hot to sleep.

i worked yesterday. it was pretty quiet thankfully.the people i’d normally get a lift home with (in the car) are on holidays so its public transport all the way for me. it means instead of getting home by 5:30p, i can get home by 6:30p, and because the tram drops me off in front of the supermarket, i’m always tempted to buy fresh food for dinner and stuff like that so its more like 7 before i get home. i have another few weeks of this before my lifts return to work but soon after they do i’m off on my WA2012 tour. i generally say perth tour but i’ll won’t spend much time there at all so it doesn’t really seem appropriate.

i’m kinda looking forward to the trip. it’s speeding towards me now. i think i’m probably putting expectations in my head, which will then not occur, which will then make me disappointed, but trying to avoid doing that. i think when i imagine things, they’re in my perfect world, and then when i get to reality, it’s far from my perfect world, and so the difference is obvious and disappointing. i tend to remember things as they were, and not allow for changes to occur. i remember now i type it, but i always forget how long it takes to get anywhere in perth. i generally like to think if i go to the city, the shops will have all changed and be interesting, but on previous trips, it’s always been the same.i’m sure some of them have had the same stock since i left in 97. i’m learning slowly there’s no real need to leave where i’m staying except to see friends, which is good because when i’m there it is very holiday like and relaxing. if i can find someone to go to the beach with, i might try and do that for a bit. i can’t swim, so don’t go to beaches that much, but the WA beaches rock, and the sunsets are nicer than over here. i used to spend lots of summer nights having dinner at random beach cafes and restaurants, just enjoying a nice fish meal with beer watching the sun go down.

oh i have realized zoro is going to be a problem now i have a holiday planned. the current housemate might be back in sydney by then, and pretty certain i can’t afford a cattery for 3 weeks. there’s nobody living that close either. gotta think on that one.

Hi everybody

(this was hopefully gonna be posted well before xmas, and then immediately after xmas, and now its nye and i'm still trying to remember everything i wanted to say hopefully this will remind me to write my blogs more often lol if the time seems a bit disjointed its because of that).

Well I came up with a solution to last blogs problem. I've moved the computer to the bedroom. It's got pros and cons though. The bad news for me is I now need to turn off, or at least hibernate the computer, when I go to sleep. I can just about put up with the noise, but the computer glows blue quite brightly [1] and the extra light makes it harder for me to sleep. The good news is that previously, I'd get tired at the computer, and decide to go to bed. However the act of getting up and turning off the lights and going to the bedroom would wake me up again. Now I hit the power button, which I've reprogrammed into hibernate, I turn off two switches which turn off the 6 monitors, and the computer clicks and whirs long enough for me to get into bed and get comfy, and then the lights go out and it turns itself off. It's working reasonably well so far. I didn't think that would be an advantage but really it's surprisingly good for my sleep it seems. [2]


It also means I can now chat or cam almost whenever I like or watch cams whenever I like. And that's pretty good too I've got to say. I've been showing off a lot more now because i can. not always on here because a) NN didn't have a cams section until recently, b) non premiums can't access it on here, and c) partly on here I feel somewhat obligated to show my face and talk to people, and I'm not really wanting to show my face [3] to everyone yet. Not at the same time as my bits are in shot that's for sure. Sometimes I don't actually want to talk to people either, so if friends did come into the room then I'd want to chat with them, because they're my friends, even though actually I just felt like not talking. On some of the other sites there's just so many people with cams it's easy to feel more anonymous than here on NN. I don't think there's anyone on here who knows my whole official government name, but there's people on here who now know me, which means really I'm not anonymous on NN anymore. That's both a good and a bad thing. I like that I can blog on here for example and it's relatively still anonymous. I can bitch about work and life and it's unlikely that anyone from my day to day life will discover I've been writing about them. On the other hand, if something on here is annoying me, I feel less able to write about that now.


Anyway, moving the computer was good timing, because the house-guest chose to stay, as I wrote. So far we're still getting along fine. He is a web developer so spends lots of time in his room coding websites and trying to get invoices paid. he's not the best administration person which unfortunately meant I didn't get paid rent for ages, but now he's been paid and I've been paid so all is good again. I'm eating well. He likes a cooked meat meal for dinner each night, whilst I can't cook and for my health try to eat as much salad as I can, so we've come to an arrangement where basically I get most of the salad each night and he gets less, and then he gets most of the meat each night and I get less). This works well for me because while I like a little bit of meat, it's just better for me to eat less and anything i try to cook turns out barely edible, so having someone who can cook and make things tasty around is certainly good from my perspective.


speaking of which, I've been eating less for so long now that a few days ago I bought size 34 Levi's 501s[3], which won't mean a lot to most people, but to me it means I've gone down six Levi sizes since I noticed I had started to consider buying size 42 501s. It does not mean I have a 34 inch waist either. Mens Levi sizing doesn't match reality anymore (much to my disappointment). I still think I can afford to lose more weight. I think to fit back into the seemingly unrealistic 'healthy' weight range; I probably need to lose another 10-15kg. That would certainly reduce the chance of diabetes and the other health issues that follow along with being overweight. And it's not like I'm a huge guy at all. I have so many friends who are bigger than me. I've always found it odd that a lot of the people I'd consider naming if I had to come up with a list of hero's (perhaps people I'd look up to is a better choice of words) a lot of them are not skinny people. I have some friends back home who have always been big boys, and even with the size 40 jeans, I was smaller than they are (and am still smaller now). I work alongside someone who's just managed, after lots of exercise and eating rabbit food, to fit into size 40 jeans. So it's not like I feel huge, or am treated as huge when I'm out. what really made me notice I'd put on the weight was realising my next option was size 42 jeans, and my grandma commenting that I seemed fatter in the face than I had last time she remembered seeing me. For the last month or so though, everyone is saying that I look skinnier in the face now so when I add that to requiring smaller jeans, I'm kinda happy. I still feel more comfy in XXL t-shirts, but I did try on an XL jacket the other day and it wasn't too bad a fit. anyway, I've felt kind of happy about this news. i put a pic up of my jeans tag just to show off


trying to remember everything that's happened since the last blog is always difficult. i should learn to write this down more rapidly at the time so i don't forget.

I think I've been to Canberra twice? and Brisbane once. Brisbane had nice weather but a long trip. Canberra had short trips but always the middle seat coming back which i hate.


I've been to a work mate's wedding and wore a shirt with a collar! i even ironed it! i know! the horror lol i had to wear shoes but luckily i have pair of Jordan's with zoom air that look like/are dress leather shoes so nobody noticed. the groom was most pleased with my behaviour and could not complain. for some reason he had this strange idea that i might drink too much and act up, and had requested specifically to me that i did not do such a thing. in reality that's the furthest thing from my mind to do at someone elses wedding. i get drunk and messed up on my own time, not when someone else has an important event. but certainly as he works with me, he knows that i am capable of drinking a lot and acting up if i wanted to, so i guess he was just ensuring i didn't. anyway, i was well behaved really. i was a perfect gentleman the whole night. i did drink a bottle of frangelica (its only 20% - effectively harmless) just to ensure that my reputation in my other workmates (there was a table of us and partners) eyes wasn't sullied too much. It meant I was the only person at the wedding not drinking beer or wine, but even that had been prearranged with both the groom and the venue to ensure no body was upset by it. one of the other coworkers decided to drink at least one of everything that was on the table though, and so by the end of the night he was getting a bit messy.he didn't throw up but his wife said he was pretty seedy the next day. the groom didn't notice him, and he wasn't drunk enough to make a scene, but it was obvious he had had quite a few.


i worked at a conference for two days. i had the easiest job in the place i think. turn up at lunch time and man the admissions desk for four hours to help people who hadn't checked in yet. i think i served maybe 10 people over the two days. the organisers seemed thankful i had turned up to help but i don't really feel like i did any work. i don't think i'll describe the conference but it attracts a crowd that attracts the attention of the police and security services. they also can and do turn up as attendees (on the record and off the record) and speakers. so at the afterparty, after smoking a joint down an alleyway with an old friend who flew in from interstate for the conference, i went upstairs, got some free drinks on the tab and sat down next to a guy (in a heavy metal t-shirt of all things) who introduced himself to me as a policeman from QLD (there with his mates to officially attend the conference). interestingly in the limited discussion we had, we shared the same views. i'm glad he didn't venture into some other topics he might have chosen to discuss - i'm pretty sure we'd have disagreed on somethings. i don't really give a damn about the joint, and i haven't done anything that is arrest worthy in a long long time so i have nothing to fear from some random police office. however my inbuilt default reaction is still don't talk to police. it's hard to override that. it's probably just me but i found it funny that in a bar full of different types of attendees and people, i still managed to randomly pick the policeman to sit next to.


Xmas was good but quiet. i had orphan friends over and we ate food, drank alcohol and watched season 2 of the walking dead, and a film called "i sell the dead" (also about zombies). can you see a theme here? we've done ether zombie films or so bad they're good films for the last few years. we do an orphans Xmas every year because there's quite a few people i know from Perth who are all over this side of the country now, and our families are still the other side of the country, so we get together every year because we know that otherwise we'll be on our lonesomes, and Xmas is a time when (we feel) you shouldn't be alone. some years there's extras, some years it's just me and the same friends watching zombie films


I've recently booked my tickets back to WA for Grandma's 102nd birthday in Feb. I'll be gone about three weeks i think. trying to work out if i can still get to NN while on holiday. most of the time at Grandma's i'll be sitting around waiting for Grandma to wake up from her naps so should have plenty of time. at the moment getting wireless access is the problem. if any one wants to come see me in Narrogin let me know i'm sure i can find some time. i plan to spend a few days in Perth on either side of the birthday to catch up with some old friends (and their new kids), and hopefully will manage to catch up with some one i hope/want will become an old friend. i'm not looking forward to the heat, and the boredom that is Narrogin between visits to Grandma. and the boredom that Perth can be at times. but seeing my friends will be great. we always get together for at least one bbq and some of us have been friends since high school so its all very relaxed and good fun.



what else... I had a old filling collapse at the start of December, and now they want me to get a crown at the start of the new year. I can't afford that, but also i need to keep that tooth so not sure what will happen there.


oh the ex housemates cat came back (again) for xmas, and now hasn't left. can't remember if i wrote about the cat before or not, but he came back at xmas and has hung around since. he now has a litter tray and i'm feeding him twice a day so i guess i'm now owned by the cat. this isn't all bad. i'm now starting to realise the bad (that i have to worm him and pay for vet bills etc) but it's nice to have him back too. i've even cut him a new door in the fence so he can walk in and out from the alley way a lot easier. i'm sure i mentioned before that he can't jump properly or do most cat things properly. i've seen him now sitting with his head out the hole watching the alleyway just to see whats going on. as i type this, he's asleep on the couch.




another reason i should blog more often is that then there isn't a wall of text to read when i do update i expect i'll get some more "essay" comments lol


not sure what will happen for new years eve. it's going to be a hot one, and this morning i'm being quite tempted to stay home tonight. i'll see how i feel later today.


well i think that's everything. everything that comes to mind now anyway. i hope everyone out there in nn land has a safe and happy new years. lets hope 2012 is a better year for everyone




1 - Am i allowed to post pictures of my computer? do people want a link to a picture of my computer?

2 – It's possible the new sheets, pillows and doona are also helping. I bought a new body pillow to try and help me sleep on my side instead of my stomach, and because I sleep on my stomach, I bought a new memory foam pillow that the guy recommended. It's not like these are the most expensive pillow's either I have to say. They're definitely at the cheaper end of the scale. Still they seem to be contributing to a marked improvement in my sleeping. I still wake up multiple times a night. I still seem to sleep no more than 4 hours in a stretch. I still feel constantly like I need more sleep (until I drink my V (energy drink) and then I'm ok for a few hours. but I am feeling more rested when I do wake. I seem to fall asleep quicker. I don't recall laying there waiting to sleep as much.


3 - I'm also in the process of trying to grow my hair back from a #1 crew cut to 'longer'. I'm not sure exactly how long 'longer' is going to be yet, but probably long enough to tie back into a pony tail if I need to. I had a pony tail previously for years and years, and now I've had a crew cut (or not much longer) for nearly 8 years. I figure it's time for a change again. anyway, in between a crew cut and 'longer', my head and hair, imho, aren't as neat and tidy as I'd like, and therefore I feel there's even more reason to not want to show my face on cam if I don't need to. i'm in that 6 month boofy hair phase. it's neither short or long. it's just awkward.


4 - The only "jeans" I've worn for the last 10 years are 501s. It used to be because I could rely on their fit to be the same year after year. Now I've discovered that they've changed their sizing a bit, the next time I might look at another brand but generally I'm happy with 501s. Button fly 501s for that matter. Zips aren't acceptable. And always blue. I wear them until the holes start to appear, and then I get another pair. I've become a subscriber of rarely washing my jeans also. Unless they actually get dirty, I generally wear them a few days, then air a few days, then wear then air. If they do actually get dirty, then I wash (inside out and generally in salty water). The salt is to try and prevent the colour leaching out during the wash, and it helps prevent denim stains on my shoes (because it makes the colour stay). There's plenty of evidence out there now that there's no need to wash cotton - it just needs to be aired out. If it's dirty then sure, wash away, but I'm a computer tech who works in an office and avoids the dirt. I'm not hanging out in dirty dingy smoke filled night clubs. I don't work outdoors. I don't do much that would lead to me getting dirty. I'm really not the kind of guy that likes dirt. I don't particularly even like nature. I can render nature on my computer, and apart from the smells and sound, it's a lot cleaner when it's rendered. It's not as good for my vitamin D, but it's certainly cleaner. For a long time, I had some OCD habits regarding my cleanliness but I've managed to stop a lot of those or at least reduce their impact on my life. I no longer have two showers a day minimum. I no longer wash and condition my hair twice a day. I no longer wear things once and then wash them. I still only wear socks/underwear/t-shirts once but surely that's acceptable? I used to wash everything every single time I put it on. Even if it was for an hour or less, I'd then wash it again. This meant my clothes faded and wore out much quicker than they should, and my water bill was ridiculous. i've managed to break most of those now thank goodness.

so the houseguest/mate wants to move in for a few months and pay rent. that's gonna make it difficult to perve and chat as much as i was. but i need the rent money too. doh.

i had a mate arrived from sydney at the start of the week. he's taking advantage of the spare room to have a holiday. because of that, i haven't been online much last week and won't be online much this week (and next week i think). he's leaving late this week but then i have a computer conference to attend/work at the weekend. somehow i have to fit in a trip to QLD and a trip to ACT soon too so yeah, doubt i'll be here much. if i'm urgently required, email or im is probably best. can't see me being urgently required anyway but hey, doesn't hurt to dream lol

havent really got a lot of news anyway. recently i'm confused by some of the actions of peoples (on here and off) but meh i'm not losing sleep over it.

i've a few friends who're sick and i'd like them to get better, if anyone here has any spare magic powers they can redirect let me know.