Viewing Member - Veyron_UK

[url]http://www.worldaidsday.org/[/url]

The Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) is a virus that attacks the body's immune system. A healthy immune system provides a natural defence against disease and infection.

HIV infects special cells, called CD4 cells, that are found in the blood and are responsible for fighting infection. After becoming infected, the CD4 cells are destroyed by HIV. Although the body will attempt to produce more CD4 cells, their numbers will eventually decline and the immune system will stop working. This leaves a person who is infected with HIV with a high risk of developing a serious infection or disease, such as cancer.

HIV is a special type of virus known as a retrovirus. Retroviruses spread by breaking down the DNA in our cells and then reassembling it to make copies of themselves. Retroviruses are challenging to treat as they can rapidly mutate (alter) into new strains of virus.

Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is a term that is used to describe the latter stages of HIV, when the immune system has stopped working and the person develops a life-threatening condition, such as pneumonia (infection of the lungs).

The term "AIDS" was first used by doctors when the exact nature of the HIV virus was not fully understood. However, the term is no longer widely used because it is too general to describe the many different conditions that can affect somebody with HIV. Specialists now prefer use the terms "advanced" or "late-stage" HIV infection.

Morning all

Compared to other weeks this one is a bit random. I'm only at work for 3 days this week, which is a plus however you look at it. I am technically at work on one of those days but it's a conference/meeting type thing were everybody just sits in a big lecture theatre after grabbing as much coffee and as many biscuits as they can. Then our IT provider spouts loads of bollocks about how everything is fine and dandy (which it sooooo isn't!).

The other day off is my Driving test this Thursday. Which i will pass! God help the tester who fails me that day! But that's only for half an hour, i have the rest of the day off and i intend to go shopping afterwords. I've been promising myself i'd get a acoustic guitar for nearly a year now. I love music and i think it's about time i learn to play something!

And with regards to K. I've decided to wait. There's nothing i can do at the minute, mainly cause she's heavily entangled with chris. I have to at least wait until their no longer an item before i think of doing anything...if that day actually comes around in the future. For the time being i'm just another friend regardless of how i feel.

Mark

P.S.
(Thanks to everybody for all the advice i've received regarding K over the past few days!)

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qleENy0shck[/url]

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see...

Hi all

Another blow on the K front. I did ask her if she fancied meeting up for a coffee, chat and maybe some shopping this Saturday. Got a message back saying that she is now trying to keep the weekends free for her and chris as they don't see a lot of each other at the week.

So on that note it looks likes the shopping trips me and K use to have nearly every other Saturday are dead and buried. It also means that i'm hardly ever going to see K as i'm only really free during the weekends due to work. I'm pretty much in the same boat as chris but she'd rather be with him. And as they are in a relationship i can say i don't blame her for picking him over me. But it doesn't mean i have to like it.

I'm kinda thinking what to do about the whole situation. There are only two options i can think off. And that's turn around and run a mile away or stick it out.

I feel like running. Running for miles and miles until my legs give out and my lungs burn. But i know that no matter how much i want to do that i'll end up sticking it out and seeing how it goes. There's always a tiny part of me that doesn't seem to give up, that always seem to be optimistic.

In the past it's only been a minuscule part of me. My doubt and negativity has always been the larger and dominant part of me and my thoughts. Nothing is different this time around. The situation is still the same from the ones before. I KNOW that i'll end up with nothing but a broken and bleeding heart. And nearly all the time i'm right but what else can i do apart from stick it out? The only other option is to be 100% open with K about how i feel, but again i know that won't help. In fact it'll make things worse and push her further away from me.

Now i'm thinking about what to do and say when she invites me out during the week like she did this week. Do i do what i've done before and go completely out of my way to be with her. Or do i just blow her off and say the only time i'm really free is during the weekend?

I wish i didn't feel this way about K. I wish there was a little switch that i could flick to "off" and be over with it. And some days i wish i never got back in touch with her. But i can't help it, i really can't. And, through no fault of her own, every little thing like this makes me hurt...alot.

All i can do for now is stick it out and see how things go.

Hopefully i won't be hurt as much as i have before but even with my new "positive frame of mind" thing going on, i can't really see that happening.

Fuck.....

Mark

Hi

First off a bit of catch up.

After failing my first driving test I decided to take a second...which I failed again! I've got another one next Thursday which I WILL pass.

I've become sick of my negative shit, so I’m going to be as positive as possible. I've relished how people have been seeing me and my negative ways and how it's been affecting me as well. Also I’ve got a few things lined up in the near future that I need to go well in order for me to change everything.

I've applied for a new job which if I get will not only double my wages but also "might" allow me to at least rent, if not buy, a place closer to the centre of town. There were some "starter" homes built near where my potential future job is and I think one or two of them are still available. If I could get one of them it'll make everything so much easier.

So those two objectives coupled with me being able to drive will be a massive and bloody positive boost and change for me.

I know I’m placing a lot of "ifs" and "maybes" into the equation and there is as much chance I won't get any of that done but I’ve got to be positive and look on the up side. Even if I don't get the job I’m sure I’ll find something else. It won't be the end of the world, just a slight delay to my master plan!!!


Right now the catch up is done back to the same old nagging problem. And if you haven't guessed already.....it's K!

I have sorta let go of the idea of not being anything more than a friend with her but on Tuesday night I went bowling with her, her boyfriend Chris and one of their mates who I’ve meet plenty of times before and is a really nice and funny bloke.

Now I haven't exactly got the highest impression of Chris, honestly I think he's an utter knob, and Tuesday night reinforced my opinion.

It surprisingly started off alright and we did have a few chats with each other which is more than what we've done before but as the night went on he started to get worse. The thing that has got me the last times I’ve meet him and also what slightly got on my tits on Tuesday was that he just comes out with unfunny, unwitty and mostly unfriendly digs at me. We'll be chatting as normal then he'll throw in an insult aimed at me normally in front of K. Like I said most are unfunny and not very clever and last Tuesday were followed by a few seconds of silence. I just laughed them off or ran with the insult but my tolerance got less and less as the night went on. Quite frankly I was hoping he'd kick off so I smack him one then throw him down the bowling lane!

Looking back at it all I can see in him is a little nasty man, who's not only insecure in himself but also in the relationship he's got with K. I don't think he likes me a lot and I don't think he likes the way I get on with K. K's told me about how he asks her if she loves him because she isn't saying "I love you" every 5 minutes. And she said it's like he constantly needs affection. He possessive and often jealous. The other person we went out with on Tuesday is an ex of K's. They use to go out about 8 years ago but K has told me Chris is still jealous of him!

I can't see anything positive in Chris. He isn't smart, he isn't good looking, and I don't think he takes good care of K or loves her in any decent way. He can't make decisions for himself, easily lead and from my experience with him he's a total twat.

So the big question I’m asking myself is....why is K with him? What does she see in him? (If any women can help me out with this then please let me know!)

After the last big fiasco between them two, which nearly lead to Chris sleeping with somebody else, she was utterly devastated with what was going on while he didn't seem to give a flying fuck. I honestly thought that she was going to end it with him but after one conversation we had where she said "I know how I should be feeling and I know what I should be doing but I love him and we've been together for 3 years" I knew it wasn't going to happen.

While they've had little bust ups in the past she always throws up the "I love him" and "we have been together for 3 years" (which by the way is her longest relationship to date) whenever I talk to her about what's going on and what she's thinking. I’m sick of hearing it and you need more than those two things to continue a relationship when the shits hit the fan. I loved my last girlfriend to bits and we were going out for two years (which is my longest relationship to date) but I had to end it when she slept with some other guy.


But anyway putting that to one side, about me and K. I guess the simple way to put it is I love her. I love talking to her even it's on MSN, via e-mail or text. I love seeing her and being with her. I really go out of my way to be with her, even if it's just for a coffee and chat in town. I've tried to let go and I still am but I can't. It's too hard. I know I might be missing the perfect girlfriend while I’m focused on K and I know I’m wasting my time but I can’t help how I feel.


Now I know that a few of you may be thinking that what I’ve said about Chris is because I’m jealous of him, as he's with K. I won't lie; I would kill to be in his shoes. I would die to go out with K but I don't hate him for that. Trust me the guy is a complete wanker of the highest calibre, but if he was a nice, decent guy who took proper care of K I would be happy for K and it would be a hell of a lot easier to accept their relationship and move on. I’d still have the same feelings for her but knowing that’s she is really happy and with a real nice guy would make it easier for me to look elsewhere. It’s kinda hard to explain but I hope you understand where I’m coming from. But the fact is she could do a lot better than Chris, and she deserves better than Chris. I'm not saying I would be better but I honestly can't see what she seems in him.

So I’m now wondering what to do. There are two options. I either bugger off and leave her to it, which I’ve tried really hard to do but always end up where I started. Or I can bite the bullet and tell her how I feel. The latter is a complete and utter minefield of shit if it goes wrong. And even in my new state of mind (positive all the way remember!) I can’t see it being anything else but a car crash. I could be wrong but I know that while she’s in a relationship she won’t stray. If she was single I might put my chances up a bit but until then I don’t even want to risk it.

I’ve done the whole tell a friend how you really feel before and while it wasn’t in the best of circumstances when I told her the friendship took a crippling blow. While we are still friends now she didn’t talk to me for a year and the friendship we once had isn’t there anymore. I don’t want to lose that with K but I’m tearing my heart to pieces thinking about her.

So that’s the ballad of me to this point! Might be going shopping with K this weekend or the following Thursday after I’ve passed my driving test.

I’ll just have to play the waiting game and see how it all pans out.

Mark

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLqN9j-jwFs[/url]

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK9tTkVibjg[/url]

Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living

Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains
Running away and hiding with you
I never thought they'd get me here
Not knowing you'd change from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead?
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
And would anything matter if you're already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
And our memories defeat us,
And I'll end this direst.

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?

Hi all

Well i failed!

But i've already booked my second attempt in three weeks time. I wasn't surprised i failed but it still wan't a pleasant experience been told it! And to be honest i deserved it. I'm not being negative but i did one thing and after that i knew i'd made a mistake and had failed, which was later confirmed by the instructor (although i still drove properly just in case). There was one other thing i didn't agree with but seeing as i'd failed for something i could really argue against i decided to keep my mouth shut. After all there was no point in arguing and i would have looked like a knob! But it was annoying to get so close and still fail, Oh well!

I'm still feeling pretty upbeat. I did go into town afterwards and had a coffee and a bit of stroll around town with K. We both planned a little shopping spree a few days beforehand but something came up at her end and we had to cut it short. I did do a little shopping myself but nothing major, i'm saving that until the weekend, hopefully with K as i'm shite at shopping by myself! And besides with her being a model she's got a lot more fashion sense than me!

So i've got 3 weeks and a few more lessons to get the odd one or two things ironed out. Just a shame i didn't do this about 8 years ago as i'm told it would have been a lot easier!

Mark

Hi all

Not going to write much apart from i've got my driving test today!

I feel alright and pretty confident of passing, which is odd as i'm normally pessimistic about everything i do. I just hope i feel that way when i actually get in the car!

Mark

Here is a little video i made last week while i was having my "deep think". Nothing special, just a song i really like along with a few pictures which i think are just as impressive.

Hope you like:

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je3KyWWW8pA[/url]

Mark