Viewing Member - Veyron_UK

A great song and some fantastic dancing!

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqumjziPTzk[/url]


I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight

Hey lil mama, ooh you're a stunner
Hot little figure, yes you a winner, and
I'm so glad to be yours
You're a class of your own and
Ooh little cutie, when you talk to me
I swear the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart and
I'm so glad that you're mine
You are one of a kind, and
You mean to me what I mean to you
And together baby there is nothing we won't do

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart
And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... girl
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Oh girl

I don't want nobody else
Without you there's no one left, and
You're like Jordans on Saturday
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now
Hey lil shorty, say you care for me
You know I care for you
You know that I'll be true
You know that I won't lie
You know that I will try Be your everything

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

Oh, I'm into you and
Girl, no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Yeah

And I will never try
To deny that you are my whole life
'Cause if you ever let me go
I would die so I won't run
I don't need another woman
I just need you all or nothing
'Cause if I got that
Then I'll be straight
Baby you're the best part of my day

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
They need their boo
They gotta see their boo
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
Hearts all over the world tonight

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl, no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh (girl)
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
Baby yeah

Hi all

Well I’ve been doing a hell of a lot of thinking recently. I've had plenty to think about and for once it isn't all doom and gloom...but it isn't anything cheery either. As I said there’s a lot of thinking so I’m going to try and split it into nice digestible sections!
Otherwise they’d be a mammoth amount of text and I know most people would look at it and go "fuck am I reading all that shit!" I doubt many people read my blog as it is!


The Deep Think...

What first started off this “deep think” was Saturday night. I meet up with one of my mates (who I’ll refer to as P from now on) who I’ve known for about 9 years and one I consider to be my best mate. The past couple of nights out I’ve always asked and gone out with K but the last two times she’s turned me down. She did give me good reasons but the fact I’m always asking her for a night out has made me less hasty in asking her out.

So I meet up with P and his girlfriend. We later meet up with more of P’s mates as the night went on. It was a couple of hours into the night and me and P were left by ourselves while his mates went to the bar. Oddly enough he bought up K. Mainly asking how she was and what’s going on with her colossal dickhead of a boyfriend. I told him without going into it too much as I knew he didn’t have a high opinion of her. When my mates first met K when she was with her boyfriend neither K nor her boyfriend made a good impression on either P or his girlfriend. The second time they meet they made an even worse impression and P pretty much told me that he wasn’t impressed with either K or her boyfriend and neither was his girlfriend.

He also admitted that I knew K better than him and I did say that when she was with her boyfriend she did change, which I didn’t like, although I haven’t told her that. K is a nice person but she is shy around and quiet around new people plus her boyfriend seems to bring out the worst in her.

P knows how I feel about K and he (plus his girlfriend) have made light-hearted and jokey comments about how much time we spend together. It was then that P said something that kinda knocked me a bit sideways.

P said that he thought I was too good for K and could do 20 times better than her. To be honest I didn’t know how to reply other than “you think?” He continued to say that he thought she didn’t treat me that well. Also when me and K had a big fall out a while ago (surprisingly when she was with her boyfriend!!!) Over a really tiny thing she posted some “not very nice” comments on my face book wall. He mentioned that he was far from impressed with what she had said and wasn’t happy at all.

If this was coming from one of my other mates I don’t think I would have been as affected as much as I am now but P is a really nice bloke and a really great mate. We’ve also known each other for a long time and get on better than I do with anybody else.

So it kinda got me thinking.....am I really wasting my time with K? What does she think of me? And how does she really treat me? Neither myself nor my mate can give an unbiased answer to the latter question as we both have different views on K. But my head has been turning because of what he said.

I haven’t spoken too or met up with K since then but I was thinking about doing so on either Saturday or Tuesday.

It also lead me onto thinking about something else involving K but I’ll leave that for the next blog as I've written quite a bit already!

Mark

Well I’m bloody annoyed with myself.

Why?

I want something but I know that I’ll never be able to have it, but I still want it. I've tried to convince myself that I’ll never have it and I thought I had succeeded but still I desire it more than anything else at the moment.

And I’m starting to think that the fact I know I’ll never be able to have it is affecting me. I was pretty ok (by my standards) on Friday but about midday I started thinking about it and I was pretty down by the time I made my way home from work.

And today I had the worst driving lessons since I first started learning and I’ve got the practical test a week on Tuesday. So I’m pretty annoyed with myself about that as well.

I know I’ll never, ever, ever have want I want but I still can't stop wanting it...

Mark

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQVeaIHWWck[/url]

I've always loved this song. I have no idea why, but it's always grabbed my attention.

I always thought this song was written by Beethoven when he was in a sad or depressing mood. Maybe things weren't going so well in his life and he was expressing himself via his music, like a lot of musicians do.

However today I leant that Beethoven wrote this song when he was (supposedly) madly in love with somebody who didn't feel the same for him.

I can very easily relate to that situation...I think we all can but I’ve been in that frame of mind more than once over the past few years. And I hate to admit it but I’m experiencing that same situation at this moment and have been for a while.

I hate feeling like this. I have no control over how I feel. My emotions are completely placed in the words and actions of the person who I am in love with and the worse thing is they don't even know it. My mood can be swayed from one extreme to the other by something so little that they have said or done. Yet there are so many reasons to keep how I feel a secret. To keep it locked away.

I feel so fragile when I’m like this and I never like feeling fragile, especially when it relates to something I can't control and/or have no say in. And when it involves my heart because I know I’m going to get hurt and I’m going to feel really low, really alone and really unloved. I’ve been in that horrible place so many times and it never gets any easier.

Love hasn't been nice to me over the past 10 years. I always come out worse, sometimes through my own actions and sometimes not. Sometimes I wish I never felt love but I always, for some bizarre and unknown reason, hold on and (I could easily say foolishly) still hope and believe that one day I won't get hurt and I won't be alone. That one day for one moment at least I will be loved.

But after 10 years of heart ache it's getting harder and harder to hang on to that hope.

Hopefully that day will come soon or I find a way to completely let go of that hope...

perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim...

Well my plan to wait and see if anybody calls me (for a change) instead of me badgering them has kinda backfired.

I'm alone, by myself in my room drinking Guinness bored out of my skull, really fed-up and miserable...

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjLLGNI-MiA[/url]

I'm not in your house,
But not in your head,
You're not even listening.
It's so hard to know,
When you're not scared.

Please don't help me,
Please don't hate me.

Stop putting me down,
Coz I won't ever understand.
I see it in your eyes,
I see it in your mind.

I'm trying not to speak,
Coz you can't hear my voice,
Nothing seems familiar here.
On the other side,
Of this town.

Please don't help me,
Please don't help me.

Stop putting me down,
Coz I won't ever understand.
I see it in your eyes,
I see it in your mind.

Hold On...
Hold On...

If I see this all again,
I'll try to take my time,
I wonder how fast you could try.

All this time I thought you knew
All this time I thought you knew.....

Hi all

Well the previous weekend’s happiness and joy was short lived when I returned to work on Monday. Without going into too much detail I was given a job to do by my line manager which he was supposed to do but couldn't because of a meeting. A 10 minute quick and clean job turned into a two and half hour ball ache. I was far from impressed with my line manager but despite me fully showing my pissed off state he didn't seem to take the whole thing seriously. That's until I told him that if he asked me to do something like that again he can fucking bollocks. He then kinda kept out of my way for a while. After that everything at work pretty much went downhill. It's the same old story of working my ass off and getting no recognition for it. Not even a "thank you" half the time.

I was seriously annoyed and pissed off for the rest of the day and every morning since then I’ve woken up miserable and totally fed-up. Every day has been like a long drawn out boring task that I couldn't get over and done with quick enough. But I just can’t bring myself to go to bed as i know what awaits me when i get up the next morning.

It seems that I’m purely alive to work. I get up go to work get back home, do a bit of weights/cycling/running have about two hours to myself then I go to bed. It's pretty much like that every single day. And to be honest I’m getting fucking sick and depressed about it. I'm 26 and have little to no social life.

It's not that I don't have friends but being stuck out in the middle of no-where makes it hard to go anywhere for a few drinks. And my mates are scattered all over the place so tying to pull even one of them out, even at the weekend, is a mission in itself.

And another thing I’m pissed off about is effort.

I'm always making an effort in everything I do, especially with my mates and standing back and looking at it all, I’m getting fuck all in return apart from being used and then ignored when I’m not needed. I know this sounds really selfish but because I’m the one always asking mates if they are out at the weekend or if they fancy meeting up in town for a coffee or something I feel like I’m not thought of at all.

This week is a perfect example and it basically boils down to K. We've talked once since last Saturday. As always we talked about what she's going through and I’d tried to be helpful. Anyway after a chat she thanked me for listening and she was going to meet/talk with her boyfriend and that she'd let me know what he said...

...that was Tuesday and I’ve heard fuck all since.

I was going to ask her if she is out on Saturday or if she wants to go for a few drinks but at the moment, I’m wondering why I should be the one always texting her and asking her?

I've said time and time again that if she wants to talk to me, meet up for a coffee, go out for a drink, then all she needs to do is ask me but she never does. I'm trying to strike a balance between being there for her but not constantly being on her back.

I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far but I’m thinking, that she, at the bare minimum, could at least text, e-mail or call me out the blue asking if I want to meet up for a drink? Or if I fancy going out and doing something at the weekend? Or if I’m ok?

I don’t know. Maybe me being in a really foul and pissed off fed-up mood isn’t helping.

I more than likely being a complete and utter arsehole and I’m going to look back at this blog when I’m in a better mood an delete it but I’ll have to wait and see...

Hi All

Well I’m in pretty high spirits for a change! Took yesterday off work as I wanted to see The Dark Knight before they pulled it from the cinemas. I was hoping to get K along to see it with me but she said she doubt she'd enjoy the film with all that is going on in her life at the moment.

But we did meet up for a coffee before hand and chat...which lasted for about 3 hours! She did hug me and leave about an hour and half before the film started as she needed to pick out a new bed which gave me some time to kill (which was achieved by getting a beef pasty and a pint of Guinness!).

After the film (The Joker's "Disappearing Pencil" trick is fantastic!) once again I had some time to kill before the train home but I didn't feel like going home. I texted K and asked if she wanted to trek back into town for a few drinks, nothing heavy and nothing late as I had a driving lesson Saturday morning. I was expecting her to say no or not get back until I had got home. She replied pretty much as soon as I sent the message saying she could meet me in half an hour as she needed to “freshen up”.

Anyway we meet up, went back to the pub I had my pint before and after the film, got a drink and started chatting. We chatted for about 4 hours. We had, what she described later on in an e-mail to me, as a "deep conversation".

Anyway we eventually decided to leave when we both didn't want to drink anymore and started on the cokes.

I walked her to a taxi and before she left we hugged as we normally do at the end of night out but this one felt a lot tighter than the one she had given me earlier on that day and she thanked me for the night out and chatting to her while we hugged. I said I enjoyed tonight and any time she needed a chat then let me know. I don't know if it was the alcohol (on both our parts) and I know this might sound daft but it felt more "personal" than previous hugs.

Anyway I got home and went straight to bed. When I checked my e-mail this morning I had an e-mail from her saying:
"Thanks for tonight I really enjoyed myself. Deep convversations and all that!!! Cheers youre the best!"

It put a smile on my face and made me feel a hell of a lot better. I was still pretty happy from last night as it's been a long time since I’ve both, had a good night out and had a pretty good chat. I mailed her back and pretty much echoed what she said and thanked her for the night out as well.

Only problem is while I’m still high I don't quite know what to do with myself!!! I really want to see her again today, I did mention last night I might be out again if she wanted to do the same, but I also know I need to back off and calm down. I'm a friend first and foremost and that's what K needs most. And sadly I think she does only see me as a friend. It did crop up in conversation when she was talking about another guy that she told him she didn't want "rebound sex" and getting into another relationship is the last thing on her mind! Which I found pretty funny!

Anyway I’ve planned out the next two hours or so but after that I’m still deciding what to do. I think it would be best if I didn't see K again today but I’ll wait and see how things pan out...

Mark

Hi

I'm lucky in that I live quite close to where I work. In fact it's just over a mile and a half away which is about a 20-25 minute walk.

During the walk to and from work I get a lot of time to think to myself. Normally I think about what is currently going on or what has previously happened the day before. I think about problems and possible solutions.
I sometimes think about the last few songs I listened to before I left the house, playing them over and over in my head.

But sometimes I think about past and possible future events in my life. Sometimes big, sometimes very small.

When I was walking home today I had a memory of what happened to me when I was at secondary school (I think I was 14). It wasn't anything major but during break-times and lunch, when it was sunny, we use to go outside onto the fields and play football. You know, using your bags/coast/jumpers for goalposts.

After one break we all went to class (which I can remember was history) and as the lesson started one of my "friends" sitting behind me told me that he think he saw somebody put something into my bag when we were playing football and that if I handed him my bag he'd find it for me.
Now I use the word "friend" very loosely cause I was bullied quite a lot at secondary school and while he wasn't a friend as such (he was a bit of a dick) he was pretty much in the same boat as me so he was somebody I put up with so that I had at least one more person to talk to!

Well me being completely distrusting I told him no and got on with the lesson.

After the lesson during lunch I quickly looked through my bag but didn't find anything so I thought he was trying to play a trick on me. But at the end of the week when I was cleaning out my bag I came across a piece of paper that had come from one of those small notepads.

On it was a very neatly written letter which covered a whole side. I can't remember exactly what was on it but I do remember it was a letter basically saying hi, I’ve seen you around and like you. It was a great feeling, not only knowing that somebody liked me but she had taken the time and effort to write me a pretty long letter telling me how she felt about me. But there was a single line on the letter I do remember as clear as day. A line that once I read and realised what it meant, made my heart sink

"If you feel the same way about me then meet me by the ice cream van at lunch time tomorrow"

It took a few seconds for me to fully absorb that line but this was given to me at the start of the week and it was now the weekend.

I know that the following week I spent every lunch time standing by the ice cream van waiting for her but sadly she never turned up. I never found out who it was. I had no idea what-so-ever and to this day I still don't have a clue.

The thing is that it was shortly after that little event that I meet my last girlfriend, the one that cheated on me. I was thinking what would have happened if I did meet up with her. Would we have got on together and made something of it? Would I have been spared the heartache? How much different would I be today, right now? Would I be a more confident and happy me?

So while I thought at first it wasn’t a “major” memory I guess in some ways it was. How different would I be and everything else around me be if we did meet up and ended up going out with each other?

But I don’t know the answer to any of those questions and I guess nobody does or ever will. But it’s one of those things that did make me think and has still got me thinking about it right now.

Although I’m not entirely sure what to make of it all but I really wish I knew who spent me that note...

Mark