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I am a walking contradiction skirting jurisdictions while self-implementing restrictions. I am a melancholy free spirit afraid sometimes to sing my own lyrics. I am child with old eyes and past lives striving to do more than survive. I am a silly, nostalgic, horny, romantic with naive antics. I am not afraid to break the rules of being cool or getting schooled. I am the color of earth, often misunderstood since birth. A chain smoker and late night toker, an ego stroker, sensitive joker and occasional chicken choker. I am as deep as you will allow yourself to wade in. I am my mother's creation, my father determination, the wages of so called sin and the scars left after being stabbed in the back or forgotten by a friend. I am the shy shiver of of an endless giver whose cheeks are moist and quiver from tears shed alone. I am heavy in heart and weight but free of prejudice and hate. I am a meandering soul searching to become whole while traveling in a caterpillar-like form. Not seeking shelter with the norm but weathering the storms that will come and pass with the perfectly imperfect fumbling we call existence. shaking off the shackles of pretense while understanding experience is neither good nor bad, more or less until the next time you can put it to its test. And if it is in the case to give someone an open hand I willing give it until my time's last grain of sand rests upon the cosmic strand. Our reality is within our hands
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Saturday, September 22, 2007, 8:14:04 AM- Lay Down | ||||||
The weight your shoulders see, All the restraints release, Them troubles don’t have to be, Why question an offered peace, All the armor and knives, You don’t need a gun, Let’s be free of time in our lives, Lay down, and have some fun, With a touch like summer rain, Soothing away fear and pain, Let my hands caress like waves kissed by tropical winds, The touch of a familiar friend, Let my kisses shower you, Until you don’t know what to do, There’s no one else around, Lay down, lay down, I want to rock your bed, So hard it creaks, And you wonder, What kind of freak, Have you gotten into, The things I want to do, Head to toe, all night, Passionately lovin’ you, Hot and heavy, Beneath the sheets, All tossed and mussed, No longer neat, For the moment, Organization is gone, Hitting the spot, Is what you focus on, Lay down, lay down, Let your secrets be found, I’ll keep them, won’t make a sound, Let my love lay down. | ||||||
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Saturday, September 22, 2007, 2:22:47 AM- Postcard | ||||||
Here I am, feeling small and a little alone, But every child must strike out on their own, Leave the safety or insanity of home, This place seems so big, like it'll swallow me whole, I don't like not feeling completely in control. My only possessions are my dreams and soul, I can still remember mom's face and voice, And her real feeling at this big choice, Her baby was leaving her, with eyes red and moist, Oh mama, can't you see, i've got to find my destiny, Know if it was meant to be, Until I do, I'll never be happy, I need to depend on me, -- A breath is a postcard's beginning, My life so far has been inside a shell, I silenced the things I had to tell, I'm tired of serving a sentence in my own hell, I was afraid to strike out, Didn't know what love was all about, I always whispered, scared to sing or shout, Now here I am, a thousand miles away, From the life I knew yesterday, Scared and a little confused, but really happy Each choice is a postcard in eternity, As I write this song on a post card, Honestly it has at times been hard, Being an unexpected bard, Something I never could come to terms with, Believe that I truly have a gift, And even through space, there isn't a rift, Between you and me; mother and child, Through calm days and nights unruly and wild, When the world sees me, they'll see your smile. Today is a postcard of me, One breath began this journey, Written in blood and tears, A sown soul growin over years, Seed of star and moon, cosmic shard, Pick it up, read, listen to my postcard, | ||||||
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Saturday, September 22, 2007, 12:51:22 AM- Last Awhile | ||||||
Each morning I wake, I wish I could remember, TO thank God for this day, because life is an ember, That has a tenuous existence, fragile at best, It needs to be nurtured, loved, respected, or it’s flame will rest, Sometimes I get bogged down by the trivial things, And forget the blessings of being among the living, I’ve made the mistake of dwelling on the have not, And not appreciating the gifts I got, The world is so different, so much doesn’t make sense, Many of the things I hold as truths & concrete seem at times past tense, My journey has been a long and rugged path, Knowledge and solemn acceptance from jagged reality the aftermath, There are people I call friends but what do they think of me, What will they say or do when this soul leaves it’s body, Will I be tears or smiles a funny heart felt story, Or memories from their mouths like the leaves from autumn trees, I don’t know, when but soon I’ll be gone, And I wonder will my love linger on, If it does, it won’t be a as a building, or most likely a child, It’s cool if I’m a rum smoothed story with laughter, raucous and wild, It might be a movie which gave me a favorite nick-name, Or a song I wrote and sang for someone special before any public acclaim, Like sunshine through clouds, making you feel warm and smile, I hope to be a beautiful friendly positive memory that will last a while. | ||||||
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Friday, September 21, 2007, 7:28:12 AM- A Little More | ||||||
Dancing so close with you, Under a moonlit Summer roof, The caress of your soft warm breath, On my neck and the effect your words left, Made me feel like the apple of your eye, The ceiling of my dreams higher than the sky, So now why’s it hard for you to see, What you’re currently doing to me, Is the wrong course to choose, My feelings are a little more than bruised, Because you acted so damn aloof, Now let me go and set the record straight, Before we get any further if you please, Yes my nose was opened first its true, My vibe left no question I was really diggin’ you, You played it cool but so friendly and care free, How many times were we flirting so easily, I never made the push cause you had someone, I still hung back even when you said ya’ll was done, But I went full speed ahead when you spread those knees, Now I’m wondering if it was little more than some bait, I’m not asking for a ring or all your time, Just some common respect be an adult, There’s nothing to say we can’t be cool doing our own things, I’m not asking for the drama relationships can often bring, I don’t need a vow or your daily itinerary, NO special treatment is necessary, We can have fun together or apart, All I ask is for you to not play with mind and heart, Treating me so non-descript is truthfully an insult, All I’m asking for is a little more face is that a crime, You can have your own time please keep your name, Don’t need your car money or even your friends, You see I can take or leave it, that’s not gold between your legs, Yes you are fine but not enough for me to beg, Yes I know your hips can start my whole body quivering, But I give right back; my lips alone are guaranteed bliss delivery, I’m not trying to be bossy or to make a scene, I just want to nip this in the bud nice and clean, The choice is yours to continue well or make a quick end, A little more foolishness and I’m out you alone would hold the blame. | ||||||
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Friday, September 21, 2007, 5:08:46 AM- The survey muahahahahahh | ||||||
The survey trickles down, I saw tight wet lips (holler girl) and Slut Monkey ( hh I'd swing from his branch) had done it so I had to try it. 1. How many people have you had sex with in 2007? 0 2. Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium, hash....out of these 12 drugs how many have you done? 2 1/2 someone slipped some coke or something in my weed a while ago so no more smokie smokie 3. Ever cheated on a GF/BF? never had one 4. Ever paid for sex? possibly 5. Ever been married? nope 6. Ever been divorced? nein 7. If you had to pick one what's your fave sexual position? reverse zebra in a wheel barrel with an upward unicorn twist thrust 8. I'm making up question 8; Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a co-worker? Yes 9. Ever done more than 30 days in jail? nope 10. Ever been to rehab? no 11. Ever do anything gay sexually? I think sex was happy when I had it 12. Ever have sex with anyone that you met on myspace? no 14. Do you think Arnold could beat up Chuck Norris? Nope, Arnold has a heart condition and one Chuckie karate chop would end it all 15. What celebrity would you want to have sex with if you had the chance? Jake Gyllenhaal, Collin Farrell, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaghey, Ryan Reynolds, no I haven't thought much about it 16. Ever been unemployed for over a year since becoming an adult? no 17. How many counties have you lived in? 2 18. How many countries have you lived in? 1 19. Do you keep a weapon under or next to your bed at night? Only my ass 20. What celebrity would you want to beat up if you had the chance? Fucking OJ! LAy low mutha fucker 21. Ever rolled into the harsh ghetto to buy drugs? semi harsh ghetto yes 22. Ever wanted to be a backstreet boy? NO 23. Have you ever played soggy biscuit? NO but I'd love to see it in action 24. Ever hired a PI to follow someone? nope 25. Ever bang your friends man/woman? nope 26. What is your IQ? in the three digit range 27. Do you think Mr. Rogers really was a pervert or do you think whos mr rodgers? Yeah he was an undercover freak 28. O.J. Simpson......did he do it? My blackness will not allow me to answer that question, but the other portions of my ancestry are nodding "yes" 29. Fake tits or real tits? real 30. Ever watch someone die? physically no or spiritually yes 31. Name your favourite beer. Blue Moon Yuengling 32. Are you single? yes until you holler at a fine sexy b like me =) 33. Do you own any sex toys? Somewhere, I need some new ones 34. Have you ever had sex in public? yes 35. Are you a virgin? born again virgin yes 36. Have you ever filmed yourself or someone else having sex? NO 37. Have you ever taken naughty pictures? What's naughty? I am paradigm of art 38. Do you watch porno? NO just watch movies with a money shot 39. Do you like porno? I want the real thing | ||||||
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Friday, September 21, 2007, 1:33:01 AM- Strained | ||||||
We seem to be opposites, Defined by prerequisites, I’ve played the straight laced role, And you’ve always been beyond control, I was the polite and quiet type, You were the wild and reckless child, Somehow through circumstance, And what others might call chance, Begat something of substance, We met and quickly became friends, So different there was never a need to pretend, Until things got hot and steamy one September night, Beneath Templin’s burnt out porch light, Serenaded and cajoled by Nina Simone, Just our lips and hands in the dark alone, Feeling the ripples and warmth of your skin, Feeling you smile as I moaned deep within, My lips tasting your body’s tears mixed with whiskey, While your hips told me loud clear you were frisky, Our heads lay together listening to one another’s thoughts, And for just one gasp of time we had found what as long sought, You spoke to me in tones lower than the human ear can hear, I wasn’t bashful, my message was loud and clear, Only an Autumn breeze laid upon your back, And a speechless wall against mine kept track, All of my handcuffed fantasies were broken free, And you were allowed to enjoy me guiltlessly, Soft velvet dreams impaled deliciously by moving earth, Exotically intoxicatingly erupting for all you’re worth, And myself; dreams, desires so intense they crossed dimensions, We were expressing our deep needs without apprehension, You touched me in places of depth unexplored without reprieve, And I did things for you I think you still don’t believe, But everything has a beginning and an end, We woke up to brief eye contact and nervous grins, Now things for some reason are awkward and strained, How can something so spontaneously beautiful cause pain? | ||||||
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 3:57:05 AM- A somewhat darker fantasy piece.. entitled All I Can Do | ||||||
Was I in the wrong place, Wrong time to show my face, Something called to me, Said this is where I ought to be, Amidst the smoke and shrouds, Primal music thumping loud, Figures of shadows and hungry eyes, Looking for an unsuspecting prize, Bumping into you was a shock, You scratched me with steel eyes taking stock, Probably wondering why I was here, Sticking out quite oddly it was clear, Your face an immobile mask of Faust, Coherent thoughts were at a lost, All I could see were your gleaming eyes, Windows to something within human guise, You cocked your head slightly right, As if pondering what you would make my plight, With a nod and almost imperceptible grin, You nodded for me to follow you further in, Into the shadows beyond human perception, What would occur I had no conception, Pushed against a wall, eyes open wide, I didn't scream, not because of pride, Pierced to the core, by your blue-hot gaze, Head reeling, mind in an erotic haze, Just one thought kept entering my mind, As lack of oxygen made me go blind, All I can do, is just tell you, I am at your mercy, I am at your whim, DO what you well, benevolent or grim, All I can do, is tear away at my skin, Show you nothing but desire lurks within, While my throat is in the grasp of your hand, My body, my life is at your command, All I can do is carve bloody trails, Down my chest with my nails, Release this fire from a flesh jail, My desire to live does not prevail, All I can do, as you lean closer in, Is hear my beating heart’s, rapid din, Pain is forgotten as you part your lips, Taste my blood with loving sips, All I can do, is succumb to you, Drain me, arraign me, you have no clue, For how long I've waited for this do you, Empty out this vessel until you are through, Darkness is complete, old life in defeat, I awake to feel reborn complete, Sitting beside you my sinister treat, Wondering if it's possible for a repeat, All I can do, All I can do, Is want more of you. | ||||||
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Monday, September 17, 2007, 10:09:06 PM- Verified | ||||||
Some times you must travel far away, From the foundations of your yesterdays, Journey through unfamiliar lands, Put your faith in the maker's hand, Stop looking for the vindication, In someone else's indication, We were all given no guarantees, We are the captain of the vessels set to sea, Chose your way, chart your own course, You don’t know ‘til you try, don’t live in remorse, I have spiritually walked so far, Escaped many of my own constructed bars, Don't feel the need to hide any earned scars, My testimonies, some of them are, Just pieces in a tapestry spoken in another style, When I read the story so far I can smile, I can stand tall, open doors even go outside, With a modest confidence hold my head high, All around even inside me beauty I have found, Yes joy amidst the beautiful struggle abounds, For so long I tried, To hide or lie, Just to try and get by, Despite years gone by, Through tears I've cried, I just am don't need to try, Found my soul's stride, The ways of love I abide, I am purified, I am whole inside, Feel revitalized, Oh the heavenly joy inside, I am I am I am verified, | ||||||
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Monday, September 17, 2007, 9:54:58 PM- | ||||||
Slut's get a bad name at times, so do wenches. I thank the stars that birthed me and watch over me now for these 'sluts and 'wenches' are in my life. Thank you | ||||||
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Monday, September 17, 2007, 7:21:20 AM- desperation | ||||||
Desperation I'm feeling desperation, There's an abnormal separation, Some speak of it as going into the light, But for me it adventuring into an icy alien night, There haven't been too many things I've ever thought of claiming to belong to me. Not these breaths or few cents in my hand do I say I own, My only belongings wonder, words, pain, hope alone, What about love someone might say, I've never kept it, always given it freely away, Once there was a hunger, a passion, Now it seems like someone younger's passing fashion, Within me a growing sentiment I am but a distraction, I was once a prisms effortlessly channeling the universe's light with verbal refraction, Now the hearth seems so dim, My moods go from anxious to apathetic to grim, Maybe its all a test in the end, I must find inspiration from a new place: uncharted, somewhere within | ||||||
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