Viewing Member - a starr reborn

I keep recalling snowflakes falling,
Me calling for a stop to your stalling,
Did I fit in the scheme of your dreams,
What was this relationship's theme,
Your eyebrows raised in question,
Your ingestion of my words could be heard,
Your thoughts heard by my me,
What would the public perception be,
Time stood still,
Your silence began to kill,
No matter how I will it no, my eyes fill,
Tears and the anger in me over-spills,
Why did you give me the chance to dance,
You made a glance feel like an eternal stance,
Giving me glimmering hope,
Turned it into a simmering ember to cope,
You'll never no the scope,
Your two-sides like a rope,
Strangling me,
Dangling free,
The brass ring,
How reality stings,
I turn sideways,
Your gaze forever blazed in my heart,
I have to go,
But not before I let you know,
How I loved you so,
You set me free,
Now how empty, that seems,
My fists began to clench,
I love you with every inch,
In my being and weighted soul,
I feel so cold,
You continue on in the lie,
During day keeping me standing by,
Deciding to hide in destructive pride,
Unhappy and unsatisfied,
Will you continue to work the mill,
Slowly dying on Silent Sorrow Hill

As the corners of night begin to gather round,
My only accompaniment is the familiar sound,
Of the wind weaving between leaves of tree,
No one to see the tears cried by me,
I still remember youth and uncertainty,
I still can recall the end of purity,
I hid so well the shame of unwanted hands,
Never said a word no one would understand,
I tried to fill the emptiness inside with food,
But the gaping maw of depression pursued,
Alone and young, I had to grow up fast,
Inventing a new face but still chained to the past,
Disconnecting myself from humanity,
That I could or could be loved profanity,
Loving from afar, wanting to be accepted,
But anyone who got too close I subconsciously rejected,
I wasn't worthy of compassion or trust,
I should remain alone until I returned to dust,
Those claws were sinking in deep,
Where was the reason to not fall into the great sleep,
Just the tiniest of lights, a fearless ember,
That still blazed hot in the heart of December,
What can you do with a clenched fist,
How can you love or live if anger persists,
I will never be able to do unless I try,
It’s not working just getting by,
I may have cracks and scars inside,
Still find the way muddy from tears I've cried,
The other day when I thought all doors were closed,
A beautiful angel let me realize she knows,
We talked for quite a great while,
She allowed me to cry and smile,
We may have never met face to face,
But her lovely image in my heart has an eternal place,
A wounded but living warrior, courage with no end,
A confidant and a true blue friend,
Lovely and passionate and maybe not the world’s perfect,
But to me she is the first and last every thing I would select,
There is no perfect ending to this living tale,
No on can know which way the winds blow when we sail,
But I can say I'm not alone, despite any woes,
Because I understand that she knows, she knows.

Take off your coat baby, kick off your shoes,
Relax and take a seat, let me massage your feet,
Tonight lover is a voyage of joyful treats,
You deserve the best, you’ve more than paid your dues,
Enjoy a home cooked meal, a myriad of delicacies,
To satisfy you, make your worldly wants cease,
All your favorite dishes, with a surprise or two,
A feast of intimate wishes, I’m gonna put it on you,
You’ll probably think you already had desert,
But I got something for you, not short of divine,
Waiting to be unveiled, as soon as you close those blinds,
So delicious it’ll make your sweet tooth hurt,

Put it to sleep, put it to sleep, put it to sleep.
Lay it on me baby,
Put it to sleep, put it to sleep, put it to sleep
There is no maybe.
Put it to sleep, put it to sleep, put it to sleep
Let’s give every corner a test,
Put it to sleep, put it to sleep, put it to sleep
Until there is no choice but rest,
Put it to sleep, put it to sleep, put it to sleep

Hey baby, close your eyes, I got a nice surprise,
Follow me take my hand, and soon you’ll understand,
Let me show my affection, enter my wonderland,
Take one big step, eels so good, make the temperature rise,
Let me wash away, the worries of your busy day,
Dry you off gently, massage you with oils intently,
Hey lover, look into my eyes, you might realize,
What’s in store for you, come along to paradise’s way,
I’ve been counting the minutes, until we got into it,
Yearning anticipating, yes I dare say salivating,
To plant every necessary kiss, to send you into a fevered bliss,
You best believe, there isn’t a single hot spot, I will miss,
A devastating. rejuvenating, elating consummating,

Oh baby, there so many ways I want to show,
Just how my love for you continues to grow,
I want to lay side to side with you,
Just sharing secrets, nothing more want I to do,
Gazing into each others eyes,
Realizing we are what makes the other sigh,
Transform the intangible into a presence all its own,
Our eyes and lips the bridge where none need atone,
You have the key to the place where my secrets be,
I want you inside me so, so deep,
In a way that can never be momentary or cheap,
Let’s make love until we put loneliness, doubt and worries to sleep,
My lips my hands, my body will do the walking,
C’mon baby, let me hear you start pillow talking,

I’m staring at this picture,
Hoping to find divine scripture,
Read every image and line,
And somehow comprehend and define,
Just why after our separate strife,
We are now in each other’s life,
It’s early morning and we’re in your room,
There is a light pushing away gloom,
It’s from two friends smiles,
Joy after chilling for a while,
Different as night and day,
But we’re boys anyway,
You the business man, mathematician,
No religion, no superstition,
And me the emotional artist with goals,
Looking for elevation and connections of soul,
And I keep staring at your face,
This wide unselfconscious grin in place,
Your arm around my shoulders,
The world feeling a little less colder,
Imagine my jubilant surprise,
When from you conversation did rise,
Just bud, the Capt. you and me,
Sharing stories, views, comfortable company,
Right before you were heading off to the beach,
And I wasn’t worried about you being out of reach,
I was so confidant of how I appeared,
In your eyes and heart you hold me dear,
Some of the things you’ve seen,
Those times hard and lean,
Of loved ones who have passed by,
Are creases around your eyes,
And I know you are still afraid,
Of bonds and bad choices being made,
I have felt that way many times before,
But I still want love and you through my door,
I want you to be happy and live,
Not because of what I think you can give,
I just felt something special when we met,
You’ve confused me but haven’t let down on that yet,
And I know I can be an enigma to you,
But of my heart, soul and feelings you have a clue,
I dream of our coming future days,
When we are turning old and gray,
That we will look back upon this picture,
And realize two friends have endured,
Through the good and bad,
Through joy and sad,
Through obligations and aspirations,
At times we have been each other’s inspiration,
And for the times before tomorrow’s light,
This picture will be a welcome sight,
To remind me in sad times that we were happy,
Just a random night, a picture of you and me.

Here we go again, the feeling quickens,
Through my clothes into my skin, seductively movin within,
And you don't have a clue do you,
Your voice like summer wine, Your body taut and defined,
So damn close next to mine,
The warmth of your arm, your naive unabashed charm, Is doing my sanity harm,
Glasses provide a subtle disguise, and to this all you act surprised,
Tell me how could you not realize, I am pinned to your eyes,
Ready to steal, kill or lie, Anything for the chance to vie,
To be the selection of your affection,
Even an unacknowledged concubine, All I need is a sign,
Give it to me, Set this butterfly free in your arms' captivity,
Don't take these words as levity,
Misbehave, give me what I crave, I'm digging you like a grave,
Resurrect me please, I'm falling to my knees,
Pour me some lovin, I'm hotter than a oven,
Primed and ready to go, can I be your mister now, somehow let you know,
You're killing me, thrilling me,
Drilling me with your moves, it's easy to prove,
Play my record put me in your groove.

Cutting glances from once intimate faces,
For the moment gone are love's traces,
Keeping up the hierarchy of the work place,
Your reprimanding words have a stinging taste,
I had a knife in my hand and bad thoughts in my head,
Seeking not to lash out physically or verbally but instead,
I kept quiet, all the while my feelings still bled,
All that I've been thinking never said, never said,
Trying so hard to be in control, be harmonious,
To relax, be easy-going not put up a fuss,
Always playing down the alchemic principle inside us,
That make us more than just animated dust,
Go the fuck home, echoed in the valley of my depression,
My mind calculating another learned life lesson,
The pursuit of an us a self-deprecating obsession,
Love and war that always seems to be an unanswered question,
In a noisy bustling bar promoting for our mutual work,
All I could think is I have to be here with this jerk,
Being aloof, acknowledgement of your presence I shirk,
Even though in my heart remnants of affection lurk,
You grabbing me by my shoulders saying You know I love you,
I just nodded thinking why do say and do the things you do,
Images of us under a golden sun and skies of powder blue,
Less complicated times and places with no need to piece together clues,
Snapping back to reality my anger meets it's fatality,
That my feelings for you will never have finality,
What I know you will never say you know,
Where things could go will never be so.
Never can I stay mad or distanced from this,
Never questioning each other's company we'd miss,
Never seeking safety from unrequited emotion's kiss,
Never equaled the somehow sadistic and forlorn bliss,
Never a clever endeavor that severs and tethers us forever,

Hid amid the insipid and decrepit corners of cities where those who some would normally pity lies earth born stars.
Somewhere in institutions brought there by life or death solutions trees are asphyxiated by unnatural pollution.
Down where confusion has often plummeted into destitution I hear the rumblings of revolution.
Colossal billboards of wealthy idealistic whores symbolize the closed doors to many of our brother and sisters.
Just outside where calloused hands and blistered feet bleed to eat and famine separate the dead from the weak there is a hopeful leak.
A tiny yet shining voice has made the choice to speak, despite an outlook many would call bleak.
In a classroom where the popular kids throw shadows of gloom trying to mark an early tomb for the odd ones who think roses rise above the cess pole of stink.
Some how that chubby nigger has a soul a little bigger than the barrel pointing at him from indoctrination's trigger.
I breathe, perceive, weave without the need to deceive and somehow achieve another day to be alive.
I envision my multiple ends ignore these fools' trends.
They huff and puff I sway as long is the day and yes I bend.
All of these things affect me, I cannot pretend, it would be easy to descend into the abyss of bliss the cold kiss a razor nearly brought to me 5 years ago.
But I have not finished growing amidst harsh winds of change blowing knowing that somewhere in the harshest climates the debate of fates does not wait.
Some one like me is crawling, scratching, sprawling, dispatching yes I care to dare say snatching victory from the salivating jaws of defeat. Substance grows from the leftovers and crumbs, what people some times call scum in the fields rich people call slums.
Yes the mother fuckers, the ones the in-crowd hates no longer feel the need to wait as fear quickly dissipates while we boldly kick open those locked doors to say
"Here we are, no longer to be ignored!"

Some how right now,
We cannot be found,
Away from the every day scene,
The hustle and bustle,
Demons we tussle,
Are all memories wiped clean,
I see you and me,
We are free to be,
Unchained spirits in harmony,
No one to judge or nudge,
And I wouldn’t even budge,
Here and now is where I want to be,

Nothing between us,
Nothing between us, at all,
Nothing between us,
Nothing between us, great or small,
Nothing between us,
Nothing between us at all,
Nothing between us, to catch this fall,

High up in the sky,
The moon is bright,
Enchanting all with its charms,
Shivers and quivers,
To me you deliver,
Want to hold you in my arms,
Wondering and blundering,
Is my heartbeat thundering,
To your ears, and maybe your heart,
Put aside pride,
We’ve got nothing to hide,
Nothing at all to keep us apart,

Not friends, family, job or money,
Can break us up my honey,
You and I have special trust,
Nothing can come between us,

For a dew drop in time,
We can both just unwind,
Lay down your all in my hands,
And I’ll show you a love no other can,
Why don’t you catch me, catch this fall,
There’s nothing between us at all.

Once the curtain of night has been drawn,
I find protection before dawn’s first yawn,
A wandering wraith below another’s affection,
A rarity when my presence meets detection,
Here under the gaze of accepting stars,
I can finally be released from invisible bars,
Walking silently my gaze held humble and low,
Not wanting to bear the notice of the shallow,
Wrapping myself in the embrace of twilight’s twill,
It understands of burning light I have had my fill,
Translucent one dimensional principles with willing selectors,
Daylight life a picture through polluted screen projector,
A cellophane shame, a travesty of actors with no names,
Big budget whores looking for the big score in this game,
I walk and dream, float in the time stream with an intangible paddle,
Just another forgotten, unnoticed moving shadow

Ignorant thoughts brought by those wrought in woe encircle me like locusts.
Contradictions find jurisdictions as children of perdition place restrictions on us.
I am battered and scarred, wounds healed to make me on the outside seem hard.
But in truth I do not retard the negative energies that bombard one people say should be disregarded and discarded.
Too black, too thick, too short, not quick, they say I lack what it takes to make institutions,
Their notions quotients founded on spiritual prostitution.
It had become easy to believe that none of my dreams could be achieved,
Deceived into the thought process that from self-loathing I would never be relieved,
Only until I was able to conceive and retrieve the very fabric that weaves beings into reality.
I am nothing more or less than I want to be. I cannot let others define me. My design is divine and doesn't not need t be refined or entwined in indoctrination.
I write my history, I think there for I am, I am the question to all my mysteries.
I believe in love, acceptance, elevation, one cosmic nation devoid of shades of skin. All pieces of the celestial mother.