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I am a walking contradiction skirting jurisdictions while self-implementing restrictions. I am a melancholy free spirit afraid sometimes to sing my own lyrics. I am child with old eyes and past lives striving to do more than survive. I am a silly, nostalgic, horny, romantic with naive antics. I am not afraid to break the rules of being cool or getting schooled. I am the color of earth, often misunderstood since birth. A chain smoker and late night toker, an ego stroker, sensitive joker and occasional chicken choker. I am as deep as you will allow yourself to wade in. I am my mother's creation, my father determination, the wages of so called sin and the scars left after being stabbed in the back or forgotten by a friend. I am the shy shiver of of an endless giver whose cheeks are moist and quiver from tears shed alone. I am heavy in heart and weight but free of prejudice and hate. I am a meandering soul searching to become whole while traveling in a caterpillar-like form. Not seeking shelter with the norm but weathering the storms that will come and pass with the perfectly imperfect fumbling we call existence. shaking off the shackles of pretense while understanding experience is neither good nor bad, more or less until the next time you can put it to its test. And if it is in the case to give someone an open hand I willing give it until my time's last grain of sand rests upon the cosmic strand. Our reality is within our hands
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| Friday, October 12, 2007, 5:19:18 AM- Things I'd like to Do Before I Die | ||||||
01. Get my poetry published, and see it touch many people in a positive way 02. Feel completely free for a full 24 hours 03. Have such good sex with someone )I've been celibate for a while now) in a place where I grip bed sheets, moan, scream writhe and just let go 04. Just cuddle with someone without a time frame, with no sex invovled, just cuddling, hugging, maybe some light kissing 05. To be taken seriously as an artist, to display works where I have written poetry and combined them with beautiful, unapologetic photographs of people for anyone to see 06. To travel, see the west coast of the US and see other countries, I've only been to Canada and that for 2 days as part of a bachelor party. 07. To stop compromising, and see myself as a legitimate person all the time, not just fleeting moments 08. To walk on a beach of black sand 09. To meet certain people from NN, to just sit and share a drink, some laughs and some smiles. 10. To wake up next to someone just ONE morning after sharing something special and intimate. 11. Learn to speak Italian | ||||||
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| Thursday, October 11, 2007, 9:19:17 PM- I Alone | ||||||
The whole world is asleep, The cool night softly weeps, As I look outside the window, And think just how a while ago, I had been laughing and drinking, How relaxed and warm I was feeling, From chilling with two of my boys, Enjoying the bliss of simple joys, To getting a call from someone, Who I thought our friendship was done, So instead of going home, I met up with you, bars we roam, Sitting next to this friend, How quickly attention ends, A pretty face or willing thighs, Quickly captures your eyes, A hand me down of sorts, Who faults a sailor in any port, And all my mind can think of, I thought you wanted love, Before you went upstairs, You saw me standing there, And asked if I was okay, I thought, what do you want me to say, And then you walked away, Into the arms of an easy lay, I was entertained for a while, By a silver tongued smile, I was able to clearly see, That he was closer to you than me, I could hear those missed sounds, Of two people laying down, And all that ran through my head, I should be home in my bed, I realized you didn't want me here, Not in true light, not so near, Even though I've said it before, You don't have to be the past anymore, I do not want from you anything, But a friendship everlasting, I wish I understood why I'm scared, That I've laid my soul to you bare, And you are still a mystery to me, Unfathomable like the bottom of the sea, i have such a concern of what you're goin thru, But I realize I can't keep dwelling upon you, I have a life I need to get under control, A soul journey, spiritual stroll, I keep thinking about so many fears, That keep me standnig here, While I keep writing what is on my heart, On every page I write I impart, Some piece of my life, my hope my dreams, That will never be understood it seems, And I know it is the negative side of life, That wants to hinder me keep me in strife, Dwelling on past trangressions I think I need to atone, A self-hatred that lies deep in my bones, The key to my freedom and life work is my own, Only I can find it, claim it, I alone, | ||||||
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| Thursday, October 11, 2007, 10:13:31 AM- I Just Don't Know | ||||||
So how long must I stand here and wait, For something in the clouds to break, i just don't know, how much more I can take, The time is the 21st century, And everyone seems to be in a hurry, To stake out their territory, For all the advances in technology, Why is there still racism and poverty, When we claim love has sovernity, In my own life the winds of uncertainity blow, I just don't know, I just don't know, But I'm working today and praying for tomorrow, When will I be judged by more than my skin, Too black for some and not enough for others, I can't seem to win, When people look at me, will they ever look within, Just trying to find an honest day's pay, But prejudice gets in the way, I'm tired of the games people play, Greedy politicians, self rightous decisions, Economic, idealogical, cultural, racial divisions, Bloodshed between different religions, Fathers leave, with war as the alibi,, Cures for the rich while poor children hunger die, I don't know why . someone tell me why, Oh creator, as powerful as the sky is wide, Should we cry when someone dies, All I can think is at least for them, They might stay forever with you friend, I'm trying so hard to get the message across, But my hope and love, are taking a loss, But who am I, to think I have a right to say, That things need to start changin right away, When I am still hated for my skin who I date today, Maybe I'll start claimng my terroitory, To find my place to rest shortly, I just don't know, I don't know maybe i should go. I'm still waiting, I've been anticipating, For love to come, But was it not meant for some, Will I ever see, Love, understanding and peace, Or happiness for me, I don't know I just don't know | ||||||
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| Thursday, October 11, 2007, 8:28:39 AM- I was Meant To be | ||||||
Somewhere along my thread, Before I even showed my head, Fates and cosmic entities, Were deciding my fate for me, A new visitor to this plane, Trying to sing the same refrain, As the people at the helm, Of this disharmonious realm, Seeing vibrations move us all, Differences are very small, Why is the wrapping held above, A message of non-judging love, My orbit has never changed, An alien, a soul estranged, I was meant to be, Alone, forever solitary, Known only to my self, Am I really so very scary, Or is it that I’m contrary, To the notion I’m a stranger, Look from within, the only danger, Is losing the ill-preconceived, A higher view is achieved, Love yourself and love me, You see I was meant to be, | ||||||
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| Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 7:49:35 AM- Denied | ||||||
I know not everyone might know what my oroginal name was, but I figured the majority of people I spoke to in the past would. I sent out a friend request and was denied. I thought this person and I were on good terms. OH well. | ||||||
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| Friday, October 5, 2007, 9:31:00 AM- Fucking hiccups and I'm jonesing... | ||
Been drinking a bit, hung out and damn why is that fireman/new supervisor at my store just HAWT! He's a little crazy, but sweet and fun, and did I mention sexy?? Anywho, I know he can't get me pregnant but I would sure like him to try. Okay maybe that was wrong but right now I'm just gonna say it. I know that it is 98% impossible for something to happen (even though friends of his have hinted he is bi but I don't beleive it until someone tells me that themsleves) and he is very touchy friendly at times. Grrrr, pfffft!! This tedddy bear needs some lovin!! OKay, I don't I normally do this, but would someone please read and comment on one of the two blogs before the last two ( THe Grip and Sweet Ache). Thank you =) | ||
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| Tuesday, October 2, 2007, 9:31:58 AM- | ||||||
I'm wondering if my last blog was a little too much info for some. Right now I'm at point where I'm feeling pretty free but still some of those reservations about expressing myself completely in writing linger. I've been working a lot, I"m a bit under the weather, but I feel like I"m in a pretty good place. I got hammered last thursday, it was pretty funny. Hadn't gotten that drunk in a while. It was good night of just hanging out and being me. Went to a DC United soccer game for a friend's birthday Saturday. Had a good time, the crowd was funa and raucous, and we won 4-1. Well thr new week has begun and I'm hoping for/look forward to a good week. Hoping all of your weeks are copacetic my friends. a starr xxxxxxxxxxxxxx | ||||||
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| Monday, October 1, 2007, 5:04:37 AM- The Grip | ||
When he smiles its like Apollo stretching his arms wide, So care free, so real with nothing to hide, I see those deep dimples on each end of those pearly whites, Accentuated by Mediterranean skin, a breathing baklava delight, Broad shoulders and a little bow legged but agile, Working man's hands and his own sense of style, His voice touches my insides like honey and rum, And at times I struggle to not just gawk like I'm dumb, So unassuming, as if unaware of his abject charm, As if the outside were not enough to suffice, His inner being vibrating through paths to serendipitously entice, Descendant of Eros, his arrows do unexpectedly delicious harm, At times I have to turn away, to gather my wits in, Try to hide the effects of that seraphim grin, I don't want safe distance, I want to close the space in between, Meet eye to eye and let my desire for him by him be seen, I want to hear that hushed tangible thunder, primal yet fresh, Right before our lips and tongues meet and mesh, I want to feel his body pressed against mine, My triumvirate like diamond tips, making my desire for him defined, Friction, heat, moans, moist mediums of traversing exchanged, Barriers of cloth either discarded or rearranged, Grasping fingers, hungry mouths and undulating hips, Joyously parallel, but apart from the known world, tenuously in the grip. | ||
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| Saturday, September 29, 2007, 6:51:43 PM- Sweet Ache (another of my early pieces) | ||
Here I lay again in my bed, Not holding you but squeezing my pillow instead, Incense and a candle’s flame the only light, As I think about our conversation tonight, Your voice reached places so deep, The memory so enticingly intimate I weep, Your image is burned into my mind it seems, Your visage fuels warm, moist velvet dreams, About the two of us alone somewhere quiet, Free to do uninhibited things in private, My desire for you makes me shake, How much longer can I take this sweet ache, My fantasies of you have a life of their own, So real when I touch myself I moan, Imagining what it would feel like. To caress your body, hold you tight, To feel your lips against mine, nibble your ear, So close your heartbeat I can hear, My hands wander places that make you sigh, As I gaze into your face with lust-laden eyes, To share myself with only you, claim a part of you, To make love with you 24 hours straight through, Indifference, I don’t know how much longer I can fake, I’m tortured by my desire for you, this sweet ache. | ||
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| Friday, September 28, 2007, 6:44:51 PM- Smoldering Honey (One of my first poems ever written) | ||||||
Look at me with those dreamy eyes, Make me melt deep inside, Suggestively lick those full lips, Tease me with your swaying hips, Speak to me in that slow, sexy drawl, As you lean against the bar room wall, With a nod you swagger out the door, Look back with a grin, what am I waiting for, Here I come, I coming for you, Tell me what you like to do, Kiss me with those lps so sweet, Warm me with your body heat, Take your time baby, go slow, Every inch of you, I want to know, Say things I've never heard, Love with actons, explicit words, Warm and smooth is your touch, I want you, oh so much, Your lips are a sweet candy treat, Let me love you from your head to you feet, Love me down, all night love me, Set your passionate soul free, And I'll consume you to the last drop, Smoldering honey I'll love you non-stop. | ||||||
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