I remember how I used to walk, rigid as if my path was outlined in chalk,
Head down, not making a sound, afraid to lift my head and look around,
The shadow walker, the odd one, Brown skin but feeling unloved by the sun,
Walking the path of convention, straight and narrow, like a clipped-wing sparrow,
I often retreated into the world inside my mind, always felt ignored or left behind,
Unwelcome stranger in the once beautiful garden of Eden that is now a hard molded zoo of danger,
Clothed from head toe, Face a mask of control and lamented disdained woe,
I remember the feelings of possible prosperity that became despair in university,
Frat boys in their Abercrombie & Fitch uniforms who conform to the norm, big boy and their toys,
Sorostitutes who were pretty thin and cute,
If asked a deep question their answers would be a giggle or to stare blank and mute,
Venturing outside this enclave of lower learning,
Began my existence's subtle then rapidly changing turning,
I remember an open mic night in November,
Entering through the door to hear an artist with a mesmerizing timbre,
Through out the song I stood simply enchanted,
When it was over I felt my feet were somehow planted,
Gazing upon this unique, down-to-earth muse,
I Wanted to talk but was so nervous, my sweating profuse,
In a bold move for one like me I signed up on the list to present,
Quickly wrote a poem to give that prior to that night I had no hint,
Hearing my name called my heart and thoughts raced,
Would it be good enough to say, or an utter disgrace,
I spoke into the microphone, feeling vulnerable and alone,
Drowning into the words I once again entered the world that was my own,
I was snapped out of my trance by the sound of claps and finger snaps,
Unexpected and spent I nearly collapsed,
I quickly strode out of the room into the comfort of night,
Pulling out my smokes while searching for a light,
Suddenly with a click a spark shone in the limbo of dark,
I was presented with a flame, my mind left with a burning mark,
That flash of fire illuminated that face, consummated desire,
And I was taken, to say any less would make me a liar,
Closing the space that was a crumbling wall is hard to recall,
The world imploded, with a kiss everything else became insignificant and small,
Lips, fingers, bodies pressing together counteracting the chilly weather,
In those arms I was unleashed, no longer bound by invisible tethers,
Breaking the shell that this world constantly forces on us all in a no refund sell,
I was crucified, justified, revitalized, sanctified, melted away on the inside,
Brought to the point my fingernails left light red trails while my breath became a passionate gale,
Brought back inside the time stream from a too-good to be true dream that still makes me cry,
Broken down, after being lost found, to exist free as xy

So hung over right now. I got a call at 9:30 from a cute young Italian guy who is only 22 (gasp). We are strictly friends, all though I would ride him until he needed oxygen. Finished watching heroes, called a cab went over to Riverdale and found the hole in the wall bar my friend was telling me about. I bought four drinks (two shots of SoCo and line, a Yuengling and a nice rum and coke for 12.75. Hold up, did I just say four drinks for $12.75?? Needless to say I got tore up,passed out, woke up at 3 am and started drinking again. God I just wanted to cuddle with someone last night/this morning. It has been too long for having that oontact. Why does he have to smile so broadly, have those dimple and eyes that sparkle? He smells good too. Pffffft, I'm too hung over to take matters into my own hands. I have 3 and a 1/2 hours to shower, get situated and head off to my second job. Hoping all of my NN friends have a great Tuesday. I'm hoping some inspiration will hit me while I'm twidling my thumbs at my 2nd job. I unfortunately can't perv NN at this job. Take care!

please go read scarylady's last blog. It made me bust out laughing!

Into a world that seems to hold no surprises,
People can become so jaded, immune to sunrises,
Every breath we take an expected thing,
We don't realize every new one a reason to sing,
I was just going through my routine when I saw you,
You were so damn stunning, I didn't know what to do,
More than a human, I don't think you understand,
A force of nature, a sign of divinity's master plan,
Supple perfection, top selection headed in my direction,
You got me from look one, puppy-eyed with affection,

Into my dreams, in a sec so it seems,
Into my fantasies, I cannot or won't to flee,
Into my arms immediately is where I want you to be,
Into you so bad you might not have a clue,
Into something magical, some would say impractical,
Into fantasy, a fancy I want to go into reality,

Into the station, You walked I felt sudden elation,
Couldn't hold back shivers, a passionate sensation,
I was praying you wouldn't notice what my mind was saying,
Into my mind and down my spine naughty thoughts straying,
A walking wet dream, better than a summer day with ice cream,
Turning me on, calling me out ready to burst at the seams,
How do I get up the nerve, approach you and not seem a perv,
Would my presence, my words, throw you an unsightly curve,
Into my good senses, past everyone of my defenses,
Into my heart and life is what I want with no pretenses,

You know, we spend so much time trying to be refined,
Being polite, when there is no intent of insult insight,
We try and project promote perfection in every word spoke,
Actions are planned in so many ways, scrutinized and replayed,
Thinking too much we miss out on what its really all about,
Can't we make this a start to get out of the tangles of love,
Just get into good company, away from preconceptions just be you and me,
Lets take time, give space, to reflect and exchange respect,
Lets try something new, are you ready to get into just me and you

Beads of sweat tickle as they trickle down my skin,
Warm, moist, fresh thoughts of you undulate within,
Why is there the need to pretend,
I stand agape unable to move for heaven's sake,
Each breath a thunderous apparent intake,
Because the blinding sun, the rat race in which we run,
The ways men live by the gun, ceased to exist,
This nagging need to talk seemed to persist,
Until I reached out my hand to your face,
Gentle as a dove dressed in fine lace,
The outline of your lips my finger tips began to trace,
And you put your hands at your chest,
For a moment there they did rest,
Before unbuttoning each artificial, processed link,
this revelation caused my body to sink,
Literally and figuratively into a natural position of my adoring disposition,
I gently pressed my lips to your heart,
The weight of kiss from my thick lips seemed to echo the start, of you seeing me as I am, Human, fallible, selfish, kind-hearted, Before we even knew it had started,
For the moment fantasy became flesh, and sweat, eye contact, drawn lines faint and abstract,
Vulnerable yet safe, the fear of jumping into a moment and being blissfully stuck to it like glue!
The hesitation, destination, liberation, discarded intimidation, infatuation, gyration, sensation, forgotten explanations, the exhilaration, elation,
I detest that my best, a thousand words can not express,
This heaven-sent unwanted but Welcomed Moment.

It was such a coincidence,
Fate smiled on me the instant,
I saw you standing there in line,
Damn, you were so fine,
Body a little moist from summer heat,
Lips looking like a candy treat,
And your big soft gleaming eyes,
Made a brother stop and realize,
There is a heaven somewhere,
And an angel is missing there,
What else could you be,
A wave of warm comfort upon me,
But there was fear and hesitation,
At my introductory presentation,
As I started walking over too you,
I wondered what to say and do,
And there I was at your side,
So many emotions and thoughts inside,
And then I came up with “hey”,
And you didn’t look my way,
I was simply mortified,
How my hope sunk inside,
But maybe you just didn’t hear me,
We were outside, and traffic was heavy,
So I tried to catch your eyes,
And much to my surprise,
When I did, when I did,
Your smile was not hid,
So I began conversating,
For a response I was waiting,
Then I had to recalibrate my mind,
Once you started to sign,
I felt so bad, and such a fool,
I basically lost my cool,
Got flustered and walked away,
I’ve been thinking about you every day,
Your soft hair and beautiful smile,
Those eyes I’d bathe in for a while,
Scared because you couldn’t speak,
Fear made the feelings weak,
I have been past that place again,
But haven’t seen you there since then,
I now have the ability to talk to you,
But will my message get through?

When you smile, the world melts away,
Who’s getting rewarded today in the milky way,
Be in the company of scorching Neptune,
Your smoky blues, make me tip my hand too soon,
But it’s funny, an outbreak of feverish flush,
Sensibility loses to attraction in a human rush,
If it were possible, Chocolate Buddha would blush,
The world is quiet, in an aroused hush,
And I’m hoping on orange moons and shooting stars,
You know for me to say what I’m saying, ohh it’s oh soo hard,
If you were Mt. Vesuvius I’m a citizen who won’t run,
How many can resist a presence like the sun,
Rushing from head to toe like hot lead through my veins,
Molten fire all over my body I’m within ecstasy’s reign,
It ain’t conceited to know I’m feeling you,
It ain’t wrong to think about what I’d like to do,
When you indicate, I sure won’t hesitate,
To accept what Gods of emotion dictate,
Wood in the morning is full and needs relief
Struck by the arrow of an astrological war chief,
Bowing down before no man but in this case,
Desire has pushed, squeezed positioned me into place,
To take that, to let go and scream your name out loud,
To be caught in the moment’s heart shaped cloud,
I know this may sound simple and corny,
But you’ve infected me, I’m contagiously horny.

I reposted 1 pic earlier today, and posted a pic of my bum. I had nice comments on them but somehow got an average 3.00 on my pics. If I pissed someone off I'd rather have you say it to my face. If you don't have the decency to appreciate when someone posts or you just don't like the pic move on, stop voting low numbers. And I bet the funny thing about it is that whoever is voting low on pics is some trogladyte who doesn't have pics. And no the voting vumber is not important to me just seems really childish. If you like a pic make the effort to vote it a ten, if not don't vote or comment negatively and move the fuck on is all I'm saying.

I saw one of my really best friends today. It was his last day in townand we basically played phone tag for most of the prior week he was here. We went out hady lunch, chatted and just chilled. He's a very creative person, and we just click. There is an age difference but that really doesn't matter with him. This is going to sound wierd but he's a gorgeous mutha fucker just to be blunt, even if he is a little scruffy right now but I just don't see him like that as a "If I could" . As wierd as it sounds, in varying degrees I have friends of various chronological lengths that every now and then it clicks in my mind "You know you are cute as hell, your voice is sexy, your smile, your playful attitude, etc." but with my friend T I just don't have that, and its really cool. We just vibe on levels that at times make me feel very special, and none of those levels involve sex. HE knows I 'm gay, we joke around just like any friends, but can have just the most honest, deep conversations. We don't hold back.
As I logged on to NN and started reading blogs, I thought about all the wonderful people I have come to know here. At times the chat room can be frustrating, we all have our days. BUt to telll the truth, it's kind of cool in its way. COmputers and bots are flatline, and we are humans, with energies running within and without us. There are ebbs and flows, and that's cool. I beleive the innate or natural prperties/characteristics that make our personalities unique are still there, but there can be slight tweaks from the environment, physically and mentally. I think what it all comes dwn to is that when we come into the NN chat rooms it should be with the intent of having a good time. For some it is coming to perv, for most of us regs (I guess I can be called a reg no lol) it is to catch up and chat with friends. For myself I have to remind myself at times to do that in my day in general.
Wow, I dodn't mean to blab on like this but I'm just feeling it. Just a lot of good energy going on right now. I want to hold onto that and carry it through my week, hopefully sharing it with you my friends and with the people I come into contact with thourght my day. Have a blessed day/night. Thank you for all being so wonderful beautiful and diverse.

You could have a movie star's grin,
Set above a stoic and heroic chin,
You could have a flawless physique,
Beyond any other athlete's peak,
You could have perfect, coiffed, sun kissed hair,
That looks attended to by divine, nimble hands of air,
You could have the most melodious voice ever heard,
So silky smooth its music no matter how absurd the words,
You could have all the right moves rehearsed,
Be raised so right you have never cursed,

The image is so easy to fall for,
The gilded trimming before a closed door,
The self conscious need to be seen,
To be the ideal, mean to look clean,
I might look twice at first,
Before my interest is dispersed,
I don't want to reach out for a fantasy,
Only to be left empty handed with a fallacy,

Everything we see isn’t real,
Give me the truth one can hear, see and feel,
Not just a generic fashionable appeal,
The original unique you, is what I want to hear, see and feel,

Give me some eyes with a hint of pain,
Above a smile where laughter and hope remain,
Give me a body not manufactured new,
With its own story partly told in a scar or two,
Give me a soul able to trip and fall,
Get right back up and laugh after it all,
Give me some one with just out of bed hair,
Untamed and mischievous, without a care,
Give me someone with an inner strength,
That will last past age's wearing length,

The edges might be called raw and rough,
The unfinished product others call not enough,
But to me that someone is a developing beauty,
A gift of creation so heavenly real to me,
You might not impress all at first sight,
But you will endure within me longer than one night,
So-called short comings, bad habits and all,
Genuine without contrived design; it is for you my soul calls