So a few things about me, here goes...
01. I was born the same month and day as my grand father.
02. My mother said that while carrying me it felt completely different than we she was carrying my brother. She just knew I was going to be a girl and bought a ton of pink clothes and dolls. I guess she got a surprise when I popped out. I still wonder why she never asked the doctor to confirm.
03. Strange, I like watching mixed martial arts fighting UFC/Pride and musicals (say what??)
04. I like dancing but I'm self conscious about people seeing me dance (unless I've been drinking then I will burn some floor)
05. I made a deal with my closest female friend that if she wasn't married by thirty we wold have kids together
06. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend
07. I have had three mouth to mouth kisses in my life, and none of them were with people I was in love with
08. I lost my virginity in a threesome (MMF)
09. I have not had any physical sexual escapade with another person in 5 years two months (yeah I'm close to being a born again virgin)

Her kisses linger on you like lip stick stains on your shirt,
Each image of your lips to her cheek smack me with a back hand,
My self esteem sinking like a struggling man in quicksand,
The way you held her squeezed the life out of my dreams,
When I shut my eyes tight as can be you flow free,
A perpetual well of devotion and emotion within me,
No matter how hard my fingers carve into my skin,
I cannot dig deep enough to uproot your grin,
An innocent cavalier with no knowledge of fear,
A guiless impaler of hearts without peer,
Finish me, end it, let the misery cease,
Slay me with the friend's kiss, give me peace.

My clouds become enveloped in your sky,
Every time I look into your eyes,
I feel wieghtless as a spring breeze,
Your smile lifts me from the world with ease,
Yet there is a barrier I haven't completely passed,
A heavy stone I have somehow amassed,
All this love is clear when you are near,
I constantly stand before you like a deer,
Confronted in a light I put up a silent fight,
An amourous ghost with sight of its own plight,
Choose me, move me, allow me to speak,
Permission to breathe from you I seek,
Existing in that limbo of the awakened and dreams,
Transfixed into inaction A starr in retraction,
Ready to shine, with my ray like arms forms define,
Yet held in check by a gravity of my own design,
An entity living indefinitely,
In abject opposite of its identity,

Had a really cool Got a call from one of my closest friends Tony two days ago and we made plans to meet up today. Took the bus down to Silver Spring and of course it started raining. Not just pouring down but sideways. I finally met up with Tony and we hung out at a really cool coffee place called Mayorga's. We sharedour most recent works, honeslty and in a nurturing way. Tony gave me some straight up opinions. I at first took it a little bit harsh. I wasn't pissed but I guess it let me down a bit. I realized and he explained that he considered me to be a good writer, and that I had only just touched the tip of the iceberg. We grabbed a bite to eat, and then went our separate ways. I have always felt energized after hanging out with Tony. We just click, even though in many ways peole would see we our different but spiritually, creatively we just click, and that makes our personalities very real and comfotable. I'm inspired to look over my previous work and edit it. I've always had a problem with that. For a long time I felt what I worte was meant to be and that it was perfect the way it was. I realize now it is necessary to go back and make sure it is exactly what I wanted to say. I also have to take in considertion that I have opened myself up to people reading my poems, and thus I have to make it conducive to reading. I'm just in a really good mood, feeling challenged and having just been in the presence of talented person who is one of my best friends. I hope everyone is having a great day. I'll talk to you soon!

I’m not normally this direct and bold,
But overpowering desire has taken hold,
And I want to let you know at this minute,
Just how you and I could get into it,
You see, I’ve been feeling you for quite a while,
But I felt the need to keep a polite profile,
Well right now it’s just you and me,
And I can express myself freely,
Close your eyes, and listen to what I say,
There’s no pressure just an offer come your way,
To be loved so right, have the sky become your ground,
Let me speak to you, and just break it down,
I'd kiss your eye brows ever so gently,
Work down to your ear lobes sucking intently,
And when you'd moan, I'd smile innocently,
Taking my time, loving you right contently,
Holding you tight while I wet the nape of your neck,
Lavishing affection until I can feel you trembling like a wreck,
Like a child at Christmas or the first time in a candy store,
Unwrapping delicacies and feasting I'd never tasted before,
Such an exquisite creation, breathing heaving ambrosia,
Only my want to please you, helps me keep my composure,
I wouldn't leave undiscovered 1 single inch of your body,
Everything from your temples to your toes, to the back of your knees,
Kissing and caressing your supple firm thighs,
You taste so good, it makes me want to sigh,
While my hands explore elsewhere my lips travel to your middle,
Working like a key to unlock part of your luscious riddle,
I can feel you quiver and pulse, inner space yawns wide,
Until like a climaxing star, you explode outside,
I’ll hold you knowingly, while kissing your forehead,
Content in moments where nothing needs to be said,
Waiting until you tell me you’re ready, to continue,
My voyage to your complete satisfaction has only just begun for you,
I don’t want to give it all up, but let me just say,
I’ll make it so you won’t want to leave this room for at least a day,
Making the bed moan and speak with creaks, before it breaks,
Up against a wall on the floor wherever the mood dictates,
Watching you writhe, hearing you whimper and moan,
Playfully working it, until you check your back bone,
And when you are totally spent, in a place called bliss,
I’ll bring you breakfast, place it before you with a kiss,
And we can talk, laugh just chill for a while,
Or if you need one of us go with a goodbye within our smiles,
Now just let it soak in,
I can see the wheels turning, with your naughty grin,
Lover, you don’t have to say a word or sound,
Just nod your head, and I will begin to break it down.

I haven't had a lusty dream in a loong time and I had one last night. It involved my friend and object of my affection. It was a wild dream. It sarted off inncoent enough, us just hanging out, talking with friends, until one by one those other friendss disappeared. We definitely got closer, and it was a beautiful thing just being next to him, at times with an arm around each other. I excused myself to go outside for a minute, and when I came back he was laying on his living room floor with no shirt (he has a fire place and it was nice and toasty) reading poems that I have suggested for the pic project. I saw some titles of ones it seemed he had apprently read: The grip, If HE could Only See. He looked up at me with one particular poem in my hand. I saw the title "Pretend". HIs eyes bore into me and I was transfixed. He said to me
"You don't need to pretend anything right now, its just you and me." I don't remember all the details but I know I was between his legs, saw his head roll back and forth, I recall us being sweaty, him slamming me a gainst a walll and holding me upa against it so I had no wear to go as he voraciously pounded me. I remember seeing scratches on the wall from my hands. I woke up in the weirdest position with my sheets all mussed, breathing heavy and definitely excited. I need more dreams like that! Or maybe what I really need to do is stop pretending.

It was wierd day, I was thinking abut bills and the holidays, trying to remember what it's all about. I had to work, and the mood for most of the day was kind of lack luster. A co worker and friend (someone who I cannot deny I am attracted to mentally and physically) mentioned he had read some of my poems and planned on reading more. I aksed him what he thought about them. HE told me he thought the poems he had read were kind of dark, eloquent but dark. It caught me for a moment. I read into it and thought "Wow, is dark like creepy or dark like inner place where there isn't a whole lot of light and people just don't get to see it."? I exhaled and told him that was cool. I actually said and meant that I am confident in my ability to write. I know I have room for growth. there was a time when I didn't want to write anymore, and I now cherish it. I think to myself that maybe no one will really get me. And hope that mabye someday I will find that someone willing to take the chance to really know me. What things will I be able to write then? What happens if the so called tortured soul, and dark writer finally has that special light shined on him? A mystery of the future I won't know until I get there. Bidding you all a pleasant night filld with vibrant beautiful dreams.

I begin to squirm,
Feeling comfortably uncomfortable,
With the placing at the table,
Now I must come to terms,
Push away, get up and walk out,
Say thank you but no more for me,
See there is so much more I was meant to be,
While some sit and stare, thinking what's he on about,
It's not about my hopes and dreams,
It's about the stark reality,
It's about me finally being free,
Being an individual and not a cog on your team,
NO I'm not saying, my heart has grown cold,
If anything, it is a hearth roaring brightly,
Unapologetic, even if to some unsightly,
I can face any eyes, and say I am beautiful,
I have a mind, I have gifts and I have soul,
I am strong and standing, chin raised high,
My smile broader than the junction of earth and sky,
No longer accepting another's deemed role,
And I readily agree, today may be a testing trial,
But it will be choices I alone will call mine,
The first step of my future solely my design,
As I open the door to the unknown I smile.

Pacing retracing my thoughts and words,
Facing what placing all my emotions on paper,
Will mean once seen there is no turning back,
Drinking and thinking what will your reaction be,
Blinking while sinking into a waiting misery,
Will you slide into what I confide or crack,
Submerge and purge away thought shapers,
Existing not resisting glide and fly like a bird

In my 3rd eye I picture the ink my soul has cried,
Somehow become a pool of rose-petal warmth for you to reside,
To lay and cast away al of your concerns and fears,
To lounge not scrounge cared for in every single way,
I emerge at your urge to be the gravity of your day,
A stasis where the basis is love without a peer,
Fond, gentle beyond your dreams, anything you can confide,
Not hindered, ferociously tendered without pride,

To confess and caress,
Adore you forevermore,
Sooner perish than not cherish,
Your every quirk and smirk,
Your laughter forever after,
Times we haven’t a dime,
Bare all for I care,
For you, no matter what we go through,
Past my last breath,
This me simply,
My love struck absurd words.

I have scrambled fractured ideas in my head. Not sure if its too much on my mind, the holidays and trying to get stuff together for presents or just lack of inspiration. I wonder if it's because I don't appreciate writing enough, or I simply need to improve. ON another note, I'm getting seriously pissed off by the website I published with. I am still waiting on my books to show up. To those who have expressed interest in ordring them from me I haven't forgtten you. As soon as I get the books in they will be off to you. For the time being, I think my brain is too frazzled to write. I'm not sure how good the last few of my offerings were. I think I need to just relax and meditate.