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I am a walking contradiction skirting jurisdictions while self-implementing restrictions. I am a melancholy free spirit afraid sometimes to sing my own lyrics. I am child with old eyes and past lives striving to do more than survive. I am a silly, nostalgic, horny, romantic with naive antics. I am not afraid to break the rules of being cool or getting schooled. I am the color of earth, often misunderstood since birth. A chain smoker and late night toker, an ego stroker, sensitive joker and occasional chicken choker. I am as deep as you will allow yourself to wade in. I am my mother's creation, my father determination, the wages of so called sin and the scars left after being stabbed in the back or forgotten by a friend. I am the shy shiver of of an endless giver whose cheeks are moist and quiver from tears shed alone. I am heavy in heart and weight but free of prejudice and hate. I am a meandering soul searching to become whole while traveling in a caterpillar-like form. Not seeking shelter with the norm but weathering the storms that will come and pass with the perfectly imperfect fumbling we call existence. shaking off the shackles of pretense while understanding experience is neither good nor bad, more or less until the next time you can put it to its test. And if it is in the case to give someone an open hand I willing give it until my time's last grain of sand rests upon the cosmic strand. Our reality is within our hands
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| Tuesday, December 4, 2007, 8:03:04 PM- One Thing | ||||||
It all happened in a sudden flash, Meeting of sound and feeling in a smash, Then there was darkness and oblivion, For how long is beyond my comprehension, When I regained my sight, I witnessed the purest light, And a calm my memory couldn't recall, I had not a fear at all, I could see and feel these entities, Somewhere inside they were familiar to me, Melodically saying I was free, From earthly struggle to dwell in peace eternally, Bewildered in awe, could this be real, Amidst this bliss why did I strangely feel, Something was not right with this, From the fulfillment of my dreams something amiss, The beings around me could sense my quandary, And asked why was I not completely happy, With a wave of what I would consider an arm, They showed the world below in all of its charm, The hustle and bustle, rat race pace, People avoiding one looking one another in the face, Politicians and business men's greed, War and poverty, children suffering, As the image spun before my eyes, As I gazed on portions of my energy began to rise, I saw the one still dwelling down there, I reached for them to only grasp thin air, The one thing for which I always longed, The one heart for which I would always feel so strong, If it was possible for tears to run down my face, It happened then, separated by time and space, Only one thing kept me alive day to day, Only one thing let me know I could be answered when I pray, Only one thing will make me truly happy, Only one thing makes my heaven complete, Yes I know the source of it all, of love dwells here, But it still isn't all if you aren't near, Only one thing that's not a sure thing will make this right, Only one thing I want and need, to hold you tight I asked myself, would I give it up, Drink once again from the world's cup, Take the good and the bad, The happy and sad, On the one thing that might not be for sure, I ran, oh lord help me, I ran out of heaven's door, For one thing, for you | ||||||
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| Saturday, December 1, 2007, 11:36:43 PM- Pretend | ||||||
I used to feel so guilty, Even at times a little filthy, At the mercy of unsolicited feelings, Bewildered by unprovoked emotions, Fearing the outcome if you got a notion, How you send me reeling into heaven's ceiling, It's rather quite funny, How I revert to grade school mentality, Wanting to kiss you but instead I shy away, Inside, I'm so yearning for you, Outside denying it with attitude, Trying to keep some modem of decorum every day, It's so feverish and so strong, SO natural how is it wrong, And at times maybe its a bit of pride, I've wrapped myself tightly around your finger, Even in your absence your presence lingers, Mmmm, in my heart I welcome the time when all collides, What I've kept bottled in, Gets released by your dazzling grin, I can't take the blame for my actions then, When we'll be alone face to face, Connecting in a long awaited embrace, The moment when I no longer care to pretend. | ||||||
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| Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 9:31:38 AM- thoughts and the future | ||||||
I've started writing for a fourth book. And I'm amazed that inspiration is coming to me. This year at times has been rough, but amidst I have found some really good growth. I have been blessed, even if at times it has seemed difficult. This fourh book has me reallly excited, because it will be a combination of poetry and photography. I'm not giving myself any deadlines, and I plan on writng it in somewhat unorthdox ways to some. Some will be peoems written before hand, and others will be inspired by photos. My guest photographer ( Gawd I hope things work out, if not then I'll deal) has been very receptive to my ideas. Now its just a matter of picking a date(s) for photoshoot, and getting possibly more models. I have some craazy ideas. I want some of the models to take some poems and read them themselves. I want some poems to be read to the models right during the shoot. I also would like to see what happens from taking pictures and asking the models what words are going through their heads, jotting notes and then writing a poem branching from their thoughts. All in all, I am very excited, and it looks like my dream of not being stuck in my job that doesn't appreciate past this year's end has a good chance of coming true! SO I am feelign really good right now. Now all I need/wuld like is a sexy man to cuddle with and write some poetry about  Night night my friends.a starr reborn xxxxxxxxx | ||||||
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| Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 9:22:34 AM- Look At Me | ||
I stick to the shadows, pick my moments, So far I've been a minor development in events, Okay with toning it down a bit, shining dim, Letting other's whims define me too often, Playing it safe, being the fun side show, The facade has to go, I’m ready to let the world know, The creator makes beauty in all colors, shapes and sizes, I've worn self deprecating guises, I've come to realize this, Well no more, no longer for no one, Before I'm done I'm gonna burn into your memory like the sun, Not with a harshness, or an insistent wedge, I'm stepping up to destiny's ledge, with a soulful pledge, I won't shy away from what creation has instilled, I am thrilled with a new will, and passion filled, I will push my shoulders back, hold my head up high, Keep my feet grounded, thoughts riding the sky until I die, I'll speak my mind, let the heat from my heart free, I will flirt and speak with ease, and you will look at me, You may not call me beautiful or even somewhat fair, But I know you will not dare, to say something special isn't there, I may not be your dream's ideal, But child I know you will feel, I am raw and I am real, SO don't you dare look down, don't you dare turn away, In your mind's eye way, really look at me starting today | ||
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| Monday, November 26, 2007, 6:13:09 AM- A Word I cannot Speak | ||||||
The moon rises, and the sun quickly wanes, My mind so preoccupied, I'm going insane, Many go through a life time, never this close, To their dream's perfection, a fallen heavenly host, You make me wide eyed and stupefied, Anxious and glowing, scrambling to hide, A universe's big bang of emotion, That began from a friendly devotion, How easily innocent admiration, Became fascination then infatuation, Something inside me just wanting to be heard, Something beautiful but in this world absurd, Truer than a Caribbean ocean's blue, Are these feelings I have for you, OR is it better said that possess me, I don't want to sleep, drink or eat, Proving to be the nemesis of my defenses, I could never be your perfect one, Just another gravity held adorer of you the sun, And even though bridges could possibly burn, Just that one moment, is all for which I yearn, To really look at you, into your windows, To hold you kiss you and let you indisputably know, What lives and breathes, what I would give unconditionally, And if we could remain friends I'd walk away happily, Do you understand or know the battle raging within me,, TO insure your safety I would face my mortality, I hold on, even though resolve grows steadily weak, A word a name for this feeling I haven't the courage yet to speak, I love you my friend, beyond my words to convey, Can you imagine how hard this is to know, let alone say, I need you to break my heart, In order to move on to a new start, | ||||||
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| Saturday, November 24, 2007, 10:38:28 AM- the drunk ramblings of a man with five hours before he has to go to work | ||||||
If He could See I try not to listen to his voice, But my soul has no choice, When he hugs me it feels so right, If only you could see how his hair catches moon light, Then maybe you could understand, Just how gone I am with this man, His soft caramel eyes make me sink and rise, And the deepest place within sighs, His body is so warm and strong, So inviting then why do I feel like I don't belong, People like planets orbit nearby him, Ready to do his slightest whim, I find myself cursing many days, Why do I have to feel this way, With the words of expression I’m fumbling, While my restraint is inexorably crumbling, Push it down, hope it cannot be found, My face a mask hiding the tide of emotion in which I drown, I alternate between holding myself tight, And tearing at my skin from this plight, Collapsing breathlessly against a nearby wall, Trying to find a holding place to not continue to fall, Tumbling headlong fruitlessly for his charms, But I have no control much to my alarm, All around me normal things are going on, Inside my private world we are laying on the lawn, Strolling then rolling caressing confessing, How our meeting was a divine blessing, Open lips and open hearts become one, I am his fertile valley and he my radiant sun, Making my body warm, tingle and glow, Sinking deeply into me I feel him slowly sow, A thousand holy dreams and memories, Loving me as if he read every page of my diaries, My fingers run lovingly through his hair, Kissing him to where I no longer care about air, But its all just a fantasy, An image of me I know he will probably never feel or see. If he could only see how effortlessly, He is moving me, destroying unconsciously, The fragile barriers binding my sensibility, Does he know, can he feel it or see. | ||||||
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| Saturday, November 17, 2007, 6:02:23 AM- Is It Too Much ( the Aftermath and lingering question) | ||||||
I often don't pray, most of my days, I just accept what comes my way, There will always be in humanity, Haves and have-nots with certainty, A little while ago you know, I met someone and they moved me so, Felt the earth tilt and sky slightly melt, The knowledge of that existence has dealt, An opening of questioning so many things, Why into my life, this cherubim did you bring, Is it too much to fall in love, Tell me, some spirit from above, Is it too much to want to be in those arms, Squeezing me so tight it crushes away fear and harm, IS it just a bit more than I should ask, TO gaze upon your face and bask, IN the light of your shining eyes, To trace your smile with fingers while the sky rolls by, Is it too much to not even seek, More than your embrace, and to openly speak, About the hills and valleys of my previous years, To push aside my expectations and fears, To share the horizon of my coming days, Is any of this too much in some kind of way, Yes I dwell in a private place I call heavell, So close to you but separated by a thin veil, Transparent nearly negligible, but impregnable, Will I break through, only time will tell, Is it too much to do, placing hope upon you, Wanting your company, love you tender and true, So through this love soaked eyes I slowly agonize, Cursing myself, for being an unnoticed prize, Will I ever come to terms, deal with how I yearn, Is this feeling too much, will it ever cease to burn | ||||||
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| Friday, November 16, 2007, 9:36:54 AM- | ||||||
I wrote a drunk stupid blog an deleted it. All I'm gonna say is I want somebody for me, and no its not about sex. Someday please creator, someday,and stop teasing me, stop letting me be foolishly drawn to what I know is not meant for me | ||||||
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| Thursday, November 15, 2007, 7:08:29 PM- To ALL INTERESTED | ||||||
My first two books Passion Bound: The Secret Voice and Let it Breathe: Spoken Soul are available!! I have ordered a limited amount so please let me know per my prvious blog if you are interested in an autographed copy. Until this small supply lasts ( I am currently a broke writer lol)I am offering each book for $3 (well below the print price and retail price), the cost of shipping it to you and with a promise of a future NN pic on your gallery fo you posting with the book! IF that sounds good pm here on NN. PM me so I know, and we can go over details of where you would like the book(s) sent!! Thanks again my lovely people, take care! | ||||||
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| Thursday, November 15, 2007, 12:12:22 PM- Wealth and Success | ||||||
For so much of life, I have hidden my soul, Afraid to open up and give away control, I did what my folks said, Kept book learning in my head, Become a lawyer or doctor, Yes they said, that's what I was born for, For so long I tried to force feed myself, The meal of conformity, put my food upon a shelf, Physcially sick, mentally unstable, Causing a stir when I pushed away from the table, NO longer satisfied to dine on a phantom cuisine, Cooked up by a corrupt hellish regime, I found myself wandering naked and cold, Scared cause I no longer followed what I was told, Without a cent to my name, I found myself no longer with shame, Reborn, no longer forlorn, Knowing of but not caring of other's scorn, If this be my last day upon this mortal coil, I will gladly go with a smile back into the soil, To never die, but nurture another incarnation, OF what the creator has made in divine perfection, All I have are these words of mine I've lived, All I have is my friendship to give, And no it is not a wealth one can spend, But it is one I bestow, not lend without end. | ||||||
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