Happy New Years to you all.
Love from the both of us.xxxxx

I can die a happy man now.
On top of Northern star and his princess with willow01 and Kricket187 on top of me.
Thats the best xmas present any man could want.


I would just like to wish you all, to you and your families, a very Happy Christmas and a Great New Year ahead.
steve (north)

He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms... .............................................................................................................................................................

And then he stuffed the turkey.

12 Days of Christmas - letters

December 14th

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.
What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes
-------------------------------------------------------------------
December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle
doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just
adorable.

All my love, Agnes
-------------------------------------------------------------------
December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve
such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist....
you're just too kind.

Love Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 17th

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those
squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes
------------------------------------------------------------------
December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front
steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where
will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep
through the racket. PLEASE STOP!

Cordially, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 20th

John:

What's with you and those fucking birds???? Seven swans a-swimming.
What kind of goddam joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and
they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night.

IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those fucking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 21st

OK Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids
a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but
they had to bring their own goddam cows. There is shit all over the lawn and
I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS.

Ag
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 22nd

Hey Shithead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers piping. And
Christ - do they pipe. They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they
got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset are stepping all over those
screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The
neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours.

From Ag
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 23rd

You Rotten Prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been balling those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't
sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The
commissioner of buildings has subpoened me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.

One who means it, Ag
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 24th

Listen Fuckhead:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned
"ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again.

Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with
the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in
the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.

Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 25th

(From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Bangar)

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which
you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The
destruction, of course, was total.

All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to
reach Miss McCallister at Happy-Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have
instructions to shoot you on sight.

With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Taeker, Spredar, and Bangar
Attorneys at Law

If you buy stuff on line,
check out the seller carefully.

A friend (not me, you understand) has just spent £100 on a penis enlarger.

Barstewards sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said,
"Do not use in sunlight."

Who named Trojan condoms?

The Trojan horse entered through the city gates, broke open and loads of little guys came out and fucked everyone's day up.

Doesn't fill you with confidence.

This is a Medical Alert,
A highly dangerous virus called
"Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around.
If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS,
you should immediately go to the nearest
"Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) to take antidotes known as
"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE)
"Radioactive UnWork Medicine" (RUM)
"Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter" (BEER)
or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen" (VODKA)..
..Get well soon....

My budgie got out the cage and shagged the dog!








Got some puppies going cheap if ya interested?