BUBBA'S ODE TO LOVE



Roses are red,
or are they blue?
Hell I don't know
but I do like you.

I love you more
than my truck's tires.
Yer more useful than my
old rusty pliers.

You cook a good deer
and fry a good egg,
just wish you'd shave that
hair off your legs.

If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face,
It's okay, I'll still feel the same,
I'll just keep on tellin my buddies,
yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.

Yer my pride and joys,
What a lady!
But hows come we do it
only when it's my payday?

When I ran over ya with my truck,
you didn't even say "ouch."
And you are so cute,
when you wipe your boogers under the couch.

I hope we stay together,
at least a couple more days-
cuz I'm really horny
and I want to get laid.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.
This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime,
and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said,
"Guess who? ""
The controller switched the field lights off and replied,
"Guess where! "

A young teenage boy comes home at 11pm,
His dad says "where were you?"

"I was with Sarah." He replied.

"What were you doing?"

"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says
"These fishcakes are great."

Dad replies,
"Wash your hands son; they're f*****g donuts."

TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS:

I am sending this only to my smart friends.
I could not figure it out.
My first thought was wrong and I had to look at the answer.
See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?


1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess





Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try....Look at each word carefully.
You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.
This is so cool..... No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters.... Let me know if you found the answer -
I didn't! Answer is below!
















Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
Did you figure it out? No?
Then send this to more people and stump them as well.
Then you'll feel better too.

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
And comfort her after a bad day.



He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.


No wait... sorry...

I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.......
Never mind.

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target.
The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target.
He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again.
He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area,
"It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?

Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon.

Teacher : Wow !! What a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?

Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and fuck off in the morning.

The Happy Mailman

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said,
"But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.
He said,
'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'

Expressions For a Woman's High Stress Days
You! Off my planet!!
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the Earth.

Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
So many men, so few who can afford me.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody...and you're next.
And your point is...?
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.