PREGNANCY

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.




ESTROGEN ISSUES


WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'


1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You 're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.




TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND


10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white and
eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND.................

The Number One thing only women understand:


1. OTHER WOMEN

I forgot how much running around having an invalid in the house involves...lol, I even have to squeeze the tomato sauce bottle for her, but her big sis is a great help too

I am just as sore, but I keep finding new bits that hurt as the day goes on.....I have bought some radox, so I am gonna empty it into a hot bath and soak away some aches and pains later on once I get the kids to bed )

Work was kinda blahhhh, I spent half the day on the phone to the wages dept. who messed everybodys wages up this month, but hopefully we got it all sorted out...fingers crossed anyway!

And today is day 1 of my new healthy eating.....I had healthy breakfast, healthy lunch and healthy dinner and now all I want is unhealthy apple pie and custard, or maybe an unhealthy trifle....mmmmmmm unhealthy jam donut....oohhh ohhh really wicked sticky toffee pudding!!

/me slinks off and peels and orange!!

Well, after today I am sore in places I forgot I had. But it is defitately the good kinda pain, the kind that in time will pay off many times over. All I have to do now is manage to get through the next couple of days then I'm gonna do it all over again!!

Well, we just spent the last 5 hours in a+e with the lil one, as it turns out she has broken her wrist...... I feel terrible now because I was sooo sure she hadn't broke it and after 4 hours there was starting to get really kranky with her (

And it seems that while she is a really good climber (a tree!!) she aint such a good faller, although everybody I have told so far has just assumed it was her sister I was talking about, so I suppose that's a change....The radiologist even remembered me from my last visit with her sister, lol...

So now we are tired, weary and going to bed....night night xxxx

OMG......It was fantastic, and I am going back again tomorrow!!! I feel so at home and the world feels right again, exactly where I need to be right now......

I can't believe I stayed away soooo long.

I am getting sooo excited about tomorrow....I'm going somewhere and I aint telling anybody where (it's my thing and I am not willing to share it just yet!!) but I was laying in bed last night for ages trying to get to sleep and I couldn't because I was getting so excited about it. I can't remember getting this hyped up for something in the longest time and all is good!!!

Okay, I remember where I left it last night and now it just aint there. I really really need it for work, cummonnnn it was funny to begin with but will the person who hid my bra tell me where it is now pleaseee????

**running late and in panic mode now...lol**

AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! FUCKIN FUCKING FUCK FUCK!!!!!

Phewww, thats a bit better....I can take most shit I have to deal with at work except one guy we have to deal with from time to time.....Well time to time was tonight and I can't believe how stressed he gets me, he is such hard work, doesn't listen to a word you say and keeps asking the same dumbassed questions over and over again!!! I just kept repeating the same answer again and again but saying it louder each time, before I finally snapped and told him to "FUCK OFF" and walked away for my break....

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

heeheeee.....I thought I had lost my phone, and have done without it for nearly 2 days! Well today it turned up, lmao....in a drawer at work...Well I remember putting it in there now, but damnnn it seemed like a really clever place to put it at the time, obviously it wasn't!! Anyway, the battery had died so I have just charged it up and switched it back on and you know what?

I think I am going to lose it all over again, but do it for good this time...

I went to see Mama Mia tonight with my mate....I haven't enjoyed a movie at the pics so much in a long time....It isn't my usual type of movie to watch but I really enjoyed it. I usually prefer lots of action and explosions in a film but I laughed and I cried and most of all I sang along, it was great!!

On another note, I just watched my neighbour on the news talkign about the flooding in our town, he really is such a twat. I don't think they coulda found a bigger twat to talk to, to represent our town....grrrrrrrr!! When we got back from the pics we took a walk down to see the damage....OMFG.....Two bridges that have been there for as long as I can remember are no more and a 3rd one is probably gonna be condemned tomorrow. That one is one of the main roads into town...I am in shock that something this bad has happened so close, but glad that I live up the hill too!