Viewing Member - michael1

happy thanksgiven!!! wishing everyone an awesome one!! filled with love, family and friends!! have a great one !!

some reasons to live/laugh and love; live with intention. walk to the edge.
listen hard. practice wellness.
play with abandon. laugh.
choose with no regret. continue to learn.
appreciate your friends. do what you love

What the heck is CYBERSEX

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I'd been reading about the term 'cyber sex' a lot lately especially even in S&FF, so I decided to try and figure out what it meant.

I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I tried to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on my computer, the Add/Uninstall software. Then I got all the manuals and went through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So decided to go to the computer store to see if I could buy one.

The sales person in the first store was a stern looking woman, and when I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock.

She scolded at me and asked if I was trying to get smart with her rather rudely, I thought, she just walked away.

Huh she must not have had any in stock.

The guy in the second store, laughed and asked me if I'd fallen off a turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck but I had fallen off the wagon a few times. He said that explained it and he walked away laughing.

The guy in the third store said something like 'boob' under his breath and walked away, wonder why he only noticed one!

Anyway, I figured they must not carry them in these stores, maybe I have to order them from a catalogue or something. So that's where I am now....

If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it!

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have an awesome weekend!! love/laugh/live hugs!

a very good friend of mine tried to end her life. she has a daughter and in her mine at the time alone.there was a movie hotel new hamshire the theme was keep passing those open windows' do not jump ..i am blessed to hug her today. that the window is the easy way out. but she choose no mater what to keep playing the game / love that is life

Will I Live to Be 80?



I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well for my age"

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?"
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male crab and a female lobster are dating, but they are hiding it from their parents because of the obvious reason. Eventually the lobster gets tired of all the secrecy and she tells her father, who is furious and forbids her to see the crab again.

“But why can’t I see the crab again? We’re in love!” cries the lobster. “Because,” says the father, trying to search for a reasonable answer, “crabs walk sideways and we walk straight!” “Please, father,” she begs. “Just meet him once and I’m sure you will change your mind.” The father finally agrees to meet the crab and she runs our to tell him the good news. The crab is so excited that he practices walking straight. He practices and practices until finally he can walk straight. He walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can. The father sees him coming and yells to his daughter, “Hey, here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The very proper lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I justa tella my friend how to spella Mississippi."

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LIVE WELL// LAUGH WELL// LOVE WELL// happy week!!

hope everyones weekend is great! had to work this morning, but what an awesome day sunny and 70's .damn i like saying that but living it much more. this year i think has gone bye the fastest of all years.i am coming up to 2 years with the name i use now on n.n. soon. its not my first name here. this site has a lot to offer and alot of very good people. there are times that i feel the same things families feel and i know it is the same with others. that is a rare thing . in life. i praise the nudes and all the beauty here ! both on the outside and on the inside. have a great week everyone! --------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

You know your a teacher if...

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1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8:00 to 3:20 and have summers free."

4. You believe chocolate is a food group.

5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.

7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

9. You have no life between August and June.

10. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

11. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

12. You wonder how some parents ever managed to reproduce.

13. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

14. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

15. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "never dream" of doing your job.

16. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

17. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

18. You want to choke a person when he or she says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."

19. Meeting a child's parent(s) instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
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Top Ten Reasons To Buy A New Car

10. The closest to musical entertainment you have, is the whistling sound created by all the rust holes.

9. Instead of an air bag, there's a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

8. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on a moped.

7. 15 minute JiffyLube needs to keep your car for 3 days.

6. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

5. Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal "The Club."

4. While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.

3. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the driveway.

2. You keep losing dates on left turns.

1. Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.
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love n hugs! happy day !!! happy weekend !!!!

>>EMPLOYEE EVALUATION
>>
>>For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation - just remember,
it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal
Government employee performance evaluations.
>>

>>1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and
has started to dig."
>>
>>2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
>>
>>3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
>>
>>4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."
>>
>>5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."
>>
>>6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
>>
>>7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
>>
>>8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
>>
>>9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
>>better."
>>
>>10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."
>>
>>11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>>
>>12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>>
>>15. "He's been working with glue too much."
>>
>>16. "He would argue with a signpost."
>>
>>17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
>>
>>18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
>>
>>19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other
one."
>>
>>20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>>
>>21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
>>
>>22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
>>
>>23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
>>
>>24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out
looking for it."
>>
>>25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week."
>>
>>26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
>>
>>27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>>
>>28. "It's hard to believe he beat 1,000,000 other sperm."
>>
>>29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
>>
>>30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
>>
>>31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
>>
>>32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead
>>
>


have a happy day!!! love well//laugh well//live well

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXMAi5N0IFI[/url]

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Oh and then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
The words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
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love n hugs! hope everyones week is awesome !