after reading a blog from one of my favorite eloquent minds here... I realize that this might be the place to post my conversations with my daughter, where friends and family won't see it and get weirded out by us...

you see... my daughter grew up in a rather peculiar household. She knew about sex at a young age. We were both(my now ex, and I), perhaps a little too open, honest and graphic?

Mom wandering around the house nude was a regular thing. And me walking into the home and stripping on my way through the living room... well, again, that is just me.

Now, in a normal household, I would hope that the living room, family room, and kitchen are all communal areas, where everyone gravitates to talk and just spend time together... right? mean, of all those rooms, I love the kitchen the most. Cooking together, hand washing dishes, and a few other things are activities I cherish fond memories of still.

But, in my household... there is another room that is considered communal, at least, when I'm using it, it's fair game for anyone who wants my attention, advice or time, to just walk in and spend time with me... umm, besides the bedroom...
the bathroom was once where from babyhood to about the age of four, we took family showers Each of us taking turns holding her while the other one washed up. And we washed our wee one, together. Later, family showers included plugging the tub towards the end, so she could splash and play in shallow warm water while we did our own thing. It wasn't until she'd started preschool, and a distressed teacher came over with a piece of drawing paper clutched her chest, wanting to discuss a drawing she'd made in class. The subject... umm, her favorite family time. Her drawings weren't simple stick figures. Oh no... they included genitalia in detail... as well as round bellies and belly buttons, she'd places all of Daddy's man bits right there, for all to see... She'd place my breast where they belong with nipples and everything, and she'd put both hers and my own girly bits where they belong.

With a blush, chuckle and a smile, I explained I was a Hippy child, and that we have family showers. I explained that they'd started as convenience act, saving water, and helping both parents and child get time together; and to get clean, without whining and fussing, or juggling a child when slippery.
I then added that I guess she's a pretty good little artist for a three year old, to put everything in the right places, right? Her teacher was silent, still looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I sighed and said, I guess it's time for Family Showers to end.

They did. But the bathroom is not sacred grounds, of solitude for me, nor for her, when I'm home... Poor girl.

She just keeps reminding me, "Thank God, you didn't have a boy, Mom..." shaking her head enough to rattle the marbles out of her ears, "He'd be one messed up man, by now, having to watch his mom naked all the time hearing the sex noises through the heating vents, and how you and dad talked a bit much about sex. He'd either have been horny for his Mom and only want old women, or... most likely, he'd be GAY."

She's right. Thankfully I didn't have a son. Not that I didn't want to have half a dozen of the little demons... No, it's just that I would have had to wear robes and clothes all the time. No desire to traumatize a poor boychild.

Good thing she insists it hasn't scarred her. She said that now, when she wants to feel powerful, she does like me. Strips and just walks around naked in the apartment.
By the way, she's an adult, almost 24. And, she's a hoot. She really IS my a whole lot like me. She looks more like her father than she does me. But her voice is mine, except for my accent and husky raspiness. And her attitude.. when it turns into Sass-itude... is definitely something I'proud of her picking up from me.


So I guess THIS entry is just establishing the future posts of Conversations with K. These are real ones, by the way. We're a weird odd couple of chicks who're open sexually about our love lives and sexual experiences and tastes, with each other. Sometimes it makes my eye twitch... but it made that happen to her a whole hell of a lot, too.
Before she became comfortable being my Mini-Me. That, to be honest, was an honorary title bestowed upon her, by none other than Alex. He used to call her Special K, and she called him Monkey Butt. No one other than that girl could have gotten away with calling that proud gentleman something like that.

today is the last of my wonderful long weekend. How this has helped me... except for the cold that is now destroying my voice (and the fact that I refuse to stop singing at the top of my lungs while driving) I'm going to be resting most of this day.

Last night, we bundled up and went downtown, to see the lights on Temple Square, like we used to, when she was young. We cast aside our scarves... I regretted it once we were on the grounds. chilly wind and icy temperatures, reminded me that my lungs and throat are precious and well... I'll be paying for it for a while. No more Top of the lungs singing, for a while. I need my voice for tomorrow's phone calls. They'll be the last ones to count in raising my scores if possible. The goal, to finally reach the REACH Incentive and qualify for the generous bonus program is worth the effort.

So, today, I will be sipping herbal teas to sooth my throat and restore my breathing. I'll take licorice, zinc and other things as well, to speed the healing process.

I'm staying in my jammies. I'll snuggle under my covers. I'll stay inside and just rest and relax.

Mmmm, I get to lounge the day away. I'll stretch and, maybe later, I can soak in a bath filled with lavender and Epsom salts. And feel like a woman luxuriating, instead of a miserable woman who froze her ass off watching people and colored lights last night.

lounging, it is.

we've had a wonderful day, today...

my daughter got a job offered to her, accepted it and starts working on a different project at my offices making $2.00 per hour MORE than I do!

Whew...

and... she took some amazing photos of me.. making me look gorgeous... she knows my facial tics and the right angles, I guess.... she's the only person who's successfully taken more than just one or two photos of my face, that make me feel like maybe I Do look appealing.

I enjoyed doing the same for her... did her eyes and trimmed the bushes over that paid of golden flecked green eyes.

A great day... we stuffed our belies after declining the invite my sis texted, about a girls night on the town, dancing at a club... not tonight. My body is still fighting a cold, and I sang too loudly along with Shinedown, in the car, on the way to my kidlet's job interview.

Things are looking up for sure, for 2015, for us!

Anyone willing to help me post a pic or two that she took of me, the real me... in our livingroom?

smiling inside, as I'm inundated with One Direction's latest album....
but you know... the never cease to please me, with new music and tempos that open a mind and heart to recognition of truth, joy, lust, love, delight...

My daughter got some lovely treasures and funny things given to her by her steps and her dad... and so much overboard STUFF, from me... but I adore her and her joy at returning home to me... She is my child, even though she's an adult... *sigh* she will always be my child.

Today she went through the tiring, lengthy process of filling out an application assessment test over the internet, prior to the interview she has where I work, tomorrow afternoon. I'm thrilled that she's taking this seriously. Honestly, on this particular project, I can see her making team lead, or some other title sooner than will I myself. But I am confident of her desire to run things.. let's face it, she learned from her dad... and she's taken charge of church youth groups and bossed guys into happy compliance... and ran things in such a way that the other teens were more active in church, and more positive in general in life. They had this strong amazing young woman who once believed in right and truth, and in the power of determination. She'd fiercely protect someone who was down, and fight when needed... and boys held her high, and protected her.. because she was who she was... and, because she was my daughter. If you understood the devotion of those boys of mine, in special education.. you would understand the great lengths they at times took, to shelter and protect her from stalkers, and bad experiences, blocking her from harm. I still love those boys... and when I recognize a face from my elementary classes... I love them still.

My daughter had me open my gifts from her. The were cheap little trinkets, but with significant symbology.

One, a silver-tone bracelet with little angels crystal pearls and open hearts. She told me that this was a reminder that my Alex, and two of her grandmothers are watching over us, as Guardian angels, from above. That Alex loves me still, and is there for me, all I have to do is cry out a prayer for him to be by my side, loving me through my trials... that he saw my worth, and that I am loved by many guardian angels.

The next, is a gold-tone necklace and earring set. Kind of cheesy, but the message was clear as soon as I'd opened the box. The Eiffel tower. This symbolizes our determination to make travel part of our lives. I was married to a man who was downright controlling, possessive, and hated crowds... he refused to take us on trips, until much later, after he realized he had to make changes if he hoped to keep his family intact. It was needed, yes... but more, the anger and terror had to cease...

Anyway, the Eiffel tower represents our desire and plans for real vacations. And, a cruise or two in the future. Mine include travel for us, two girls... my weekend plan for a Vegas trip with my sisters... and, our interest in an European trip. We need to see the UK at least, if not the continent, and Ireland. And again, a cruise or two... I want a real life. Yes, and romance, too. I have never been off this continent. Out of the US, maybe, but at the age of 3 years old and knee high to a squirrel.. does that count? It was to Victoria BC... Sigh, It doesn't count... not to me. And, I got lost in the Buchart Gardens... how's that for fun trauma for a half-pint munchkin?


Anyway, love from above and plans for fun and travel for the future... what a gift of reminders from my daughter. I am pleased with her choices. And will wear them as best I can... as if they were made of the gold and silver they represent. They are dear treasures to me.

an even better version of his song... please, listen to this one...

one of my gifts to myself for Christmas this year...
was a little music box... which plays, What a Wonderful World.

I've gone into The Tinder Box a few times in the past month... every time, stopping at the music boxes.. there was only one left, playing this song.. it's flawed, but I was more than happy to buy the little box... why? Oh, why NOT?!

I grew up adoring Louis Armstrong.. the great Satchmo.. what an impressive and dear musician he was... I was enraptured by his music and that unique voice coming from his smiling face....

I love this song... so, am sharing it a moment with you...

a song that brings out joy in me.. the reason why I rejoice in life and the world around me... he expresses it well...

listening to this group, tonight...


a rather sad song... and, yet... it's what I'm preparing to say to a friend who just can't let go of his past, his depression, his frustration and sick addictions that are dragging him down.... life is made for joy and living it fully... not tied to past pains, follies and to lies.

Time to let go of an angel? No, I'd hope not, ever... but time to let go of the past, the wrongs, and the demons that harm you....

here's to changes... here's to recognizing that the angels are the ones to hold onto, to love and to revel in knowing... and maybe one day... bettering our souls.

today I put on the Santa sweater dress I'd worn to the concert/holiday party last Friday night.

and, I added my Naughty and Nice panties and knee high socks...

I'll be posting them tonight.

Definitely getting too round for my own good. Going to have to do something about it, for my New Year resolutions. Drop 15-20 pounds of fat in 2015!!!


Hope that you'll like my offerings... bruised and round and soft and all of me and my imperfections..

Tonight I'll be alone with the birds. Daughter's at her father's apartment. I'm going to bed whenever I want to. Will get up when I wish, as well. Hmm, novel thought, that.

First Christmas Eve I'll spend all alone.. ermm, unless you count the pet birds.

today was our potluck and gift exchange at work. And, the third day of feeling kinda like a sick woman.

I placed my gift for my person under the little white tree net to our Supe's desk. He loved it more than I'd imagined... a window sticker of the Seahawk's logo. There are a few of us there at work. At least three alone, on this one team.

I was given mine... standard no.2 pencils, colored pencils, a bag of licorice and a cute cupcake shaped candle in a red glittery gift bag. Adorable.

The potluck was filled with amazing foods... I mean.. AMAZING..and after three evenings of filling this gut to the brim... I'm sure I've gained weight, not lost it, this month. Potluck for the Solstice burn party. A feast at the izza Pie Cafe, with free buffet for Mom with purchase of one adult's meal. And, then, today at work, and another meal later with the kid that stuffed me to the point where I'm wondering how to get rid of all of this... Patting round belly.

My daughter was chortling when she was packaging the gifts for her dad, step-mom and step-brother... well, after I encouraged her to enjoy doing the weird stuff... she wrapped and overwrapped presents. Stuffed them into boxes and taped until they're going to wonder what she was doing.. later, she found the styrofoam popcorn for stuffing our bean bag chair and filled the box with her father's presents with it, then taped it tightly. You should hear the giggles... they sound like a wicked Scooby Doo.

sigh

still sick, but that's life. Sniffles and a bad sore throat... I'm really miserable.
So glad for the 5 day weekend I've got starting tomorrow. And, grateful for a simplified job for a while longer. It helps.

I'm going to go to bed after taking some night time cold meds.

Night

Hmmmm, looks like my mood might be tainted by my cold/flu.. icky bug...

sore throat, burning eyes... nasty nose and

generally feeling sick...

only one day of work left for this work week.

next week I had a request, to give up a day of work and take New Year's Eve off, as well as getting paid for not working on New Year's day.

I'm actually thinking that I NEED all of these days off...

nodding my head, and looking forward to going to bed early again, tonight.

I got wonderfully refreshing sleep last night. I need it again, tonight.

Muah... blowing germ-free kisses to those I love on this place.

G'Night