how many licks does it take for an O??? I'm not sure I'm getting any lately... though my pussy does get amazingly wet, and vibratie afterwards.. does that count?
I just wish I got licked and nibbled, sucked and tongue tickled more often. Lanky does seem to recall how much he loves eating pussy though... Lat night I had to climb up off him asap to avoid a raw feeling slit... hmm, need to make sure I take a nice long shower before he does that again... so he can taste clean soapy meee from ass crack to front, or front to back... I need a good lathing with a tongue.... yummmm

the concert on Saturday night was amazing... our friend, Spencer opened the deal, then Royal Bliss, then, Candlebox. Lanky seemed stunned to realize just who these guys are, and how they've impacted the Grunge, and other forms of rock... Let's face it, the lead was close, close friends of the lead from Pearl Jam. Nods, cool sound... when they show was "over"... it wasn't. They all got on the stage and rocked Pearl Jam and Led Zepplin tunes. It was awesome.
And, no, I didn't go without panties, or in a dress or skirt as I'd thought I would.. I wore my Royal Bliss Tshirt... we left before I could get it autographed. I didn't mind... Lanky had a "friend pop up by our side, she kept smiling up and flirting with him... shoved herself into some other friends of ours... the wife kept complaining about her boney elbows and her purse, and how she'd wielded it at her, to get her to move... I didn't tell her why. I hate explaining about Lanky's player past and how he doesn't seem to get that he got a reputation as a man-whore before I'd ever met him. The woman glared at me, and while Lanky was in the restroom, towards the end... she showed up with her entourage in tow... to find him gone and worked her way to stand next to me... elbowed me in the boob a couple time.. Fuck.. I'd already had that by people with no reason.. add vindictive psycho both with an obsession with a man she hadn't conquered yet... and I wanted to level her right then and there... But when Lanky showed up headed over to me.. I quickly went around her, to find us a new place yards away... yes, she did wend her way over towards us after saying goodbye to the one guy she'd flirted with the most... hoping? I could have seethed over her glares and sickeningly sweet looks over her shoulder towards him... except, he didn't SEEM to notice. I wasn't going to get green over nothing. I HAVE him, sharing my bed, when he could play and fuck and be living the single life again... but, he stays beside me... does what he can to take care of me, thinks of things he, or we, can do for my daughter... and genuinely seems to love holding me in his arms, as we sleep. Why bother allowing a fool have power over me, when she doesn't have any over him? No reason.

Sunday was another day we slept a lot... but later than we'd planned, Lanky had us drive up a canyon. No photos this time... nor a hike at all... but the drive in the cooler air was lovely. Going to bed early helped to a degree. Nods, yes.. another sexual night, after sex in the morning, too. He's still seeming in awe and turned on by my past sexcapades... and he loves to know that my sharing about our experiences... excites a few readers on here. He loves to know that he's part of this place, in my writings. He asked if I ever shared photos of sexual experiences here... and when I said, "No," he asked why... My sex life is mine... yes, I've bared my juicy wet pussy years ago, here... with long thick and glistening threads of it trailing over my body, or from my pussy to outstretched fingers... but I've never shown a cock or fingers, or a face buried in my pussy or suckling or tugging at my hard pink nipples. I know at least three men hoped and thought of it. My first other-than-my-husband, and the next... both from here... and, my Alex... but Alex planned to have us pose in both elegant sensuality; and outright sinfully perfect heavenly loving. We had plans that were never to happen. Now, I've got a man who's addicted to porn, mostly, to written and to verbal, but to all other aspects of it, too. While his fantasies seem to be ruling him more and more... I know it's the addiction aching to be fed... I HOPE that I'm not causing that need to become too great for him... I still worry.

I worry that I'm the absolute worst woman he could have in his life... and, then... I wonder if maybe, just maybe I could be exactly the kind he needs. Good as gold, dear, and tender... loving and caring and wishing I could know and love his children in person, instead of from the sidelines, unknown. And, decadently sinful, dirty, sexy, sexual and hungry. Carnal and lusting and ready to explore his body, and to tempt and train him to provide me ultimate gratification... and, quite capable to feeding his cravings myself... IF he accepts and wishes... IF

today.. it was already over 80 degrees by 11am. Oy!

today, we had an odd morning. Lanky got home just before 1am, after an extremely long and hard day of sodding, hauling water, and fixing sprinkler pipes. I must have brought him into a half sleep when I returned to lay down from a potty break... because next thing I know I'm experiencing his wonderful morning wood and I'm in heavenly throes of passion. Believe me, it's best when there's no fantasies shared, just moans, whimpers and groans... Oh how I love how he moves and fills me... Mmmmm, mmmm mmmmm... GOOOOD morning!!!
We got up to eat, and rested again... two hours later, confused and amazed that shutting our eyes and blinking went by so fast. **sighs while rubbing sleep from eyes**
We all were lazy today, except Lanky... even after hard manual labor, planting sodding, and moving heavy equipment... jobs he's never had, nor done before... he rearranged my kitchen storage, and helped me mix our home made power breakfast instant hot cereal... it's a combination of quick and old fashioned rolled oats, wheat germ, flax meal, sugar, dried fruits and whey protein along with a few other treats to boost a system into long term energy and alertness. He's in the shower now... Mmmmmmmm, images of clean naked Lanky send me reeling... to be honest, I've NEVER seen him naked. Really, honest-to-God truth. It's weird... but true. But he's getting closer to it... I think. Now, he sleeps shirtless, for the first time in years... and I love being able to tangle my fingers in his chest fur... Ummmmmmm
sorry, my thoughts are learing hungrily at image of a wet, naked Lanky in my mind...

Better go before I need a bath or shower again... creamy dreamy isn't the one I want to start out the evening with. I'll be plenty creamy after the concert... well, maybe.... Depends upon Lanky and me...

I wore my concert T shirt to work today... Royal Bliss, of course. Before I'd left for work, Lanky smiled and pointed out that I still need to get it autographed... reminds me that I'd teased him about doing the sign it while it's on me, thing, like one of our friends always does. Her boobs are enhanced... mine are 100% real and sagging more each year as I age... well, it seems that way, to me, anyway... though the other day he'd huskily insisted they're beautiful and perfect. He's not a boob man, he's into legs and had loved mine... though with all the prickles I'm growing they're not so comfy against his scrotum, or other sensitive bits, I've been informed...
This morning I changed the blades on my razor and shaved in my super quick shower... I'll have to take a nice bath tomorrow, to make my body silky satiny smooth. Who knows what I'll do, re the concert... I've suggested I wear a skirt or dress, sans panties so he can enjoy knowing what could potentially be seen by others while we're tossed in the crowd, and... that he could press against nothing but one layer of cloth and my skin, if he decides to touch and hold me, like he used to before I'd been engaged to my dear Alex.
I've noticed that when Lanky wants to hear of men I've been with, who'd had thicker or longer cocks than his... when Alex's name escapes my lips, he gets quieter and shrinks back a bit... I know that's hard on him, too... my experiences with Alex were something he almost worshiped and envied, on many levels... I know he's still scared that Alex's ghost might see us and leave me forever if disappointed in my choices... but, I know that Alex went through too much heartache and loneliness when he was having to start his life over, rebuilding it, due to his own losses in the past... he wouldn't have wanted me to abandon the other man I'd loved, wanted and had a close relationship with... for they both grudgingly respected my love of the other... both wanted my happiness, and both needed me in their lives. Anyway, fantasies need to remain in the background. life and the present need to be lived and richly relished.

Back to today and the upcoming concert... While the work day was coming to an end, I'd been reminded that I'll be SMEing again next week, and was invited to give input at debriefing for the trainees. While out at the training building, the lead trainer of that group called out to me, interrupting other issues, to inform me that he liked my tshirt.. repeating it with a smile.. I really LOVE that shirt on you. I blushed... I do too, since my boobs look lushly full in it, tightly clinging yet, loose enough to be comfy. The shirt displays the members of Royal Bliss much like one of the photos of the Beatles four faces, two above, two below in a square... the lower two disappear underneath the shelf of my breasts even without a bra on. Anyway, I thanked him, and smiled when he informed me that he too loves that band. And, one of the newbies there informed him that I'm getting it signed at the concert this weekend... BLUSHING brightly then, I nodded with a grin at the young man, and walked over to sit with the group. I enjoyed a whole day of being a SME... Specialized Materials Specialist... Like Captain Hooks first mate, Schmee, we're the right hand man, the support to our teams and our supervisors. We represent them when needed, and call out the rules. I'm a Schmeee, I tease many, at work, and sometimes I I'll change it to Schmeegle, adding my precious, later. I enjoy my work, when SMEing, can you tell?

About the concert... It'll be packed in a huge way. There were only a half a dozen tickets left when we bought ours on Tuesday night. I hope to either wear my Tshirt with skinny jeans, to get my boobs autographed...
or, to wear a skirt and blouse or dress that will make him feel envied at being with me, touching me, and being the man I have chosen... And aroused by the thought that I'm the woman he goes home with. He'd better realize what that means, because I'd only planned on one man to live with and love, when I got married... and, then, only one other man who'd made it to where I wanted to live with him more than anyone else in the world... myAlex. I'll always love that wonderful man... but he's on the other side of heaven, and I'm here, in this realm... I'll do what I can to find heaven on earth, to build it up and keep it as mine... for heaven is wherever we feel close to God, and to love. I am a lover, a gentle and loving giving soul... I do not care to become anything nor anyone else. I love who I am, as I am, imperfect, flawed and human, with shortcomings galore... but I know I am loved, am love and can share it with those around me. I'm blessed. I am blessed.

I'll be working on putting together collages of photos that Lanky and I took while together, from last week, and perhaps, many other past photo hunting adventures we've had together... weaving a story into them... photos of him contorted into odd position, to capture a unique view of a subject, and... his photos and mine of those same features and waters... so that our similarities, our love of photography and nature.. and of working in tandem to share our mutual joy with others can truly be presented to the fullest. One last note... he's now and then taking photos of me, and of me with my daughter. Just the last two trips/hikes/explores. I love it. I'm grateful to have him deem our part in his life worthy of noting. I love him, whether he deserves it, or not... then again, I love my friends here, and elsewhere, too. Go figure. I am love. I am filed to overflowing with it, and it glows with the light of the joy and love of living within me.

I can't wait for Lanky to come home to care for his weary body, and to snuggle him to sleep in my arms.

seeing these guys perform again, this weekend... it's their one year anniversary of opening their bar/grill/club, The Royal. I'm proud of them, and I love knowing them personally as good and dear and definitely naughty men
They'll have Candlebox performing with them, phenomenal!!! I can't wait to see both bands there at the absolutely PACKED club!

I love this and so many of the songs that were released on their new album. To me, the music reminds me of some that's on soundtracks for things like 007 movies, etc. Classy sexy mournful. PERFECTION...

so, I now give you Royal Bliss's - Dreamer

how many of you've seen them perform? or heard them on the radio recently? Just curious... they're nationally acclaimed and touring most of the year... LOVE these guys!

Memorial weekend was different than I'd planned, or thought...
you're right... I didn't discuss relationship issues with tall and lean Lanky... things were chaotic, and up and down...

Between me going into debt to get repairs done on my car, being invited to my dad's for Memorial day, and Lanky determining he needed to spend as much time as possible with his kids... and, to finally get that much needed conversation with his ex... I just couldn't have him misunderstand me, presuming that I too was sending him away... I let it go.

We spent time as an odd little family, and, as friends.

The two of us went up the canyon again, to explore another area we'd wanted to see... so much to experience, so many places to capture in frames, forever in action... foam, spray, clear or murky water... mountains rising up from forests and bald rock... and water freezing our skin as we played, and forded them, in sneakers, shorts and tshirts, sunglasses, and both carrying our Pentax cousins in our pockets... I loved it... he and I went through our photographic treasures, later... pointing out visions which delight and awaken senses, beyond just sight... recalling the rushing and roaring of water, the power and force of it as it leaped and plunged into the ever growing "creek." Such majesty, and glory, raw energy and strength... Anyway, I'm going to create the pairings and groupings I'd kept in thought, and he spoke of... I'd done as always, taking photos of him working his way to take shots, of his pose as he shot amazing photos, and... my own view of the same subjects as his... they'll be posed, choreographed and built into photographic treasure... accounts of our hunts.. our search for the joys of life, and nature... I look forward to the challenge of preparing and finishing this project... God's gift to me... a journey with a dear friend who values me as much as I him. I hope to figure out how to add some of these records of adventures in the great outdoors with this friend... here.

On Memorial day my daughter and I drove down to my father's home for their BBQ. Lanky had his with his ex and their children, and apparently their hard conversation was shared around same time.

We've enjoyed sharing fantasies... but I'm going to ask that we tone that down, for, in truth... I want HIM, not a female playmate, or another man... I want one man who wants me, and can be my partner... I know, I know... shhussh, I love this gentle soul.

... to be honest... he's doing more than my ex did most if not all of my marriage, to fill that role. TRUE.

I had my third interview the other day... and on Friday I was off the phones for most of the day, due to both supervisor and team lead being gone all day. I was their representative on the floor. NOT every one of my team mates accepted me as fill in. I was dismissed strongly by a woman who's bitter that I'm being called upon to substitute more and more... but, the way I see it is... I've shown a serious interest. I'm following up and following through. I WANT to gain a role of leadership. I want to fill one and I'm learning what to do and what not to do... to succeed. I WANT and need it.

Lanky and I have enjoyed time without my daughter here, sex and moans so loud I know my neighbors heard me... a night of carnality and sweetness and fantasizing about what turned him on...
like how hard he'd gotten at the thoughts when I'd told him about being part of a grinding dancing sandwich on the dance floor at the big rock concert... sharing his while watching.. hi fantasy of swinging with those friends, or more, of them using me as I use them... while he masturbated his long thick cock... his imagination filled with me being fucked by our friend, of knowing that he and his wife had seen my photos here on NN... his excitement at my admissions of having seen photos of the man's cock on his phone, as well as having felt his cock swell and harden while he held himself against my ass and fingered my slit while grinding as we'd danced as a threesome sandwich... and then his images of me sucking our friend off after being penetrated and him finishing me off as he claimed me later.
We had raw sex...
Sex free and dirty, naughty and strongly hungry...
it was nice to sleep naked and wake just to have sex, caress and rest again, repeat and eventually start the day... things have been relaxed... though a couple times I'd pointed out his need to focus on getting things done as required by probation... eventually perhaps I threw a wrench into the afternoon... he insisted my query re our relationship into his need for changes was shocking and unexpected. But, to me, I feel I deserve to know what he tells others about where he's living, his relationship with me ad if he lets women think he's ready for more with them, or what... my willingness to store his huge motorbike in my little storage unit off site, is grounds for discussion of his intentions for the future and our friendship/relationship...
IF he intends to go back to being a player, no obligations no focus on one fuckmate... he needs to reconsider his thoughts in a huge way.
I can pick and choose if I wish to. Men offer and ask me to consider dating often enough to make me realize settling for complacency and for acceptance of back seat... well, it's FOOLISH and intolerable. I will not be that third wheel again, letting him stay with me and fuck someone else in mind and in plans... even when they didn't pan out, it still doesn't matter... the thought and determination proves he has the right to comprehend that I'm NOT going to support a player who's using me. I have to make it painfully clear this weekend... I HAVE TO, for my own sanity and self esteem.
I DESERVE courtesy. I DESERVE to know I'm being played, used, duped... or valued, wanted needed.
AND...
He deserves to be honest with me, and everyone...
especially with himself. He needs to take responsibility for his choices and lack of same. He deserves to be helped up to an upright position, to asses his viewpoint to get a clear vision of where he's at, where he needs to be... and where he WANTS to be...
And... he deserves to know whether his "best friend" is willing to play the role of fill-in only... or willing to say I'm sorry and walk away, if THAT'S the role he sees me in right now.
I'm ready to know where I am. I'm needing to know if it's the same path I need to be on, or so far off aim that I need to realign myself and let go...

It's time to make changes, for my own good... I know that Lanky will do as he always does... make it seem unreasonable and like the questions are hurtful and untrue...
he does his best to leave me without truths and consider possibilities without proof or guarantees.
I'm now at a point in my life where that only leaves me empty and unsure and ready to walk away crying, and say... YOU chose this, not I... this was what you wanted. You're the one you can choose to hate, but never lay that blame on me. Do NOT say I hated you, or hurt you... do not say I slapped you with it and act as if you'd loved me and valued me when you're unwilling to be honest. I cannot live a lie. I will not lead a life within the shadows.
My life, my love, my future depend upon honesty and trust... without it, there is nothing.

how I loved our gentle hike.. or walk through the mountains this past weekend... for those of you who're "friends" on FB, you've seen a few bits of that glorious area me and mine experienced. How I crave the scent feel and flavor of water in the air.... the sound of it in the rivers and streams... it's fantastically rejuvenating for a mermaid like me. And the mountains and life greening the scenery... absolutely lovely. Oh I love hikes with my Lanky... and the joy the world provides.

I've got so much a Boing in life.. yo-yoing far too much up and down, sorrow and fear, and joy and positive... it gets hard to bear the extremes of this stress. Lanky waffles. This weekend he'd distanced himself again, then blurted out how his probation officer had asked if I was aware I wasn't going to move north with him... his distress over that was palpable. I had quickly softly responded that I wasn't planning on it, and later admitted I'd considered it, for love of him... but I have a life here, yet. I admitted I'm considering not renewing my lease and looking into cheaper housing about halfway to the area they'd originally demanded he move to. My daughter and I need a place we can have a little furry woofing bit of fluff in, for her welfare. We need it soon. We had a passion filled weekend, and after I'd let him know my side he'd given us an intense and lusty night of amazing sex... I mean it... for him and how overworked his lean long body is going through I was worried, but his stamina and desire his release of sorrow fears and anxiety, of his feeling for me, were all there... We needed it and we both talked about how good it'd been, later. I do love this man. There are times when I question this... but I know I distance myself for reasons... and, I evaluate things with good reason as well. I once flew into things impulsively and thought love was more than enough... it's not. And never can be enough. There is too much that can and does go wrong, to make love a simply lost bit of yourself locked into something regrettable.

The weekend was nice... and I'm wondering if the next one will be as well.. who knows... maybe... maybe not.

Tomorrow I've got my third panel interview RE the team lead positions. And a friend is going to bug her boss, because she wants me working there, with her... either way, I've got to make changes and build a future for myself. And, I've got to be wise in the choices that I make.... for now, I'm closing my eyes and recalling glittering spray cascading over rocks and mossy loam... and sunlight kissing the glaciers int he mountains all while walking through lush green vegetation, and smelling sweet blossoms overhead... the joys of life and wilderness and of loving while I can... accepting my temporary existence in the lives of those around me... of holding fast and letting go... and of acceptance that life is an as-is experience... no guarantees of joy and happiness... just that life will keep me on my toes.

and... to be honest... the earlier entry wasn't a dream... but reality. I treasure the moments I have with Lanky.. and have held a few others with a couple other past lovers.. and even with my ex, close to my heart. Their impact, the heat, and lust... the carnality.... and then, of course the sweetness, tender gentle moments filled with connection, light, blissful bits of heaven.

I value those and other moments for their sensuality, for their perfection... for their impact upon me, body and soul...

then again, there are so many more reasons and moments to treasure. I embrace and relish them.... a kiss lushly shared between friends who hold a gentle flame for one another... first awkward, then perfected with desire... moments filled with gentle trust, honesty, and quiet togetherness... the brush of hip against hip, or knuckles brushing, then fingers perfectly entwined... Tears shared, arms protectively encircling... or muscles massaged, and itches scritched... so many perfect treasures to hold in my mind, and carry through time...


Today time was nearly endless at work. I worried over my daughter's second day in a row filled with stomach issues due to her extreme pain... prayers of protection sent out to cover her... and to hold up my towering lover, while he abuses his body with his new job. All, while the computer had issues... bogged down and taking forever to get anything done. But near the end of my work day, one of the supervisors I know, trust and respect... stopped me, and asked me how my interviews went. I told him I thought they went well. He smiled and cocked his head and informed me they had gone very well... to expect good news soon.

I think of all the struggles I experience. The heartaches I still hold far too close. The needs I'm unsure I can fulfill... but then this sort of reassurance and positive lift me. I needed it so.

Time has given me moments to keep as gifts to recall. Time has taught me of value, of love and forgiveness. Time has shown me that patience and determination can carve a new path. God has given me so much... each struggle continues to teach me. I just hope I'll make use of each lesson and share what I've learned in positive ways.

I feel his hands.. roaming over my hip, sliding over the smooth cool cloth of my summer nightie... cloth raises higher to expose my panties and flesh to his fingers and palms... his touch becomes more excited... caresses more insistent, and clearly aroused by the feel of his body pressed against my back... a moan of pleasure softly escapes from my lips at his tender yet hungry touch... My body heating from the inside out... is becoming wet, with anticipation... his touch creates more need pooled between my legs as one hand strokes against my ass and the other hesitates and begins to swirl below my breasts, rising to cup below one, I hear a hiss of need in his breathing... his heartbeat now throbbing against my thigh as his body hardens to my keening and arching in response...

how I ache now throbbing clit and juices spread as I rock against him.... the slide glistening wetness down between my cheeks and onto the soft sheet under my body. My need becomes unbearable as he lifts me gently closer... I rise as he slides my little slip of fabric into my crack then out and off of my body, lifting my legs one at a time to undress me... God, I want him...

My hands slide over him in reaction to his touch.. both of us exploring the other's body, feeling responses and knowing that we each crave and need the other... ahhhh, eyes closed I feel his length against me satiny and hard, spread wide and thick and pulsing against me with each thrust against my skin... he moans into my neck and I know he is ready... Slipping his fingers into my crack, then deeply in between my thick full lips into wet flesh he groans, and pushes into my hole feeling and pressing against the ridged Gspot, and pulls me back towards him... groaning again he slips sticky dripping fingers out to such and lick them, and hardens even more... insistent now, he's ready, but I'm not... not yet. I need his lust and desire to rise higher.
I turn and press breasts nipples hard against his belly and slide down to cup his balls, then lick his thick long hard cock.. sliding it into my mouth, to bring him pleasure... mmm, such a treat... My cream flows more freely as.. after all, I'm a sex maven... I ache for and crave passion and desire... I spin my lips over his hardness, work hands over him and play my lovers body with my own... instrument and bow. He is all I ever want... and unable to take the pressure and need to please me.. I feel him again, lift me, to turn me so I'm straddling his face... lips and teeth tease my lips hanging low and thick dripping and eager... he licks and sucks nibbles and swallows his desired nectar... all while I revel in the flavor of his own..

eyes flutter open as I groan, in need.... how am I to sate the need... I sigh and turn over, feeling wetness pooled in the sheets and drenching my clothes.... I'll finish what the dream of my sweet lover has started...