for those of us who need a break from the guy in our lives??? Umm, BTW that isn't ME.. nu uh.... nope... no way. I NEED time with the guy of MY dreams! BUT... enjoy it anyway.

yes, I know... I'm dreaming again...

what am I saying? I'm on a PORN site...

tired of life

tired of hopes being shattered
of struggling
crying, aching
tired of the fear
tired of trying

I'm coming undone at the edges and seams... Been trying to keep my chin up.. and hoping pix will distract me from the heartaches, fears and trials. It's not working. Nothing is. I spend time with my sister. I get to see my guy in IL almost weekly on skype. I go to concerts with my tall lanky idiot... and sleep with guys who treat me decently.. WHEN I elect to accept one of multiple offers.

But no matter what.. my daughter continues to use me. waste our meager resources. Whine and throw fits... and need my time when it is given to a project or to someone else.. then shuts herself into her room, or leaves to spend her time elsewhere, when I have interest and time or energy to give her.
I feel used, neglected, unappreciated.. and terrified because I still need hundreds for my car's final payment in mere days.. and.. the man who'd been there when I bought it reminded me that it'd had 4 new tires prior to repairs on the window motor. Yet, days after it's return I had to buy two new tires to replace two tires so worn their tread was worn through frayed belts exposed... I feel so helpless.
And don't tell me I'm bitching. Don't tell me to get another job. I'm looking, interviewing and being told sorry. Don't tell me sell something. I have nothing to sell. Nothing to offer. All I have is me.. worthless... empty. Lifeless... me.

hmm, I wore this top to work a few weeks back, for 60's theme day... umm, chewing on lip.. wonder if anyone I know from there... is.. HERE? could be. And if so, that's OK with me...

Anyway, sans bra.. and sorry but you dinna get to see that well enough. I don't do that any more. Just remember pink little nips from days gone by... But a little note before I show you myself in these things...
I grew up the daughter of a Wanna-Be-Hippie. My mother was regally gorgeous... sexy and curvy.. And, she KNEW it. Inside and out. I miss my curvaceous Mother. She taught me to run and play wild and naked in the grass... And though by the time I was a teen, she was tamer and tried to control me... Me... walking around our place naked... She turned her eye to it, and allowed me my peace and self acceptance. These clothes remind me of the freedom from back then.. of women at the Saturday Market, toked out, and stripping themselves naked to the lilting music... And of the amazing colorful lives of the 60's 70's... and hmm, Mine is PERHAPS a gentler calmer reflection of that.. in NOW... Only, I need no drugs or alcohol to induce my freedom, relaxation in being myself... Or the open honesty I share with my love and sex.. I choose whom I share that with... I choose my partner carefully, as I've learned some hard lessons. But I also choose hope and to honor the free love, free life and joy expressed by those who lived fully in those days... Back when I was a kid.

Be sure to enjoy the amazing men and women here, who're sharing a bit of themselves and of their memories and efforts to bare some part of themselves in this blog challenge.. And please be sure to thank the lady who leads these things.. Our beautiful TWL... Sis, you know I adore U!!! Check them al out, PLEASE... and comment.
bighoss2, guitartxn, Whispermyname, Safire13, Northern Star, sidders73, ibhunting, dziga, amancalledpony, BBWBrook, (myself)Dreamingof_U, Firedancer69, jayapplepie, arabella_topaz, VTCali, lennyknatural, rockhard6isback, RoxanneS, sugasweety1, dewberry, LakeFX, private parts, jenjen1018, MissOwl and tight_wet_lips

Now, a bit of me... BTW, I'm proud of this hand crocheted top.. with seashell sequins, red hand-dyed wooden beads, and turquoise.. it's a wearable piece of art for me.

no see ummm..


well, maybe? IF you peek and use your imagination...



sorry I couldn't get it focused right...

watching clouds releasing loads of moisture upon the world around me, out of the glass walls surrounding me, today. I loved seeing it. The darkened sky, gray clouds looking like brush strokes had tugged them... sweeping downwards, wet and broken, pulled apart and letting go of the water I craved upon my skin.

Today I missed my Oregon. The grays and blues of the sky here were a recreation of home for me.

Talking with my dear one on the phone, hearing wipers on glass as he talked of his long day, and of the conversations from work while on his other job, was soothing, too. Words tumbling and again.. cascading in wordy flow. I enjoyed the swelling and playing of life, in motion. Progress, hope, life renewed... Spring is here, isn't it, now? Surely it must be here soon.

today was lovely... blue sky, warm weather.. and time spent speaking with people I treasure. My best and dearest friend, whom I want to be with, more than anything... A sister, my father... and then texts from several friends wishing me a Happy Easter. I sent one out to a man who'd made it clear that he wanted me more than anything, to be his girlfriend.. and, was willing to wait... Just a hi and Happy Easter... it brought him happily to me, for rides on his new sexy motorcycle, updates on his children and questions asked about my own dear daughter.. concern on his face, too... and reminders of reality. Anyway, a long ride, lunch, being held in his strong arms, against his sleepy warm body...
I also got to see the face of the man who is my absolute best friend... watching his eyes linger on my smiles and body as I moved from position to position... I'm kind of incapable of sitting still while on cam. No.. no naughty nakedness. No sexual play. My back is in constant pain, and I shift trying to get into a decent position...
Anyway, today, was indeed... a gloriously lovely day for me...