Had a lovely day. Busy, cause Mondays almost always are. And I had a headache. But it was gorgeous out and I had a very nice hike after therapy. Next week-if things work that way-I'm meeting with my new therapist mid-week. Then my Mondays won't be so busy. And I'll have to pick a different day for my hike. Which is kind of a good thing, because I've noticed the last couple of months, when I come back to my car, my neighbor's ex just happens to be there. And today, he pulled up in his vehicle shortly after I did. Kind of creeping me out.

My on and off lover still talks to me. Even though I've been clear I'm not having sex with him or anyone else. So I guess he does like me, not just having sex with me. But then, I knew him a long time before we ever did anything anyways.

I finally realized that just because a man is polite and opens doors, etc, doesn't mean he's nice. He could just be a polite jerk. And contrary to some males misguided beliefs, not all women want jerks or bad boys. I know I don't.

Not sure how I feel about having my oldest home. I'm used to having the house to myself during school days. I like having the house to myself.

I'm so looking forward to this weekend. Halloween's my favorite holiday. I love playing dress-up. Going to be a kitty this year, with a little collar and bell.

I have a whole half hour before my other one gets home. I feel like I haven't managed my time very well at all today. And all this rainy, gloomy weather's depressing. I'd like to go back to bed but I can't; choir concert tonight. Getting a headache just thinking about it.

One of my friends and I were talking about how long do I date someone before I share with them my mental health issues? She thinks only when you've been in a committed relationship for a time-if ever. I disagree. I mean, I'm very candid about taking meds for adhd and depression. Millions of others take them, too. But I don't want someone to get the wrong idea about me (such as I'm crazy, needing or looking for someone to take care of me, not intelligent, or that I'd hurt myself if things end.) I've had men use it against me, too.

I hear from a few guys I had a causal thing with every now and then. I used to wonder what they wanted. I don't care anymore what they want. Obviously, nothing good and I'm not a 7-11.

I was experimenting with making truffles. I made some with crushed pepper flakes...the ones I coated with a cinnamon/powdered sugar mixture were the best. If I'd known they were going to turn out that good, I would of made more with the pepper. I still have some to make, dark and milk chocolate ones. (Though the milk chocolate tastes suspiciously similar to the dark.) And I'm thinking about making spinach fettuccine from scratch...I've never made my own pasta before so it can be one of my new experiences.

I hate waiting. Her phone (finally) got here about an hour ago. Between getting side-tracked reading online and waiting, I felt like I haven't accomplished very much today. Well, I did write for about 15 minutes. And looks like it's going to be another long weekend-no school tomorrow.

Kind of a blah day. My daughter's phone was supposed to come by fed-ex, and it has to be signed for...and I needed to fill meds that I put off until tomorrow...so after it's too late to run over to my pharmacy, I find out, now it's not going to get here until tomorrow.

Thinking about what to get myself for my birthday. I have a couple weeks yet, but since it usually takes me awhile to make up my mind about things, thought I'd better get started. I don't remember what I got myself last year...usually it's expensive chocolates...but I do remember that night. Which I would love repeating, minus the having a little too much to drink (okay, maybe alot too much) and getting sick which put a quick end to the fun...especially what I was doing before I got sick...funny how vividly I remember that, particularly when in the shower...now I'm distracted. Doesn't take much, though, for me to think about sex.

I was going to spend my morning writing, after getting started on chores. Instead, I spent it arguing with the man I told to fuck himself the night before. I would like to know why men seem more interested in me when I'm mean to them. If I could only be that way with someone when I'm crazy about them. (Thank god those are few and far between.)

Still with the celibacy. It's working for me. So far, for over two months. (That's what toys and the shower are for, right?) Although it's not quite the same. So it's so very tempting to have company over late. It's times like these that my procrastinating tendencies come in handy.

Took the youngest out for dinner for her birthday. Thirteen today. She's been looking forward to this day for over a year because she finally gets to have her own fb and a cell phone.

Got a text out of the blue. Curiosity got the better of me so I eventually asked him what he wanted. Must of just been bored or looking for an ego stroke. (Which he probably found somewhere else seeing as how he never responded back.) If you're not interested in dating me properly or honestly interested in pursuing friendship, I'd rather be left alone. I am not here for anyone's entertainment or ego boost. And when someone says one thing, but behaves another way, that really insults my intelligence. But anyway, I told him to go fuck himself.

Had a really good weekend. Friday, saw some friends from the cities I haven't seen since April. Got hit on by a couple girls...very aggressively by one. She's a really pretty girl, but she's had an on/off thing with one of my nephews, and that's just somewhere I don't go. No family members exes, no friends exes, no exes friends, and no ex-friends exes. And there's one of the cutest couples I've ever seen-two very petite young women-they're always dancing together and making out and yeah, I think it's pretty hot. But I still behaved.

The birthday party was fine. She just had a couple girls over. Rented some movies. I think I was in bed before 11.

My oldest has a job waiting for her after she graduates and gets her license. Thinking about going back to school myself. But paperwork is not my forte...plus I get bored so easily. Short attention span. I probably just need to devote more time to writing.

Having girls' night out. Pretty excited, cause one of my friends who's been too busy due to work and new boyfriend, is finally going with us. Tomorrow is going to be a very long, very busy day (and night) so I'm going to enjoy tonight. But responsibly.

I got stood up two nights in a row. Getting told he was sorry, he'd fallen asleep and he'd make it up to me...well, I was a bit skeptical, it's my nature not to believe alot of what I get told. (I once locked the bathroom door at my grandmother's shop-the kind that come unlocked when you merely turn the handle on them-and shut it from the outside because I didn't think it really locked. They had to take the door off the hinges.) But I thought, hey, it's possible. He works in construction. Long days, hard physical work. So I thought, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. The second time, I told him not to bother with a lame excuse.

So tonight, I'm going out with the girls, going to have alot of fun, and maybe even flirt a little. If I see anyone I want to flirt with.

Wow, this is going to be a long weekend. No school tomorrow. And I'm going to have a bunch of kids here for a birthday party. (Thank god children only have one birthday a year!) But I have lots of advil on hand and my room to hide in if it gets to be too much.

I was going to take a day-or at least part of one-this week to write but other stuff got in the way. But at least I got alot of organizing, cleaning, and rearranging done. My bedroom is even almost neat enough I wouldn't be embarrassed if another person saw it.