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10 Women have boobs

Ok whoever is in charge of making sure
I dont do stupid things is FIRED

Just dont understand women
Everytime i untie them they run off

Was bored today so i went to walmart
Super glued a quarter to the floor
And watched people try to pick it up

Killed an hr mite say im easily entertained

I was in a bar all day and i had to use the bathroom. i was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on Me.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

Damn it hurts to walk today

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

Finally figured it out
Alcohol does not cause hangovers
Sleep does cause i felt great before i went to sleep

Mite have drank to much
But than again
Im sure everyone has parked in the wrong garage

Son went to a strip club last night
When he go home his mom knew and asked
Well did you see anything you weren't expecting
He said yes...Dad

Looks like ill be sleeping on the couch for afew nights