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Laid-back, easy going guy until my passions are aroused. I've been here 3 other times... I keep trying to get it right, I guess. lol
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| Sunday, November 17, 2024, 5:08:33 PM- Everything is not coming up roses | ||
An old lady goes to see a doctor. She tells him "I fart all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. in fact, I've farted about 15 times since I've been here." The doctor gives her some pills to take and tells her to come back in a week. When she returns, she says " My farts are still silent, but boy! do they stink!" The doctor says "Great! Now that we've cleared your sinuses, we can work on your hearing." ~ | ||
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| Saturday, November 16, 2024, 6:33:10 PM- Not even | ||||||
Hired a handyman and gave him a list. When I got home only items 1, 3, and 5 were done. It seems he only does odd jobs. ~ | ||||||
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| Friday, November 15, 2024, 8:01:37 PM- A worthy quote | ||
"It takes two years to learn to speak and sixty to learn to be quiet." - Earnest Hemingway ~ | ||
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| Thursday, November 14, 2024, 7:22:02 PM- That be true | ||||||
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they have no balls to scratch. ~ | ||||||
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| Wednesday, November 13, 2024, 7:23:23 PM- Call soon | ||
Overeaters Anonymous hotline - (88  888-8888~ | ||
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| Tuesday, November 12, 2024, 7:55:13 PM- Egg-zactly | ||
One morning I walked into the kitchen right after I got out of bed. My wife was standing there in front of the stove and a pot of eggs she was getting ready to boil. The only thing she was wearing was the t-shirt she sleeps in. She looked at me and asked me to make love to her right then and there. Not wanting to lose the opportunity, I had her on the kitchen table. The wife then walked over to the pot of eggs with her t-shirt still up around her neck. I asked her why she wanted to have sex in the kitchen and not the bedroom. She smiled and told me the 3 minute egg timer was broken. ~ | ||
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| Monday, November 11, 2024, 8:25:22 PM- Needed info | ||||||
A hacker called and told me he had all of my passwords. I grabbed a pen and paper and told him Great! What are they? ~ | ||||||
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| Sunday, November 10, 2024, 6:57:27 PM- Pro tip | ||
When preparing for a date, always make sure you smell good. Your date's nose will be the first thing you penetrate. ~ | ||
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| Saturday, November 9, 2024, 6:58:26 PM- Waiting | ||
You know you're leading a serene life when your main goal for the day is waiting on dusk to see if the parking lot light has been repaired properly. ~ | ||
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| Thursday, November 7, 2024, 6:58:00 PM- No bones about it | ||
Why can't skeletons make music in church? Because they have no organs. ~ | ||
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