In case of a disaster, put hot dogs in your pockets.

The search dogs will find you first.

~

... on an old adage:

An apple a day keeps everyone away -

if you throw it hard enough.

~

I saw that an old friend of mine still has a land line.

I asked them why,

since even an old geezer like me got rid of mine.

The answer made sense -

they use it to call their cell phone when they can't find it.

~

I see now that taking my dog named Shark to the beach was a mistake.

~

It's Tapioca Day -

which to me is like the liver of meat day.

~

"I like long walks,

especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

- Noel Coward

~

Geezer alert!

AC is down at my place and I'm using fans to cool the place.

So until it is fixed,

anyone knocking on my door will have to confront a 72 yr. old male

in nothing but his undies.

You have been warned!

~

A man stopped one night to listen to his 4 year old daughter saying her prayers.

At the end she asked God to bless mommy, xxxxxxxxx, grandma and said goodbye to grandpa.

He thought it was strange...

and then grandpa died the next day.

A few weeks later, he once again listened to his little girl's prayers.

This time she asked God to bless mommy, xxxxxxxxx and to say goodbye to grandma.

The next day grandma died and he started to worry.

About a week later, after listening in on his daughter,

he heard her ask God to watch over mommy and to say goodbye to xxxxxxxxx.

The father was now afraid.

The next day he went to work, staying late so that he wouldn't be home until after midnight.

He drove home carefully, feeling better as he pulled his car into the driveway.

Opening the front door, his wife rushed into his arms sobbing.

He sought to sooth her, saying it was okay, that he had arrived safely.

Still crying, she looked up at him and told him, in a shaky voice,

that their postman had had a heart attack and died that day.

~

Therapist:

Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?

Him:

To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

~

When people say "You look so familiar",

responding with

"Were we in prison together?"

It's almost always a conversation stopper.

~