I won the lottery! I married a movie star! My novel is being published!

Yeah, I'm not very good at April fool's jokes.

~

Sometimes you just can't turn away.

Whenever I see someone in obvious pain, I can't turn my back or look the other way.

I have to do something, if I can, to help.

The kindness of strangers can pull someone through a rough or tragic time.

Be ready to give of yourself.

Why else are you here?

Surely not just for self satisfaction & procreation.

~

When I got married, a marriage license in my state cost a whopping $5.00. Today I'm told it has doubled in price to $10.00.

A pretty good deal on the surface.

BUT -

Getting a divorce (YAY! I have one of those!) gets costlier the longer you remain hitched.

Mine not only cost me five figures in $$$, it also affected my credit rating, my insurance rates and my living situation.

Not the deal I signed up (and donated blood) for.

I'm not soured on marriage. I still maintain it's a fine institution if you can find the right match for the two of you.

My idea for going into a marriage is fairly simple:

Make it harder to get into, say 10% of your combined incomes to obtain a license and easier to get out of financially - the previously mentioned $10.00. All assets split right down the middle. Children going to whomever can best afford to keep them and no alimony.

That's it. Just my opinion.

As with everything else, I'm not holding my breath for government to listen to me.

~

What is a small phobia you have?

Example:

It bothers me to watch someone ELSE brush their teeth. Spitting out the toothpaste makes me gag almost.

Backstory:

In my early 20s, a buddy of mine and I picked up a case of beer and drove to the drive in. When we still had those for outdoor movies.

We knew a couple of girls who worked there and were waiting for them to get off work.

The movies that night were gory ones - we got there at the tail end of the first movie, which was about zombies.

My buddy went up to the office to check on when the girls would be available, so I settled in, opened a beer and started watching the next movie.

The plot was fairly bare: Construction workers hassle little boy's older sister, so he injects rabies into a couple of pies and gives them to the workers. All Hell breaks loose with the workers.

Pretty boring, right?

Well, the guys are chasing the girl and her brother around (yeah, that plan didn't work the way he thought). They get into a car and lock the doors. One of the now rabid workers jumps on the hood and is screaming at the two inside the car.

And then it happened...

Just as I'm swallowing a drink of my beer, the guy on the hood opens his mouth and all of this foamy bile comes out of his mouth, running down his chin and dripping on the windshield.

I gagged and spewed beer out of the window of our car.

Since then, I can't watch anyone brush their teeth.

I know the cause and someday I'll have to make myself get over it.

But for now, I simply avoid seeing it.

There, that's one of mine.

What's yours?

???

Flannel sheets -

Yay or Nay?

?

I reconnected with the love of my life from 40 years ago on FB recently.

We have been sharing old memories of our time together.

Today the conversation got a bit intense, like about our breakup.

It took me 40 years, but I'm finally mature enough to handle talking about those events.

~

Were I a rich man, I'd ask her to marry me:


:O

If a clown farts,

does it smell funny?

I received an angry email from a young lady I know, calling me a perverted bastard.

I answered back asking her why.

There was nothing wrong with most of the message, but the closing made me see how she could get angry.

I told a little joke 'If a clown farts, does it smell funny?'

Perfectly innocent, right?

After the joke I wrote "This makes me think of you." I had intended on putting (wink - wink) after that to show I was being funny.

Well, what was there in print could definitely make a casual acquaintance angry.

Instead of (wink - wink), it read (wank - wank).

I wrote back and sincerely apologized, blaming my mistake on auto-correct.

She forgave me and all is cool now.

Two things came to mind later:

1. I don't use auto correct.

2. The 'i' and 'a' are pretty far apart on the keyboard.

Was it possibly a Freudian slip?

I think that from now on I had better do a butter job of prufreading before I hit send.

~

On my way home from work last night, I was passed by a three wheeled dune buggy.

It had cool blue running lights all around the frame and white lights in the wheels.

It almost felt like being passed by a UFO.

Since I don't have my phone turned on when I'm driving, I have no picture of it.

You just have to take my word for it.

Tres' cool!

~