A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
Dear Lord,
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes,
fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,
then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balance the check book.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry,
vacuum, dust, and sweep & mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework,
then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished,
he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back.
Amen
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh
blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about
where he got it. He told them to bugger off and let him get some sleep, but
they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me", he said, and flew
out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley
they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed
down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out
for
blood. "Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES,
YES!" the bats all scréáméd in a frénzy. "Good!" said the vampire bat,
"Because I f****** didn't."

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day.

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea

AFTERNOON TEA
1 tub of ice cream with chocolate topping

DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size pizza
3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Then came the rabbit.

After a day spent partying and racing snowmobiles in the wilderness, a group of snowmobilers headed back to their cabin.
Up popped a jackrabbit!
The snowmobilers gave chase.
Several collisions were narrowly averted, and all snowmobiles backed off... except one.

This snowmobiler kept his eye on the quarry and rapidly closed in.
The rabbit darted aside to save itself.
The snowmobiler closed in again.
The rabbit ran toward the road, where there was less snow. Trying to ram his rabbit before it crossed the road, the man accelerated to Mach 1.
But the rabbit had other ideas.
It escaped into the culvert beneath the road.

Witnesses stated that the snowmobiler never braked.
There was a metallic crunch as the accelerating vehicle rammed into the culvert, followed by a blast that shattered the snowmobile into a thousand bits.

This brand of snowmobile had a fuel tank mounted in front.
The culvert admitted the tip of the snowmobile, then cut into the cowling, spilling fuel over the hot engine.
The body of the snowmobiler was blown twenty feet back into the field.

The rabbit's whereabouts was unknown.

I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line.

But, you didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.



I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk.

But, you didn't see me, playing Santa at the local mall.



I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant.

But, you didn't see me, attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.



I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by.

But, you didn't see me, riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.



I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children.

But, you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.



I saw you stare at my long hair.

But, you didn't see me, and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.



I saw you roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves.

But, you didn't see me, and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.



I saw you look in fright at my tattoos.

But, you didn't see me, cry as my children were born and have their name written over and in my heart.



I saw you, change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere.

But, you didn't see me, going home to be with my family.



I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be.

But, you didn't see me, when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.



I saw you, yelling at your kids in the car.

But, you didn't see me, pat my child's hands, knowing he was safe behind me.



I saw you, reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road.

But, you didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.



I saw you, race down the road in the rain.

But, you didn't see me, get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.



I saw you, run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time.

But, you didn't see me, trying to turn right.



I saw you, cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in.

But, you didn't see me, leave the road.



I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.

But, you didn't see me. I wasn't there.



I saw you, go home to your family.

But, you didn't see me because, I died that day you cut me off.



I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family.

But, you didn't see me.





EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE

AND TAKE A FEW EXTRA SECONDS TO BE SURE WE'RE NOT IN 'YOUR' WAY !



LIVE TO RIDE . . . . RIDE TO LIVE

One summer, a college student gets a job cutting trees in Northern Canada.
Not long after he arrives in the camp he asks one of the old hands what they do for some action.
"Not much action up here," the old hand says, "unless you fancy the cook, Wong."
"No thanks, I'm not into that shit," the student replies.
Days turn into weeks. College boy can't take it any more, so he approaches the old hand and asks,
"If I were into that shit, how much would it cost?"
"$50," the old hand replies.
"$50? for Wong?"
"Well $10 for Wong," says the old hand. "Then there's $20 for me and $20 for my partner."
"You and your partner? What for?"
"We hold Wong down. He's not into that shit either."

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact:
"Mary. Mary."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast,off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.
Then I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon.
After supper, golf course again.
Then have sex until late at night.
The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."



"Not exactly.I'm a rabbit in Norfolk ."

A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought.
He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.
Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
"Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.
He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look but of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

Bedtime Prayer for Women

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One whose thingy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens my door,
Massages my back & begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask 'How big's my behind?
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the tub, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the jackass you sent me instead.
A-man.

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

People born before 1936 were called the Depression Generation.

People born before 1946,The Silent and powerful generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X
And people born between 1980 and 2012 are called Generation Y
Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
Well,



Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?





But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below...