another link to my googlecloud.. photos from my trip up the American Fork Canyon.. I've tested them, they work.. what do you think?

[url]https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ov0LGgQ2Om06SAAQDYhxYXZD7oNzxBVjGQ/view?usp=sharing[/url]

[url]https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GhbGST3JtKKNNNmUCg9JoqjMV5eL5jRifQ/view?usp=sharing[/url]

today my daughter stayed home from work, another day with no voice. It was also her initial appointment with her new PCP. I'm glad she found her... a woman who dove right into my kid's case and advised us of a plan to get her help from specialists as well as herself. Another appointment is scheduled in two weeks to work on depression and anxiety. She plans to refer her to a rheumatologist and Ob/Gyn.

I intend for us to take better care of ourselves from now on. Shrugs.. I guess that means I need to find myself a doctor too... I will eventually.

I'm so tired and so unsure of what I write or say... I hope I'm making sense at all...

sleep is trying to shut my mind and body down...

I'm hoping I can get through this... "I wanna just have wild sex and I'm not sure I care about the consequences" sort of urge.

Sliding fingers around my nice jelly vibe dildo... gotta say I'm glad I've got this "friendly playmate" energized for a while

I spent my morning today, lounging and resting until I decided to cal my sister back after a trying day yesterday.

Yesterday I was lazier than today by far.. stayed naked and in my bed until well after noon. My daughter had spent the night at her cousin's apartment, helping with the wee ones... three under 3 years old - the youngest being just over a week old. I was waiting to be honest, for a call or text saying, "come get me NOW, please?!!! but nothing. I'd even asked what she wanted to do and when she was wanting to come home.

Anyway, I finally showered and got ready very late for a concert to support my friend, Spencer... again, yes.. and I'll continue over and over as long as he's asking his fans and family, friends and backers to come to these CD release performances... This was at his family's own restaurant, a wings and chicken, booze and sports kinda place... I got lost, went north on the highway instead of south, then wrong way again. being lost...for me is far too easy to do... second nature? habit? I dunno... I was distracted to say the least. My sister in Wisconsin had called while I was busy and left a message.. For HER to leave a message is rare, so rather than wait to listen I hit call. She asked if I'd heard about one of our paternal aunts being hospitalized that very day... her heart. I listened and pulled over to the side of the road, told her about the plans to see my friend's performance and how I was pushing an hour already as far as being late.. for a 2 hour performance. She asked me to find out more and to call back. I called Dad, and hit up another aunt on FB, and commented on the post my cousin had made that started everything I'm sharing... I finally got myself together, texted my daughter and then got myself moving forward again... deciding I needed to eat my first food of the day(after 6pm).
so I headed on the right track.. trying to hold back tears of frustration and worry. I went round in circles for about 1/2 hour still busy handling phone calls and then got my GPS going on my phone enough to realize I'd passed the place at least four times already.

I got there, sighed and heaved myself across the parking lots in through the door after being blown to bits by the wind and rain, then found a friend who asked how I was doing.. I told him what I had just learned and looked around to find an empty chair at a long table that was recently cleared of people...

I ordered fries and a soda to sooth my nausea from concern. The performance was lovely. I realized I'd passed Lanky at the bar, and that had I not told him about this.. he wouldn't be there at all. But Spencer and he were friends at one time... so I'd wanted the two to get time. Anyway, the music was wonderful... like usual. Spencer at one point introduced one of his all time favorite songs, "Crazy" and looked at me for a moment and said, this is the only positive song I've ever written about a woman," then smiled and said, "Dawn, go ahead, eat it up, it's all I've got so far." I was stunned, and Lanky chuckled out loud.

I think I'll have to point out another one that while sad is lovely about another woman, too... Anyway, I enjoyed being there in the room with people who love that man and the other amazing men in that band. All so incredibly talented. Afterwards, some of his nephews and nieces toddled over and tackled him... People took photos of him loving on those kids and them loving him back. Two of the littlest boys went to the keyboard and the next thing I see and hear is the 3 year old, crooning in a raspy harsh voice... singing Crazy, tapping his foot and moving his head, just like his uncle. I took a few photos of that cute micro sized version of his musician hero... I'll email them to him, later.


Yesterday I'd talked with my dad, who's still struggling to talk let alone eat or drink after chemo and radiation therapy on his facial cancer. He told me of the fears of his doctors when he'd complained about pain in his lower back... cancer like this kind... facial. The same kind that took my sweetheart back to the other side of life... it spreads and morphs so fast. No cancer, just a real kidney infection... like my kiddo. Dad asked about my daughter's kidneys and I told him of the delay of her appointment to see her first PCP in years. I told him that no news after the Urgent care had run secondary testing was good news as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, I got good news about my aunt. Emergency surgery worked well... and that my sweet cousin in the UK had spoken with her afterwards. Dad and my Angel-Mom were planning to go to the hospital after church today. I haven't though tot call them yet.

Today, I texted friends and family, wishing them well, letting a few know how much they mean to me. Some knew about my aunt and asked after her.

I posted something on FB about how I feel about that place... addictive. But then explained that without it we, my family who're spread across the globe, wouldn't have known about this precious loving woman and her plight if we didn't have that site to be on. Spencer sent a hug that way... and I couldn't help but respond. He's got healing in those arms. He's too loving, like me... anyway, I've needed all the hugs I've gotten the last few weeks... and I'm grateful for friends and family who truly matter to me... here, on NN... here, in Utah, everywhere.

Today, I texted so many people of my gratitude, joy and appreciation. I got some replies that were sweet and some very brief... One called and asked about hanging out. I agreed. A man I really don't see as all that appealing. He's a social worker who picks my brains too much. But we went up the American Fork Canyon... up to the Silver Lakes up there... and above. I took so many photos with my little phone. I'm not sure how to get them all onto the computer yet, but I'll figure it out soon. I loved the vistas... the trees, the water, the sky filled with puffy clouds clinging to the tops of snow covered mountaintops... caressing blue sky.
Nature's perfection.

Wooo, I just peeked at my google drive and noted that they're all uploaded on the internet. Very cool! I'll just edit them online, and get them ready for posting. I'm a-loving this!

My girl was blue that I ended up gone for about 4 hours today. I simply said I'd needed to get away and that I plan on taking her up there some time, too. Thing is, I don't have a vehicle with 4 wheel drive and I'd need to have that in order to take the rough terrain. I'll explain that to her later. For now, I'm peeking at you, here on NN, and editing photos of nature.

shaking head... by the way, I went wonky at the concert.. I'd taken $200.00 with me, to return hom with my arms loaded with black clothing, stickers a necklace (a gift from the lead singer of American Hitmen) and a copy of the CD the below song comes from... and $45.00 of the original funds. *sigh*

One pair of panties and six fan gear shirts. Just letting you know what MAY be coming to my photo gallery...

mmmm these guys were at the concert last night. Had never heard of them until recently when seeing their name on the posters for Wayland and this particular concert here, in SLC Utah. Acidic sounded great in person. The percussion and the bass where what'd gotten to me. This if from their new album, CREATURES

last night was interesting... it was good. I got to the club very early, intending to hold down a table on the dance floor... ended up being invited by Spencer, to sit with him, up at the bar. He was finishing up his dinner and I ordered sweet potato fries and shared with him... we talked about relationships, broken dreams and rebuilding ourselves.. he asked about my last names, both posted on facebook.. when I got divorced, and about my email address name...

seems he's been exploring my pages there, and wanting to know more about me. He talked about his philosophies and stated that he's no longer looking for a relationship. Just to hang out... because somewhere along the way, he asks a woman to marry him and she always said no... then married the very next man. I understand, I relied. I told him that I believe in free love.. not sure he'd understand my version of the phrase.. mine is more that in order to be me.. I must love someone in some way and on some level... as well as both appreciate and have a sexual attraction to him, so that I can dare share myself with anyone again... I'll also need him to prove he's interested in my friendship and time.. not just fuck, we're done, roll off and expect us to part ways immediately...

He started to stop playing knee brush knee with me and stated that he couldn't just stay at any bar for very long... I understand. Before he left I asked if he was coming back. He said he would. I hoped he'd come back. I wanted to hang out with him if I got a chance. I want to know more about him.. who he truly is inside.

Anyway.. the music and performances were wonderful. My friend Dawn and her hubby arrived much later and we found a booth upstairs, they shared their plates of food with me.. yummy as always. we worked our way downstairs after the first group finished and the second began... and chose to be up front and in the middle of everything. I occasionally noted Lanky... ex-roomy/lover.. and remains-to-be-proven friend was being hit on hard by women.. and that Corky from the radio show was right beside him, both having a great time. I toddled over now and then to just say hi. He mentioned how surreal the evening was and refused to go further..
smiles, I actually understand.. he was jealous and at times even angry with me at times in the past, that as a woman, I could be hit on by who knows how many men... maybe flirt a little and then just not focus on the guys... anyway.. all of the attention he got... that had to boost his lust level as well as ego to the sky.

My musician friends, who're truly friends, seemed to realize we really ARE no longer together.. they came up with more hugs than normal, danced with me and checked on me from time to time.. that meant a lot to me. Spencer seemed ready to take me home...How I wanted to tell him yes, only not my home... been far too horny sexually pent up and lonely.. he's one of the only men I can imagine wanting to experience sex with as a musician, friend and local man. I've fantasized about it for over a year actually.. ever since he'd mentioned huskily how he'd seen me dancing.. sandwiched between the couple that now are no longer my friends... in hindsight.. I think he was hoping for it too... He'd showered before coming back to the club, and kept wandering over touching or grabbing me.. sat with me at one point too.

Maybe another opportunity will arise for me to test... I wouldn't walk away from him, if he wanted to explore... I just want to feel sensually appealing and experience someone I like, taking me to climax and wanting me and my pleasure...

maybe, one day...
someone will get past my barrier and show me how aroused I cause him to be, by simply being me.