time changes our lives... and friends come and go and so on...
spring is making all the beasties around us here, as
twitter-pated as can be...
including us human beings... have you noticed?
My WORD...

Gonna need to be careful...

the weekend was slow, very little achieved as planned... but it was unseasonably warm, and it was fine.

I got to hug a friend to bits... a joy to meet in person and learn more about the man I've come to know here, on FB and now, in person. He's dear. I enjoyed our time talking by the creek, in the shade of large cottonwood trees and watching and hearing the Canadian geese as they wandered through.

I loved the gifts he gave me... not just tangible but of time and real friendship.

I am lucky... I have REAL friends here, on this place. Not just those who're looking for distraction or sexual play.... I know most of my friendships probably START off that way... but when they have value and respect me for ME>.. it is far easier for me to love them and have a lasting friendship.

Memories come into play in my mind at times... today I went through profile photos on FB and tears hot and salty ran down my cheeks. I've lost so many family members whom I'd loved... and meant so much to me... I've lost so many dreams.... and had so much happen to me, even just since I joined this place the second time around....

but still, I am grateful for memories sweet and full of concern and caring. I am grateful for love that I have in the friends I've found here and other sites.

I feel so lost at times... so unsure... and then, a little piece of strength is resurrected and I realize that my ability to not just survive and barely live... but to LIVE love and forgive... are blessings rare for someone with a history like mine.

feeling better today about how things are looking. Got a text from a friend I haven't heard from or seen since my birthday. She's a sweetie.

I'll call her back later.

I'm working on decluttering the apartment today. Going to call the pet shop out in Tooele about taking 4 baby midget budgie parakeets and their full sized daddy off my hands. Mommy is getting along just fine with my daughter's 4 year old female now.... they can stay together. They're decent little friends and now Mum bird isn't loud and terrible. She's decent and worth keeping, I guess. so long as daughter will do better taking care of two than 7 Budgerigars.

Budgies are those store front cheap little twittery birds that seldom anyone takes the time to tame down. But if you do, they'll twitter, sing, talk and snuggle and play with you. These ones, however.. for some reason were hatched as micro birds.... seriously tiny little critters, the size of a finch or small canary.


I'm done feeling like my lungs are full of dust when I've been around these little guys. I'm tired of needing to walk out of my kitchen wheezing, because of cleaning their cages and I've never understood why my daughter fought with me over getting them OUT, not caring what price we got out of them. I just need them gone, since they've been ready for homes since January.

*sigh*
damned sex drive... keeping me awake and hungry for a man in my bed.. oh well. vibes and dildos will have to do.

The Seahawks might have lost the game, but going down to The Royal was nice... We enjoyed garlic fries that once in a while burned my tongue with straight garlic. Shared a White Russian and that combo of Fireball and Angry Orchard... Angry Balls... Yumm, all while eating and enjoying the active game and during breaks, the drawing of names and numbers form tickets, for Jerseys and loot. I won a Tshirt. I chose a Fireballs one. I'll post a photo or two of it on my naked body, later... and then was told to go up and grab what I wanted by one of the bartenders. I took one of the red Fireballs baseball caps I'd been tempted to bid on on eBay. Later the same tender handed me a medium men's Fireballs T shirt with the definition of bartender on the back. Love it, too. I'd already gotten an XL men's Budlight commemorative T, with the Superbowl year and logos on it. I'll wear it to bed as a night shirt...
Got flirted with by an absolutely smashed sax player I've appreciated for his unique style. And Wooops, forgot, I need to toddle down there tonight for open mic for a bit. He'd promised me a CD of his latest music. Jump back out of bed and my jammies to get my body down there.


On another note... I've got an NN friend coming from out of town who's offered to take photos for and of me for the site and for my own personal use. I'm needing to come up with some poses to try with him behind one or all of my cameras. We've already got a couple or so ideas set. He's the first man I've said yes to that's following through...
anyway, any suggestions?

Cymatics.... impressive to me.. and let's face it, entertaining. I'm sure some of you have seen this video, and others like it. Still something cool about the efforts and results.

I plan on shaving my pussy and legs until they're silky smooth, as if possible. I tend to leave stragglers here and there, no matter how much time and care I put into the job... this is just part of my preparations for the game, tonight.

I might take a couple photos of myself in my new shirt and nothing else as in the past, as well. Kind of need to prove my loyalty to the Seahawks, right?

On a weird side note: I miss Osprey. I grew up in and lived most of my life in the Willamette Valley, and got to see them a lot, at their famous inland site, on the shores of the Willamette river, and when I'd lived in the Corvallis,OR area.

I'd loved watching them dive down and swoop up fish from a large beaver pond in the Adair Village area, just north of Corvallis. I loved knowing that these Sea hawks could be found so close to my home. I realize now how much I took my own land for granted. I too had a little dammed up marsh/pond on the property I was renting to own. I had every other form of wildlife you could imagine that was indigenous to that area, living and hunting on it. From elk and deer, mice, gophers, snakes and cavies, to Great Blue Herons, bats, foxes, bobcats, coyotes, Meadow Larks and so much more... I wish I had sat by pond to watch them all come out and explore the land THEY owned. I wish I had seen my elk moving about and checked for Osprey down there as well as my herons. I wish I had stayed, to own it for the rest of my life. But I can't go back now.

So, every time I'm cheering my SeaHawks... I'm, for a moment anyway, in a place in my memories... watching them flying, swooping, diving and catching their steel heads and salmon from the river, and trout, crappies and steelheads from the pond, while I was happily fishing in my own human way on the shore.

I miss those graceful and gorgeous birds. I miss the west coast. I miss the waters I could find seemingly everywhere, and I miss the ocean that was mine...
I figured, after all the times it tried to take me off my feet and dragged me out to sea, the sea and I belonged together... that I must be a misplace mermaid or something... this was in the mind a child the age of 6. As a woman, I still call water my home. I need the sound the spray on my skin and the sight and smell of it. I need it more than so many things I thought I needed. A simple thing that for some reason I thought of when I think of the mascot of one of my favorite NFL teams. I think of the west coast.... the home to my heart and soul.

Life is interesting, isn't it?

We struggle, we watch those we love in their struggles and trials... We ache for our own pains... and I hope that we ache for them as well. I know that I do.

I read messages, emails and blogs about the trials of some of the people I adore and I think about my issues and set them aside, thinking this is NOTHING, compared to what he or she is going through...

I have to at times remind myself that each of these trials and challenges is a lesson. Life is full of lessons from which we can learn. If only we recognize the opportunity in front of us. Only then can we discover the key was in our own hand all along, just open that fist, and look at the key that unlocks the answers to the puzzle this lesson was crafted from.


I am at fault in so many things. I'm a poor excuse of a friend in so many places and times I've neglected or hurt someone who's mattered dearly to me. I recognize how petty a person can be.. including me.

I want to be a better version of myself. Oh I hope that I can improve.... so each day, I'll study the experiences the conversations the opportunities to help or bring a smile to someone who's struggling.

To me, this is the only way I can redeem myself... improve myself and how I affect those around me. I love my friends, I love my family. I love my coworkers. And... I love me. I need to always listen to how people see me. What character traits I can work on perfecting, improving, altering, to make me a better version of ME.

I've discussed that before with friends and coworkers, and family, too. Let's face it, we all slip or get lax and forget that we need to learn from our mistakes. We get to pick up the pieces of the puzzle and try to put them back together. We get to stand up, dust ourselves off... and lift up those we've harmed and dust them off and embrace them, too. Thank them for tolerance and love.
I know I've discovered the need more and more, the longer I live... the more than I learn... and the more I discover how I've changed in both good and negative ways.

As I've said for years... life is for learning. Life is for loving and for us to experience joy. Life is a process, a journey, and and as we learn and grow and work to better ourselves...

we're in the process of Evolution of Soul.

Love
Learn
Grow
Evolve

have joy!

birthday ended fine for my daughter... still think it's totally cool that we'll be celebrating my 50th and her 25th next year. I am looking forward to it, already.

She got a surprise from my friend, yesterday. Unfortunately she was too far into dream land to get up and excited about it. A Seahawk's lanyard, bright green, even... Good choice for my girl who loves neon everything. He knows her well, to tell the truth. Anyway, I'm glad she's mine...
and she's doing fine with training at the education center where we work. She'll get her first paycheck on Friday, ahd it'll be close to as much as she used to get for two weeks of work, with only one there. She still is clueless about full time work and pay. She'll learn soon.

Meanwhile I'm working my job. Will be reaching out to the law firm that's got my debt in their hands, to try and make arrangements outside of the courtroom, if possible. I hope it's not too late.

have you ever wondered why life is such a roller coaster ride?

*sigh* maybe if it weren't we'd have no UPS?

oh well...

today's my only child's birthday. I hope I made up for the bad way it'd started. We're doing the day backwards... you know started with dinner, went to dessert then to breakfast... okay, so just forget that and let me do it this way.

My daughter had a modeling outburst.. got nothing but clothes for her birthday.