I'm sure nearly everyone captures that amazing skyline fantastically. But I wanted to share a smattering of my view of a place I found I could easily love as my second home.

this is my favorite view of the skyline...

but he did take a couple of us, in bed, just our faces peacefully smiling and close... using his phone. I'm not sure I'd share that anywhere to be honest... but if he suggested perhaps I would. As things are, I'm thinking of sharing one of the two of us, taken before a tour cruise on Lake Michigan. It wouldn't be on the blog for long, just because it's well... of US. And I'm still getting used to the thought that we were really together and how sweet it was to just be together. We did get a little intimacy the first 24 hrs. But after that we just slept together, and tried to deal with no ketchup on a hotdog. He's got hygiene issues... kinda OCD, but he's never been a dad who's just grateful to get any(smirks). I still don't expect much to come of this, other than two people loving one another as friends who desire one another and who see the good in one another. That is enough for now.

He's insisting I need to go back soon. Said he owes me a few experiences. To go to the planetarium, and other spots... A musical there, as well, to begin with. I also happened to listen to him as he said he was going to miss my smiles(taking video of me all the while... on the beach our last few hours together)It wasn't easy to smile as often as I was... it'd hit me hard, how much I'd miss his fingers lifting my chin, snuggling close in bed. Kisses and tenderness... and his soft spoken reminders that I'm wonderful, well loved and easy to talk to, easy to love. He thinks I speak with everyone as openly as I do with him. He believes he's no different than anyone else I chat with or have spent time with. If only he knew. Yes, I know I am honest, sometimes sharing too much. And that I'm loved for who I am. I hope t prove how much what we have means to me... but who knows if or when I'll succeed at that. Anyway, I got time with him. I got to share my love with him. And I tried to express my feelings to him clearly. I'll treasure the good. and I'll hope to be a happier me for at least a while longer. I miss him already. His body warm and hard against my too soft and fluffy one... and his arms wrapped around me, lips pressed against my forehead, while he chuckled and smiled. I miss that closeness and comfort in sleeping together. But that's OK... I can look forward to it. I know how we feel together. If we never experience it again, I'll still be able to enjoy recalling how it felt. Anyway... I'm sleepy. ANd trying to stay up late enough to call him as he's driving to work tonight/tomorrow early early in the morning(midnight my time). I might share more... later.

had to check in for my return flight home. Four days isn't enough time. Not even close, but we've both been sleeping, resting and relaxing together. What a great thing to take care of each other. Smiles... Healing together in a way. Anyway, we're spending very little time sight seeing. And staying in the room. I'm loving his arms around me, strong long fingered hands entwined with mine. So peaceful.

tomorrow morning I'll wake my kid up super early, so we can have a little time before my ride gets to the apartment. I'm glad he's driving. My check engine light on this finally-paid-off car, went on this morning and hasn't gone off. I'm NOT happy, since I've also got a bearing that needs replacing, repacking or a new boot at the least. I will have to deal with that, later. I just don't have time for that kind of stress right now. It's that kind of thing this weekend might help me leave behind, and let go of for a moment. *sigh* shaking head with a wry smile... it also might be two sick and achy bodies snuggling up to one another, and just talking, touching and being together. That too can be relaxing if we put our minds to it. It is a chance for enjoying being together in person. It's an opportunity to set aside or everyday issues, and just be ourselves, and get to know each other even better. Funny... today he told me that back at the time I'd taken and posted my body stocking pix... he'd shown photos of me in it, to his boss... he'd told the man we were just friends. Today was the first time that he'd gotten it through his boss's head that that girl and the one coming to him were the same one. The boss informed him that I was a woman who still wasn't sure how much she liked him and was coming to see if she felt he was worth more. Curious. LOL... I know that I like him. I know that I care about him. And I know I've enjoyed a wonderfully interesting and deep friendship with him for, what at times seems decades, and others, just a few short months. I like him most certainly. And yes, I am going to him to see if there's something even more unique and possible between us. To be honest, it's not just like, and he and most people can easily pick up on that. But unlike many I tend to hold myself back reserving that sort of letting go and fully sharing myself until I feel it's right. Some have never known my true fire and passion. And some have been fueled by mine to experience what they'd claimed to be amazing, incredible, hot, and more than they'd ever thought they could do. I don't know about that. But I do know that I hold back most of the time for the past year or so. But this weekend.. if we're up to it... and if it's right... we can experience all that have to give and extract from one another. It takes trust and desire, and responses filled with passion and trust, mutual caring, can play a part of it, too... and when two souls touch and heat and ignite it can be a dazzling thing. I don't expect that to happen, but if it does... I'd be pleased to share it with this man that I hold dear. Thing is, it's the honesty and emotional exploration as well as more deeply satisfying closeness and testing further, being so close we can sense much, much more, than when we're skyping, or talking on the phone. Anyway, I only have just over 14 more hours before I need to be at the airport, ready for my flight. Bags packed, and everything is going to be in order, once this is shut down, and placed in the bag...

Enjoy the weekend my friends. And I'll share... later.

today I bought TSA approved locks in case I chose to fill a suit case and just a laptop case and my purse as carry on. Still might switch it all up come to think of it. Cramming rolled up clothes into a roller carry on and backpack isn't exactly ideal. But still, it's easy enough. Anyway, I'm getting things done tonight to make it easy to be ready in the morning. Tall and Lanky is my ride to work, as planned. Kinda weird having a guy I used to be Friends with Benefits with, be the one to pick me up at home, and then again at the airport on Tuesday evening, from my return trip. He'd wanted to confirm my flight for me as well... but that was just too weird. I didn't want him to not follow through due to jealousy. He is jealous. Both because I'm following through, and due to the fact that I'll be with someone I truly WANT and believe in. And, because if this isn't going to work... I'm done. I won't play ,date, or plan with or for anyone or anything. A man will have to find me, because I just won't be looking. I would be focusing on a better job, SSA disability for my daughter, and for her future, and mine. I'm thinking here weekend might define that future for her. I suspect I know her boyfriend's plans for the two of them. I hope she takes that chance, and risks being vulnerable and strong, and close to him. I know he loves her, and that she loves him, but also that she's scared right now. Anyway, the weekend's planned out fully for both of us, it seems. And I'm praying that I'm told to leave early tomorrow. I NEED to be at the airport in time for my 4pm flight. I'm on edge, just thinking of being stuck at work too late. I can't risk that, one bit!

My guy has a bad cold, and has for a couple days now.. he teased that what I'm going to end up doing is go there, to take care of him.. get him well. Maybe? No matter how miserable we might be... me with cramps and ugghhh, and him with sneezes, blowing his nose and a sore throat... I figure that if we still like one another after that kind of weekend cooped up in a hotel room... we can get through a lot of things, and still be friends, or lovers.. or whatever.

at work, I was relaying how my guy won't dip his hot dog in ketchup to a couple of friends... Tall and Lanky overheard, walked away for a bit and came back... And just to torture him, my friend revisited that topic. Smirks. She has issues with him, as he's used and toyed two of her friends here at work. Anyway, I also blurted out how my guy had, for a moment, wanted me to cancel or at least postpone the visit until the red tide is over. He raised his eyes to mine and loudly said, "No... don't do it. Don't make that mistake, I did., and we ended up cancelling. Don't make that mistake." I let him know it wouldn't happen. We'd already agreed that this is too important to turn back or let go. Anyway, I have friends who teased about how simple it'd be to deal with that erm, issue. One said... it's called... DOUCHE. Yep, true.
Later, today, in our evening conversation my guy shared his teases and "abuse" from his boss.. saying at one point he'd been told, "just do THIS..." his boss, acting it out, slowly gyrating and thrusting his hips with eyes.. CLOSED.. "Get it?" he'd said... He picked on him all day long, saying "Suck it up, and take one for the guys, A***." He'd also apparently given sound advice to help me, and make it easier for this guy with hygiene and cleanliness issue be able to be with me. It was nice, really. I'm not even sure now, that that time will hit right away. It could, it probably will... But thing is.. we're going to be together. THAT is the best part of the trip. Being with him. Making love will be good even if it's a different sort of messy than I'd prefer he experience. I get to see Chicago. The city I'd dreamed of living in long ago.. you see, as a teen, I'd been accepted into the Chicago Institute of Art. A highly prestigious college. I was deeply honored.. and then saddened to be refused the chance to go by my family.. a long story. Anyway.. Maybe I'll share how significant that is at another time. For now I'll say this... I'm thrilled. I'm at peace. And I'm elated to be leaving in less than two days to be with this man that I NEED to know if he's right for me, and I right for him. We just have too much between us to refuse to explore each other and ourselves together. I'm happy to get to accept the loving support of caring and dear friends and of my dear daughter.. and of the sweet man. We may be seeing one another at our worst. But we're also seeing one another at our best. Being ourselves. Being happy to see and hold and touch and walk beside and with each other. This changes things for us, one way or another. This trip gives our relationship another dimension. To touch and sleep and enjoy one another.. in person. What a true blessing!

I can't WAIT!!!

my flight and the visit in general...

At first it was teases and discussions of people who prove to be incapable for one or another reason of following through. But then, well, we spoke of the weather projections and of other things... I then told him, once he reminded me of his boss insisting that it'd be my "time of the month" and I told him that I felt like sticking my tongue out at the man... and saying he was a meanie for jinxing me. He went into a dead cold silence... then relayed the whole of a series of teases and insistent determinations that i'd be the case... I'm afraid his boss may turn out to be very, very right. Thing is, from conversations in our past, I happen to know how much my dear man LOATHES intimacy in that time... He'd told his boss he doesn't dip his Hotdog into ketchup. By the way, he really DOES have issues with that condiment and mayonnaise. I accepted it. I mentioned how foolishly I'd insisted on it not being my time, that it was supposed to be a week later. And, I HAD to get to him sooner, not later.

After I admitted to having considered seeing about changing my flight he'd asked me to seriously consider doing it, if I would. I understood... We'd talked so much, and built up our desire and need for one another.. and now?
**sigh**

The conversation quickly changed as he thought rapidly over what I was willing to do. Pay a fee, reserve a new set of tickets, and delay who knows how long, since I'd have to be able to afford the fees for the changes and wait about 2 weeks... possibly, well... most likely, wait until the 4th of July, or near that date... for me, anyway. It wouldn't be easy. I silently clicked onto my reservations reminder email, and was working through my passwords, and confirmation codes to start the search for a decent trade and price for the new flight to see him. But he told me No, keep the flight. He mentioned how even knowing I'd be unable to be with him, I'd wanted to go see him. Moments before, I'd teasingly pointed out that with my issues(bleeding to death at that time of cycle) he wouldn't even want to be in the same bed with me. How he wasn't the only one to loathe that time for a woman... Reminding him of my past, telling him every aspect of that time that I hate, and of how I wished more than anything I'd been able to afford the cauterization they'd suggested I have done when I was 35 and dying because of severe hemorhaging and how I'd been quite literally bleeding to death. Anyway, After all of that, and as I was clicking on the flights, to prepare for exchange, he told me to come this Friday. That he realized just how important he is to me, and that this trip was too important. It would be better for him and for me, financially for me to wait... I don't have money for the souvenirs I'd hoped to find for my daughter, and to commemorate the trip. I hope to bring home photos and memories... Good ones. Positive ones. My last trip went so wrong... it was the end to a friendship as well as for a relationship with a Latino man that I'd adored. And most of the previous ones, well... they were hell, and I had to find the good in the trips and pray that I'd be alive the next day, every night, with my then husband. I'm struggling with this now, still... even though he'd insisted he wants me to go there.

Anyway, to the comment about not wanting to be in bed with me... he responded softly that wouldn't happen. And later, once he'd worked his mind through all of the meaning and words unspoken... he said, no matter what, if I chose to go to him, and he truly hoped I would. He'd still spread his arms out wide and hold me close. We'd still be able to have fun. And when I told him he'd have the worst version of me possible, stinky miserable bitchy me. He informed me he'd never let that happen. I don't know why he's so sure he has the power in his voice and arms to soothe the savage and irritable, miserable and bitching me... Maybe because he's already heard the proof? By the end of a long section of conversation we'd determined that even if all we can do is be friend, and enjoy time together... and snuggle up close when/if we can, in bed... He insisted that I go to him THIS weekend.

Problem is, when he's asked to back out or have me make concessions in the past, it's niggled at my heart and mind for weeks. Now, I'm anxious. NOW, I'm nervous... now, only now... I'm thinking and rethinking this. And I'm scared. I'm steeling my heart. I'm preparing to be hurt, or told I'm sorry, but I can't be more than friends with you. And... I'm trying to accept that as a very distinct probability. After all, it IS. It is the one most probable outcome of all of this... WHY? Because we're both analytical, and practical people. Because at this time of our lives.. we're both extremely vulnerable. Because we have so much to lose by accepting that this might be the most wonderful thing we can have, if it turns out to be what we see in it. And THAT is terrifying to two people who've done everything they can to protect their hearts. To lay it all out in the open, and take that chance to let someone walk all over us. Thing is... if there's walking on a heat to be done... I just can't do it. Besides.. I've seen the desire in his face. I've seen the softness in his eyes as he soaks me in, on the screen of his computer. I've heard the aching in his voice. And I've felt all of that, s well. No matter what, I'm going to Chicago to spend time with one of the most precious men I've ever known. I'm going to spend time with one good and giving friend. I'll accept it as it comes. And will respond as is my nature. I'm scared... but a promise is a promise. I won't hold back. I'll give him the total Dreaming experience.

By the way, he asked me if I was going to blog while there. I told him No, I've got friends who'd expressed displeasure at the thought. He said, I'm guessing there'd be a few who'd enjoy blogged updates. Umm, this was BEFORE notifying him of the pending red tide... But I thought it was nice. I'd told him I figured I'd post a few photos. He was anxious about showing his face. I told him I had no intentions of showing such disrespect. I found it interesting that he's curious about why I no longer share nudes. Why I wouldn't want to share photos of us, together. I told him I'd LOVE that, but the most intimate acts between a man and woman.. are for just us. He'd mentioned that he'd taken video once of making love. H still loves that idea. He's mentioned it a few times
I think he's interested in doing that with me. And I'd love that... but that's for another time, I'm thinking.

Less than three days, left, now... and I'm still going. Which is good. My daughter was horrified that we'd cancel the plans. She's been working to deal with this for almost a month. She's terrified, but she said.. Mom, you HAVE to go. I know what she was thinking. Oh God... it's so TRUE.
She choked out, Mom... you have to do it... for ME. Please.

Yes, I do. I have to go. I have to, so I can come BACK to her... HAPPY and safe. She said I trust him Mom. He'll make sure you get home safe. She is right. My daughter is my miracle. She is my best friend. And oh, how much I love that young woman. She KNOWS how much he means to me... How much SHE means to me, and doesn't want me to refuse to go just because she's coming undone. She informed me she's going to stay home. Our neighbors and my baby sister promised to check in on her. The neighbors will... the baby sister... well... I'd like to hope so. Anyway, I understand my darling daughter. He anguish filled mind and loving heart. And I have a dear man in Chicago who seems fully aware of how strong that bond is and just how important it is for me to always be there, for her. Her father never accepted or understood. I'm so glad I'm divorced

And I'm looking forward to seeing the lights on the lake at night, while driving along side it. I don't care where we go, or what we do... I just want to be with a very special and wonderful friend.

Just less than 3 days, and I'm there...

updates...
I've gained 8 lbs since we set the flight. ((moans))

I've packed up several little bitty items of clothing

I'll be packing a few NORMAL things, too

I'm still not sure how I'll get TO work, but I know how I'll get to the AIRPORT

And, I've got to figure out how to let them know I'm GOING on my flight, thus get signed in for one of the earlier grous of customers on the plane.

It's friggin' HOT here and I'm melting

My daughter had her psychiatric evaluation with a lovely young doctor. I was tearing up I was so pleased that she survived it.

I'm happy

just wishing all the ladies here who are mothers, grandmothers, aunts, teachers, sisters, cousins, any of our ladies here who has affected the lives of children positively. Today is your day.

By the way the drawing of flowers was a gift to my mother years ago. I remembered Freesia's tall and bent in our gardens and columbine in my own as a young wife and mother. My mother loved these flowers and had asked for me to draw these for her next to final wedding. We also used a larger copy of the artwork to place on display for her portion of the double funeral when we honored her life...

Loving well wishes and hugs to my sisters here... you are loved for the women that you are, have been and will be. Happy Mother's day, to you.

because my guy in the Chicago area wants me to bring that body stocking in my album here... erggghhhh, does carry on go through a metal detector? I'm asking because that has some chains on the shoulder straps... I can just picture someone tearing through my luggage and finding it's the culprit. *sigh* I'll be finding out, won't I?
Picturing the report... FOUND in black overnight bag A:aone bra with underwire, one set of rechargeable batteries and two vibrators, and one black lace crotchless body stocking, with chainlink shoulderstraps...
and a response dully replied orally... "yes sir, but it set off all the alarms... yes sir, you're right it was worth opening the bag up, but it set off ALL the freaking alarms! Yes sir"

I'm going to be taking more clothes than that that worry me... I mean, belt buckles and metal in the heels of one of my pairs of shoes, were an issue at both courthouses and at the penitentiary where I used to go to see my NOW ex-brother-in-law. My high heeled stiletto's with thick straps and big buckles. I think I'll pass on other things. *sigh* Anyway, this is my first trip since 9-11 and Homeland security. And I'm getting even more excited... I've got just over 5 days left, before I'm in the air... and when I'm hugging and kissing him silly. I'm so looking forward to it!