Listening to some of my still favorite songs. I Love RED

and, no, my dears... no worries for me at the moment...
while I do admit I'm anxious and having struggles on many levels... no.. not going there, no sharing... no letting anyone back inside my mind and heart for a while...

closing doors is far more simple and easy, don't you agree?
closing doors and walking in silence.

I'm alive... I'm breathing...

dreaming again...
of a lover who desires me... of touch, of taste... of exquisite lusty melodies played upon my skin... by fingers that know my body well enough to ignite my heat.

sliding my naked body close to him, pulling me over his body, so my head nestles against his shoulder, and then, angling my leg over his middle... rising up enough to claim my lips with his... nibbling, exploring with his tongue, mating mouths together, wet heat created as we enjoy simple pleasure in touch, kiss and passions shared... tenderness, then eagerness makes lust rise from somewhere pooled within each of us...
fingers caressing and fanned over him.. patterns drawn over his chest while fingertips twirl through his chest hairs.... and then.. he takes one of my hands and places it on his growing manhood... ahh, that thing that I crave, how I love to feel him grow full hard and thick in seconds... I press my hand against it just to feel him twitch and throb.. for me... all for me.

Kisses become more insistent, hungry demanding, aching... a feast on lust, passion and need... my body arches against him, naked bodies entwining...

Hunger pools between my legs... I need him... he teases a nipple, bringing it to attention, hard, standing proudly for his pleasure... and mine.. he draws it into his mouth, tasting circling it with tongue and suckling gently with his lips... fingers slide into my wet slit, teasing while he tortures me with bliss, then swirls them over the nipple and moans low and satisfied with the flavor he's added to it.... then kisses me sharing my juices with me... mmmmmmm
my body thrumming, keening and ready...

he refuses to let me guide his cock to my pussy, instead.. slid down over my body spreading my legs out wide...
he looks up at my face, then covers it with my pillow, refusing to let me watch him.. just enjoy the sweet intensity of the pleasure he wants to give to me.. tongue, fingers... lips, hands every touch and lick creates explosions of lusty rapture and delight... ahhhhh.... me... so good... oh, so incredible... moans, wiggles, my hips rising to him, fingers running over the back of his shoulders, neck and head.... caressing him, as thanks for that amazing gift of pleasure that I've craved, needed and longed for for so terribly long... a feast, a sinfully decadent experience.... so delicious to me... to feel his tickling beard spread my cumm over my thigh, my body... and, as he scatters kisses over my skin and goes back to feast some more upon my wet, wet pussy and throbbing clit... his licks at each side of my thick lips drive me almost insane with stimulation....
euphoric orgasmic perfection...
hedonistic heaven...

I know that I've shared this music video, or, at least, this music several times on here... but, today, there's something significant about the sharing...

a friend who knows the musician/singer/songwriter explained a bit of the words to us, while having us listen with him...

for those who're familiar with trucks, hitches and trailers... you should know what a "daisy chain" is...
the last resort, in order to avoid separation of the trailer from the truck/tractor hauling it...

the song mentions how much this man wants to be more than just friends, and that he wants to pop this woman's daisy chain... he wants to free her from being slave to the man in her life... rule with an iron fist... he wants her to escape that, and BE...

my daughter commented out loud after my friend had mentioned this to us, saying.. "Mom, you should thank him"
"thank whom?" I replied...
"_ _ _ _, he helped you by popping YOUR daisy chain... your trucker friend from the naughty site... It was the ONLY way you'd walk away from Dad, Mom... he taught you that he was wrong, and that you were worth something... he made you feel beautiful, desired, and able to let go and be free... "

She was and is right... without the desire and determination to discover what was missing, and find out what sex could be... and, that I WAS desirable... I was able to let go of that horrible chain holding me to the runaway vehicle that was tearing me and our lives to pieces...

Without that daisy chain to hold me to him as I'd held tight two decades too long... I was able to let go of the daily fear and terror, and the terrible emptiness inside...

Don't get me wrong, I'm still down too low at times... but it's not the same... none of it's quite like that... I haven't feared for my life in years now...

the vid is goofily distracting from the lusty sexual notes, but it's a message that hits me right here... now that I understand it a bit more...

freedom, sexually.. helped me end a nightmare and freed me to enjoy life when I can, and find treasures in the sand.

BUBBLES!!!

I'll share less of my life with you... just as I'm sharing less in person, too.

I'm not sure how to take the fact that.. my own blood sister is making a big deal of sharing, and yet, insisting she was never treated as if she'd mattered to our dad... fuck her...

no, just that.. she has lost a bazillion brain cells from back when she was doing LSD, and using daddy as a money bag.

I dunno how to take this... I don't know how to manage it... I don't know why I have to watch the men who matter the most... suffer so badly...

I'm drifting... away from all that I held dear... no reason not to, eh?
as I said before... share less of life from this point on...

just photos until the premium runs out... and then?

well... videos from youtube, or something.

I'll find a few more water pix from the recent hike.. and then, maybe a few from past ones.


enjoy life when it's going well... and revisit the memories later, when they don't...

more water photos coming this way, soon... gotta do it, while I can... still so delighted for the gift of premium for a while.

now... a few photos from my hike up the Millcreek canyon


looking across the water... towards the trickling little falls...

submersing my camera within the wake of the falls... how I love water, and light dancing over it!!!



looking up the falls.


a walk through the paths scattered with dry leaves and shadows... delight

a view of the mountains here, a few weeks back...

my friend's in detox... no longer on the streets, nor in my home. I took him there this morning, to be admitted for rehab/detox. II'd gotten supper for us, my daughter, him, and myself... and this morning, upon getting up, got us eggs, bacon and toast. He couldn't keep food down or in though...
his car remains here, stuck in my covered parking space until either I get his key to move it out of there, or until he gets out in 2-3 weeks.

when he was admitted... he'd tear up from time to time, due to how deeply he'd gone into the need and craving for drugs. This man is a Vietnam vet... he's been my mentor and someone I've looked up to.. and also pitied because of his fear of getting close to others. He'd walked away from me when he'd gotten too concerned for my well-being, back when my mother was dying, back when my daughter had run away with her terrible abuser.

I've gone out with a couple of men now, from a social site. One, I'd love to explore more with... yet, he's moving back home to Seattle. I'll miss his kisses and caresses, and his smiling eyes. A blue collar hard working man with blue eyes and gorgeous grandchildren and daughters. The other, a kind man, but a bit overly anxious to see me. Admits he tends to be demanding, at least, was in the past... yes, he seems needy, to me, demanding, too.

I have been crying today... struggling still, over the one year anniversary of my Alex's death, of his birthday, on Halloween... and how I ended up spending it, with my friend, then, drunk, rather than going to the costume party/concert as planned... and then, another weekend, of no music and hugs from my friends... more drunken drug addled man. But, I spent a moment with the needier man... hugs, and kisses and reminders that he admires me, my honesty, and good heart... I'd told him of my time with my friend and his need for my support.. both weekends. But, it all doesn't end there...
My daughter, over reacting to not hearing from her sweet young man... and reacting with anger, and short temper, after time with her father... and... too high of stress at work, these days. Still no documents from the DMV, about my needed updating of registration of my car.... and my frustrations over no clue how to pay for the costs. and... needing to get my key back from a tall lean man, along with the parking pass he's still got in his car...
I'd seen him last Sunday, at the Royal, watching the Seattle Seahawks game... I'd stopped in hoping for hugs, dodged out after saying hi to him and ended up with a grousing from him over me being able to stop loving him, and dumping him this way... I tried to explain it.. that IF he's my friend he'll have to prove it... and IF he ever hopes for intimacy (SEX) he'll have to not only be able to embrace with relish my passion, but share his heat and passion as well... NO holding back. Take all of me, or get NONE. and. proof that he wants and is worthy of it.

I haven't heard from Lanky at all since then. I'm not sure that I ever will. He's twisted. He's sure this was goodbye forever... not what I'd told him, which was.. give me peace... time to evaluate my feelings and needs... and, to detox myself from my addiction to you and the lack of caring, the lack of touch and love, and of kisses and giving to me...

I know I need ALL aspects of sexuality.. the connection. I KNOW that is what makes it worthwhile...

Neglect, denial, it's simply abuse. It's also cruel to someone who needs it. It's lacking affection... it's lack of caring. It's a lack of decency and goodness.. and definitely lacking some of the finest pleasures we can have, intimately.