*sigh* my guy wipes out so easily. But good news.. therapy.. radiation on his left hip first, begins next week. BUT they did it all in the reverse of his requests. The MRI will be done locally. Therapies, in Chicago proper... Thing with that.. he's outside the city, and therapy will wipe him out.. no energy to drive himself anymore as things are.. what ARE they thinking???

my love called me to inform me that he needs to see me tonight. Mmm, can't say I'd ever refuse him that request or demand

looking forward to spending time with him... loving that imperfect perfection.. and wishing he could talk. The biggest frustration for my darling is the loss of ability to express his thoughts wishes desires, and interests as he used to. Struggling for every breath he tries and there are times when not even a syllable escapes his once wonderfully expressive and sexy voice.. husky wheezes are what is heard more and more.. still, there are moments when sentences and whole conversations are uttered between us.

I'm looking forward to devouring the view of the man I love.. tonight.

There is a real reason why I find it easy to ignore the attempts to perk my interest, by men in my area. To be honest.. there was only one man I went out with from the dating site who had true potential to be of worth in my mind. I hope he believes me. I told him that today. Now for that one glorious reason. Love stronger than I've ever known.

My man is of high calibre and worthy of my fidelity. Worth waiting for.

There are some very dear and good men in this world. I know a few. I'm lucky to be able to say that, and mean it. Regardless of what the future hold, I can say I love one or ten of them.

As friends, as family and as m love.

I am well blessed. *smiles* and women? Ahh, my, I've got some of the finest as sisters and close and cherished friends. How blessed am I?? VERY.

redeeming things


my racing pedals will sell for sure, on eBay.. yayeee, I NEED the money right away.

I love the erotic morning messages I'm being sent... without them I'd truly find temptations a bit too real, in person.

I'm actually thankful for my membership here at the moment.. due to the distraction it brings.. bu I still need more distraction.. let's face it.. a pulsing throbbing wet and drippy pussy that used to get well used isn't easy to subdue...

But the fact that I'll be selling my racing pedals for a little bit of $$, will help me greatly. Nods.. oh yes, definitely true.

*sigh* meantime, I'll be massaging and sculpting polymer clay into tiny bits of this and that.. and doing a few other things.. This isn't my monthly cravings.. this is my full blown once every 4 or so months one.. the all out carnal quaking aching demands of this hormonally messed up body.. .
moans

think what to create or sell next.. forget sex, D.. and focus on other things....

so not a good time for me...
temptations being laid out in front of me.. and mandatory overtime wearing me thin.. *sigh* The car is making more noise and needs to be fixed ASAP.. that strut's going to snap very soon.. and I can't afford to wait til payday to fix it.

When guys remind me of the play we used to enjoy then suggest we just kick back and I take the opportunity to simply Destress with them.. well.. Tall and Lanky respects my determination to behave.. so he's safe to spend time with... but the comedian, who was one heck of a heat source for me.. shaking head.. I'll be avoiding him, as fidelity to my love is more important to me than relief from my worry and frustration.

I'm horny. I'm lonely.. my charger for my AA and AAA batteries died and I NEED my toys to work, like right NOW!!! *sigh, mutter moan**

yes, yes.. venting steam.. let's face it.. I need to get laid, and soon.

I told my guy I was naked.. and all of a sudden, it was Skyping time **winks** god I've missed him, what a sight for these eyes.. even with ribs and collar bones protruding, knobby knees and all... God I love to see my sweetheart.

He chuckled when I'd lazily lay back spread my legs or pussy lips to play a peek-at-wet-lips type of game... I do tend to be wiggly on cam... Anyway I asked him to promise to take care of that body so I can avoid crushing him in the future whenever we get to be together again.

Today he was FINALLY given some REAL Antibiotics, something to kill the gunk in his chest and gut. And.. his dentist is such a sweetheart. Instead of charging him just his deductible for filling his teeth and using the amalgam that his coverage requires, she'd filled them with porcelain to match his gloriously white teeth... and refused to accept payment. God, I love her, for how she treats my man. I'd told him to say his girlfriend thanks her.. to which he chortled and said, "I have to tell her that I'm taken?" I laughed and replied, "Huh, she DID give you free stuff.. OK, pretend you're single and flirt for all you're worth." *shrugs* I dunno what he'll do, but I'm just happy that he's being listened to, and taken care of... He's been unable to work for so long now, he's got little left of his savings, due to all the medical bills.

Not only was my guy able to converse with me here and there today but he seemed genuinely appreciative of all that people are doing to assist him. But how it sent a tear down my mind... quietly hidden behind my joy filled eyes... because he told me how he misses me and how much he needs me there in his life... But he also quickly added for me to wait until it's right. That no matte how greatly we need and want one another... we need to relax and remember that we've got eternity together. I've never believed those words more, my dears. And I was raised a Mormon girl... Eternity is something I was taught to believe in. It wasn't until I found my sweet gentle atheist, before I learned what forever means... and, what love is. I'm still learning and I'm still becoming. I'm becoming a stronger and more confident version of ME. All for the love of a sexy tender man who for some reason wants me as I am. Embraces me for all of me... and thanks me for all that I do and am... We're becoming an even more bonded pair than we've been.. and I am in awe at every turn. I'm learning, I'm becoming... and I'm loving the path I'm on.

I'm me, I'm naked, And apparently when I'm trying to growl.. I purr... Go figure?

I didn't participate in the first one of these.. but loved all the wonderful thought provoking entries.

this one of mine.. hmm, is only meaningful when you know the way things are going in my life, of late. nothing special.. just me, and what is keeping me going.. ultimately it is a list of virtues... of the strengthening qualities that help me make it through each day with a smile.



this keeps me strong for my sweetheart and believing that one day my daughter will stand on her own... and in a long future with the man that I love.


whatever happens, even when dreams don't come true.. I can feel my heart is full with these things and I can move through the gloom into the start of a new day

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today, my sweetheart informed me that he felt better than he had for the past four or five days.. then informed me he was angry with me.. I'd been right about acidopholis and yogurt.. and then he moaned and informed me that wasn't even half of it... then he told me what made him more upset than anything.. was that I'd made him fall in love with me and he couldn't even have me. I had to smile.. you see, earlier he'd repeated over and over, I love you, I love you my Dreamy... I love you Dawn.. many times over, chuckling giddily. How could any woman not blush and feel something akin to joy add my goofiest grin, and you get the picture. Anyway, I admitted I'd done it... Used my voodoo on him. We went into songs like Evil Woman, Witchy Woman and a couple others befitting his accusations of having been bewitched by me. **smiles**
My guy who hates yogurt just went out to buy some more.. and threatened to spank me because I kept talking about the lasagna I'm making for supper tonight. Spanks??? from him.. hmmmm
waggles butt as I describe in detail my delicious dish...

Tired, tonight. I don't mind since I'm getting a few things accomplished. Resumes shot here and there. Movies watched and let Tall and Lanky spend time here watching a movie, posting his resume and a few other things completed this weekend. My tall friend will lose his job.. because he's required to have a doctor's not to return to work after his family reunion in southern Utah. I wonder if his family knows. I know he's burned out on the job, even more than am I. Tomorrow I'll collect a few of his things from his desk for him. I don't want him losing his property, but I also worry that he's going to lose everything he's just gained. Yes, I worry for a bumbling gentlemanly womanizer. Why not care about a friend?

My daughter has two days in a row, off again. A rare treat for WalMart employees. Tonight she's going to be watching movies until who knows when. My sweetheart had called while I was watching The Host and sending out resumes. And, I asked to call him back.. thing is while we'd been talking, he was considering the distinct need to possibly be readmitted into the hospital. Tomorrow he goes to his PCP's office, and has a dental appointment to get fillings, so he can get a clean bill of sale to start his therapies. Meanwhile.. his lungs are full, his throat in pain and his digestive system is still in terrible shape. He is still losing weight, which at this point isn't something he can afford.

Anyway, I work earlier tomorrow morning than the rest of the week. So I'm going to bed early, praying for my sweetheart, my friend, my daughter, and for myself. All I can do is focus positive in my mind and send it into the universe for those I love and want the best for.

it still boggles my mind that such an amazing human being.. such a dear and caring man... who's also a brilliant and intellectual person.. would even have found me, let alone WANT me as his bride.

No, please, here me out. I promise, my loves.. I'm not negating my goodness and caring gentle nature at all.. nor my natural tendencies to be a dweeby geeky nerd-girl, or simply being cognoscente of a situations true impact. I'm aware often enough, of the true impact one thing has upon another.. And so, I am greatly moved to comprehend the impact both my lover and I truly have upon each other. THAT is what I am still and perhaps will, forever.. trying to fully wrap my mind around. The level of respect trust and patience that man has for me is enough to make me dizzy. But adding the sweet desire hunger and absolute LOVE and I'm amazed, humbled and KNOW how blessed I am to have him at all.

Today, he thanked me for my patience, after a tirade I'd put him through.. barraging him with my frustration at his lack of concern over his refusal to simply keep up with acidopholus and other things I'd recommended to better his digestive issues and the lung thing. I threatened to use his sister and mother as my arms and legs.. to make sure he was going to take care of himself. He quietly calmly chastened me for that and thanked me later for letting him express himself.. especially since breathing was difficult, and slowing his able mind and verbal ability greatly.. He thanked ME for patience... while he slowly spoke each word and phrase with difficulty. All I could do was hear him... and let his sweet patience and understanding heart wash over and humble me. While calmly expressing his displeasure for the style of coercive care I used... which, looking back offends me, too.. he was loving me into a more capable and ABLE PARTNER.

This man who is in terrible pain.. this man I could lose to his secondary issues is the most truly impressive man I'm honored to love as deeply as he's allowed me to. I love others, admire, cherish and respect them.. but this one has more tolerance understanding and a more deep understanding of who I am than I've ever had of myself, let alone anyone. I am honored to love and know some of he finest souls who happen to be HERE as members of this place.. an elite group of brilliant loving and good souls... and I have gotten the rare honor of meeting a handful of these fine people in person. I also find that I am still learning just how impressive and incredible this man that I love TRULY IS. I am overcome with awe at the love of my maker. Of the perfection in the choice of a flawed and weakened man as the one I'd love more than anything, to live and die in old age with... I know there are other rare finds in good-souled men here. Good men are hard to find, yet... I know several more than I'd ever thought possible.

Anyway.. my sweetheart still continues to impress me deeply.. at just how truly he loves and respects me. I have so MUCH to unlearn. I have so much I desire to learn. And all because this man is showing me how easy it is for two reasonable, loving and gentle people can REALLY really WORK.. together. I had believed it could be.. but had no real grasp on how it was achieved. Now I am beginning to see, learn and to comprehend how it can happen.

Wow... just.... WOW.