for my man.. lol..**shakes head*** and he's not even a member here... still...
I can't stop thinking about him... missing him

this is how I feel... in love with my best friend

this goes to the devoted daddies, faithful fathers, and to those who've had to custom fit themselves to the role... as in uncles, granddads, neighbors, older brothers or cousins, friends, mothers, and whomever has had the blessing of filling that role for a child. Thank you for what you go through as the father in a child's life. For the effect of your love and devotion. No one is perfect, but the role IS. At least, it can be, when you love someone greatly enough to step up to it, and do it.

Thank you for your willing representation. For your determination to be a part of children's lives. And thank you for being a responsible someone in his or her life. At times I regret the choice to keep my daughter and her father together.. for coaching and encouraging... and for begging them to give it a go.

There are some who're NOT cut out for that role. And I do wish I'd realized how crucial the need for a better man had been in my own daughter's life. But, she's seen one dear lanky man bumbling into and out of my home who treats her decently and does so, for me, while a guest here... and she's seen the way my sweetheart affects me, with simple soothing reminders of how he sees strength within me and supports me enough to get me up off the ground figuratively, of course.

People can learn from others. Watching them with their own families and learn what to look for. We CAN still learn that a father protects, pulls pushes and teaches independence, respect, and absolute strengths and attitudes that we each and all need to drive us forward towards our goals... They're our coaches and biggest fans...

Again I say... THANK YOU to all who are fathers in some way.

today I was busy seemingly endlessly with the man whom I adore above all others... I've watched my daughter clenching jaw and fists as the phone calls have increased in number and length, not lessened after recognition between us and our feelings for one another has been heightened. It's been getting worse, and while my lover fills with greater joy at the prospects of us being reunited as soon as we can find a way... it's also increasing the longing, the loneliness and, it's agitating the hell out of my daughter.

My guy has never been a father, yet reminds me that my kid will always need me, even if we end up as far apart from her, as I am from him, now... even so, she doesn't trust that I'll be there for her when I'm not seeming to be "there for her," right now. Today she spent time with her man. She's come to grips with the fact that he's not in love with her, and that there is no current prospect for marriage... seeing as he refuses to commit, after all. She's struggling with having lost her father, losing her mothre, having no one there to rely on to take care of her. She realizes FINALLY that she NEEDS to learn to take care of herself... make her own self the most important person for her to please, respect, and find happiness in... she's growing up. When she'd gotten home she looked like she was in pain and seething... but the time she'd unleashed her grief, fears and determinations filled with desperation out upon me.. she'd back paddled a bit, informing me that rather than working two full time jobs asap, she was going to focus on working out, making herself happy first, making changes in the way she sees herself. She informed me that it was her time to look for a job, that she needs me to help her with the online app for a sure-thing at the local Walmart. She's planning to do as I've hoped and prayed for her.. to focus on healing herself, loving herself and on one job, bringing herself empowerment and an income. Her denial letter RE SSA was a blessing. And her love and loyalty to me is at least as powerful to me. For her desire for my happiness and her understanding that A and I wil need to focus on US when we're together, and on building our lives to mesh well. She's noticing that I'm growing as a woman who is absolutely in love and that here's going to be a lot of work cut out for A to help me over and through the pain and heartaches from my past with my ex. She didn'y know that just the night before, my sweetheart had told me it was ok to not be over the hurt. He informed me he understands that part of his job as the man who loves me is to help me past it, and teach me of my worth... and that with his loving efforts, in time I'll let go and forget... because his love will have worked its magic and healed me.

I am grateful that the two people who love me the most and who mean the most to me comprehend their new roles in my life. They both love me enough to want the best for me.. but also know that they need to take care of themselves to prepare for the changes... for all of us.


I look back on what it took to get to where I am. I get to reflect upon sadness and joy, and learning experiences that have made each one of us stronger. My guy is more sure of the absolute inevitability that we were meant to become a couple. That our lives prepared us for one another. I'm impressed by my beautiful daughter, and my magnificent man.

and let me undress you gently, peeling layers of cloth from those powerfully broad shoulders, and back.. lay on your belly and let me work the cares out of every inch of the body I so admire, and claim as mine to love want and desire, my magnificent man. Feel my softly stroking fingers follow the patterns of your muscles, bones and sinews... Feeling the knots and pain-filled areas relax under my knowing hands... rubbing sweet oils into aches and pains to send them away from that wonderful body that I love... over a thousand miles separate us now.. but not forever.. not for long. I'm looking forward to helping, loving and healing the man I love, in you.

He's always been a healthy man.. that man of mine.. never felt the aches and misery that people with weak bodies, like mine, see as commonplace and daily challenges... I truly wish I could sooth and massage and show him how greatly I want to be of help to him... but instead, I'm trapped, way over here, and, he's lonely and needing me, there. I'm needing to do all that I can to pay off debts, save up money simplify my now and, thus, our future... and to prepare to be the wife and lover of the man I know as my best friend, the man I adore, love and crave as my partner, forever more.

after my late night cheering for the Blackhawks.. my guy called me to give me a treat... an early morning wake up call, with him still sounding like his morning self.. still husky and damned sexy(to me anyway). We didn't talk for long, before he got to thinking that I might need a few more moments of shut eye, and I'd promised to call him back after my shower... *hush,* yes, I did intend to fill his mind with visions of me dripping and toweling off.. though I called while struggling into my blouse and skirt. We talked while I prepared for the day, drove to work and went into the training center at work... I wear my headset, people.. so, no worries about me fumbling with my smartphone.
Anyway, while speaking with the man that I love, we discussed this site and Facebook... he asked if I'd ever searched for him there.. yes, I knew he had a page, since my phone is linked to his updates from family and friends. Long-ish conversation shortened he teased asking if I'd posted a relationship status. I replied that I'd marked it as, In a relationship.. but knowing he doesn't use his profile, it made no sense to bother trying to link our profiles with our love and relationship... he asked me what it'd take and to friend him and make it happen...

The day was odd, but I enjoyed it... and in the evening we worked on setting our relationship into a seemingly worldwide proclamation... as a couple.
We later focused on health issues, supplements he wanted to buy to boost his overall well-being and spend time on the phone simply listening to one another's breathing.. until mine went into soft heavy rhythmic patterns as my head lolled lower and lower... usually, he's the first to doze off while we're on our call... I'm here hours later... due to a need to get up and empty my old lady itty bitty bladder, that I've had since I had my kid 23 years ago

I'm enjoying his goofiness, the humor he finds in twisted thoughts of silly announcements of the nature of setting a "relationship status on Facebook," brings to mind... and.. of us pronouncing to all we know that we have designs on more of a future with one another than we'd imagined when we'd met on line at a penpal site nearly two years ago.

have you ever wondered why you're still here, on NN, or why you just keep coming back after deleting your profile? I left this place once.. but only due to concerns over a husband who was abusive, paranoid, schizophrenic and psychotic... to name a few of the character traits that made me feel real valid concern, while preparing to leave him, or make him go... I couldn't stand being away for long.. and so far, even though at times I'd genuinely figured upon leaving, I stayed.

I'd joined this site originally, in 2010, had over 300 photos and vids, was verified within the first hours after submitting my pix, and everything... Anyway.. why I've stayed.. I'll reiterate that right now... FRIENDSHIP. Real people that I love. Some, I've had the true pleasure and honor to meet and spend time with, in person. And some I've spoken with on regular basis, while others, I stay here to reach out to, cheer on, and to connect with as the only place we chat, message, or whatever. I LOVE this community of loving friends. I stay because of the memories, gratitude, hopes and dreams.

Stay you. Keep coming back. Enjoy and play...

dripping with sweat and eyelids drooping.. the main reason I'm up this late was to hear the end of the hockey game. 1st in the playoffs... and during the storm... haven't heard from my sweetheart since he'd resigned himself to a nap... or perhaps, early bedtime??? I'm pleased that the Blackhawks won.. in triple overtime.. wow, such exciting energy and what a way to prove themselves...


Now, sleepy and drenched... with two more days of training to go before the weekend.. I NEED my sleep. My brain is in overload mode... I volunteered for more responsibility, more knowledge, more learning for the company I've been representing for almost two years now.

I'm glad to be gaining a better understanding of health insurance and the ins and outs of it.. and, though this is exciting.. the win, and the new role at work.. I've also got issues.. I'm not making it financially... my job doesn't pay enough. I'll be in training, yes.. but also looking for new jobs here for me.. and my guy has suggested I look for him, too. He's willing to relocate, for our sake,as much as I'd do that, for him... he's proving just how much me and my relationship with my daughter mean to him... Who knows where we'll be in a year?

Good night NN... time for my eyes to shut... imagining the sound of skates, ice and puckshots, cracking in my mind...

I'm rooting them on, for two, tonight.. my guy's power, was out last time I spoke with him... AND his car charger for the phone has been broken for almost a week now. So well... the phone was dying, he had no access to the game, and was worn out from a long work week... we'd planned on enjoying the game together, Skyping and more... I'm supporting him while rooting for the hockey team that we both happen to love.