If a midget came up to me and told me my hair smelled good...would that be sexual harassment? Just wondering..

A couple had been married for 50 yrs,,one night they are laying in bed
He starts running his hand over n under her breast,than down one side than the other
working his way down her legs,than back up inside of thighs,,than just stopped n rolled over
By this time the wife is turned on,hadnt felt like that in yrs,she asked him why he stopped
He told her he found the TV remote and rolled back over

Wife bought some crotchless panties to look sexy in
She sat down and opened her legs ,and asked do you want some of this
Told her hell no look what it did to your panties

Doc said stitches over right eye should be out in 10 days

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night at dinner, she does just that.

About a week later she`s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I`m sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"Nah," she says, "that`s okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like paying a hooker for a hug.

just because i offer advice,dont mean im smarter than you
just means ive done ,more stupid things than you

TIPS ABOUT SEX WHEN OLD
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put your local emergency number on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..
8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

Jeff goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.
Before the procedure,a beautiful nurse comes into his room,
takes his vitals,then tells him to take off all of his clothes.
When Jeff is fully undressed,she instructs him to lie down on a table.Jeff obeys.
The nurse then removes all of her clothes,climbs on top, and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act,Jeff catches his breath and asks what that was all about.
The nurse informs Jeff that studies have shown that before a vasectomy,if a man has an ejaculation,he will be more relaxed
and that the seminal vessels are easier for the surgeon to locate and sever.
The nurse then wheels Jeff to the operating room.While they are going down the hall,Jeff sees six men in a room,all of whom are masturbating.Curiosity prompts Jeff to ask,
"What are they doing in here?"The nurse responds,
"They are getting vasectomies too,but you haveBlue Cross,
andthey have Obama Care."

My wife left a note on the frige
It saidts not working,Im going to my mooms
I opened the door,the light came on the was cold
What the hell she talking about

I climb on top of u and at first I move slowly then a little faster, I start to breathe heavy,and you just lay there like u don't even care



Damn you! Treadmill